Fair Skin Obsession

Dear OP,

Ignore.....ignorance is the best solution.

You said you love the way you look & you received compliments for your features and your DH loves you the way you are. So why to bother about your MIL's words?

1. Tell her that you like your skin tone, also you doesn't like fair complexion and you don't want to change your complexion
2. If you get a chance tell her about Obama & Sushmita Sen's skin colour and tell her how famous they are even though their skin colour is not fair.
3. Ignore her completely, give a dumb ear to her words.

 

Dear OP,

We cannot deny that fair skin people are always considered more beautiful. When you have seen so much desperation in your MIL why dont you just go for facials and make yourself fair.
Are you in INdia or USA. If in INdia the beauty parlors have got such good facials which makes your skin beautiful, glow and fair.

I actually had the same kind of issue. MIL and SIL would constantly keep suggesting me. I was thin and my husband likes me that way but my SIL would constantly tell that i have to put on weight, in her one visit she told me like 10 times. can you imagine 10 times.
I used to fight with hubby and give them answers but they never stopped.

In fact i have come across few more of my own relatives who said that i have to put on weight and more fair.
so then i decided why not i become and show them.

I changed diet, facials, yoga sun screen all. Not only fair but i got very nice glow, 4 shades lighter and also put on weight.
One trip i went India, the entire khandhan was like praising me thats it on that day my SIL MIL shut their mouths about my looks and never opened.

after 2nd kid i again became dark but they dont tell me now coz they know if i really try i can become lighter , fairer.

so just show them you can become fair and beautiful. Do lot of shopping, but creams etc. when your husband asks say coz as per MIL you want to become fair. Do expensive facials.

As you have great features , you will dominate your hubby in looks and she will shut mouth.

 

Stupid MIL.

Don't be a stupid by giving importance to her stupid behavior.

I am sure that you look good. That's why your husband chose you over so many other fair women outside. That itself a biggest compliment for your beauty - be it your skin or heart.
He continues to like you, love you and support you against his mom's obsession.

Now that, don't argue or fight with your husband for your MIL's comments.
Deal with her directly...

When she starts lecturing again about the skin color, ask her to stop it. Be gentle, but firm in your tone.
Tell her that you love your skin color the way it looks. You and your friends think that's what suit your facial features/overall body.
And more importantly your H loves the way you are, and you don't want to change at all.
Be confident about yourself and don't look inferior, so that you are not open to other's free advice to look fair.

Being fair is just one scale to measure your beauty among others. Having a healthy hair, good facial features, hight, skin tone, weight, health, teeth etc..etc... are also equally important to call you beautiful.

There are models and beautiful women who are not at all fair, yet so attractive.
Some women are not so attractive despite of having a fair skin.

Your confidence is what makes you more beautiful. I am glad you have it.

 

@maddysweet
No wonder you did that all.
You give utmost importance to other's comments, and let them walk all over you.

Unless you must change for yourself, don't change as others want you to change.
Your continuous efforts to prove yourself to others shows how much low self esteem you may be having.
I am not just highlighting to your response here. But in connection with your SIL problem in the other thread.

Fair or slim... it is you. Be proud about the way you look. Love yourself.
Today your SIL may ask you to look fair. So, you go rounds for facials, creams, sunscreen lotions, etc... to develop a few shades lighter.
Then tomorrow, she will come back and say that you look pale. Because being too lighter than your actual skin color might also look pale.
So, will you be taking sun bath to become darker?

Like wise, you do a lot of effort to put on some weight as your SIL suggested for it. But knowing your SIL from your threads, I am sure she is gonna suggest against your weight gain once you feel you are done.
So, are you gonna join any diet club to shed all those gained weight, just because your SIL commented against it?
If so, you will be wasting your whole life by proving yourself to others.

Look, instead of giving so much weight to your SIL's passing comments, learn to respect yourself.
This way, you can defend yourself by your actions.
Simple... You can say, well... I don't wanna look pale by whitening myself with chemicals. It kills my melanin and I just wanna look beautiful, not necessarily fair. The way you speak confidently will project you as a beautiful women.

 

When she talks about complexion, abruptly change the topic of discussion as if you never heard of what she said..she will slowly stop talking about this..Be the way you are..Stop giving explanation to it..

 

Looks like it has been sometime since you have been taking this nonsense from her .

It is time to deal with it firmly.Next time she says something,just stare at her and firmly tell her"I like the way I look"Hold the look for sometime and then move away. Don't discuss anything.

I know a girl who spoilt her life my trying to change her size to please her in-laws.
She was very petite at the time of marriage(arranged).After marriage they told her she was skinny and she should get some steroid injections to look more voluptuous for her husband.Her doctor sil gave her the injections.The poor pretty girl put on so much weight and has not been able to control it ever since then.

There are times when lines of decency are crossed (her mentioning the injections) and one has to take a stand to stop it.

 

Your MIL is being ignorant. Simply ignoring her will not work. Soon your child will start to understand and may get a complex as well.
Both you and your husband should confront her once directly and tell her to stop. After that you can keep repeating as needed. This skin color obsession should be treated like the nonsense it is.

 

My Mil is very very fair. So is DH and a couple of his siblings. Fil is dark and so are the remaining siblings. I'm what is called wheatish-dusky (I did not make up this colour chart). But, like you, I always liked my golden brown color. Luckily my DH doesn't have these hangups....neither did a lot of guys who fell for my charm
Ahem.
My Mil would often say DH was so much fairer than me and I always replied, "I know! I never wanted to marry a fair guy, my dad is fair and I don't like it!" or "He was so much more impressed by my brains and personality!" It didn't deter her from making these comments.
Then one SIL (the one who is - sorry and ashamed to even write this phrase - 3 shades darker than me) would go on & on about how dark I was and her brother was so handsome..... You can't win!
Anyway, when my elder daughter was born, the comments started. She's dark etc. When my Fil said this I just lost it and told him, "Well, her mother, grandfather that is you, and so many ancestors are dark. What else can you expect?" It didn't stop them.

But I started very early on telling my daughter that people's hearts were more important and teaching her ways to ignore. I can't shield her forever, especially since the ads are blasting away about fairness creams, and her friends buy into that twaddle.

‌Give your kid a good grounding now. And you just walk away and ignore your MiL. Its not worth it. She probably has only that one thing to pride herself on. Feel sorry for her prejudice, laugh at her to yourself. And tell her firmly that if she brings it up again you will just not engage in that topic. And walk away. Its a good lesson for your kid. In fact, pick your kid up and take him away. Your Mil won't change.
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‌You are beautiful, you know it, your DH appreciates you, doesn't he. Tell her you'd rather change some negative aspect of yourself (temper, tardiness, lack of focus for example) than outer skin colour.

Stay happy, that's a beautiful glow!