Failing Miserably In Life

Hmm…

okay few things which could help you which I followed..

1) loving ourselves.Self care is a must! It is not at all selfish.You need to do things which make you feel better. A bit of retail therapy, a massage or anything u love.

2) Do what you love.
Invest in hobbies which you like. Immerse yourself in it.

3) Follow vlogs which you love. For me I love food and travel vlogs.It is entertaining and also we learn about places and food.mentally stimulating.


4) cut down social media like insta and fb.It is fake.period.


5) self dependent.I realized that we need to be emotionally be self dependent many a times.Yea we need support but we need to be able to gather ourselves.Journal and talk to yourself.

5) Good food,exercise and clean environment.Be organized and relaxed.It is good for people with anxiety.

6) Good sleep.A must.

7) Avoid to your level best toxic people and things.it is needed for mental health.

8) get empowered.Once you are aware and feel mental strength and know who u are..others egos won’t affect you much.

We need to first fix ourselves by not depending on others. Yes it would be awesome if things worked out the way we want but it never always will but we need to accept that and do our best.

I stopped expectations from others and practice mental detachment.That way it hurts less.

With my husband..honestly am happy that he is a good man but he does have many flaws but I don’t care much coz he is a decent human being.Tats all I expect.Once I started to be happy with myself,I noticed maybe it’s an aura or some universal attraction…I seem to attract more positive people and stuff in my life.

Try the above .Hope it helps dear.

 

You are smart, doing so much already
Get some telehealth counseling. It's good to talk it out.

 

Very valid advise. DO this sessions OP for some months. YOur marriage is ok if not great. divorce thinking is not good.

 

Dear OP,
No one will understand your problems unless they walk on your shoes. The only person who can save you in this situation is yourself. Anyone who has lived with a big family and a large circle of friends in India and who comes to a individualistic society like America and who is with a spouse who is not social can not thrive here. Period. ( Please if there are any wise people who have been in this situation and can tell me that you are not living a life which is compromised let me know )

Do yourself and your kids a favor and throw a life vest to your spouse ( its his choice if he chooses to save himself ). Tell him that this life at this point is not working for you. You are moving back to India with your kids. He can stay in US and come and visit when possible or move with them, but you are not willing to stay here. Even if he doesn't come you can tell your family and friends that you wish to live close to parents and family and the husband will eventually join.

Go back and settle down in India. Get support from your parents and family in India. This is the only way your life will become better soon.

 

Dear OP,

Don't expect your H to pitch in and help around the house or with kids when he clearly says NO.
Expectations leads to disappointments.
Instead, don't do everything while you already have an active job outside of the house.
This will make you exhaused; hence stressed and unhappy in life
Divorce will not solve any of these problems, especially your spouse has great qualities otherwise.
Such haste decisions may bring permanent damage to your life later.

I found the below quote from your previous thread.

Read those highlighted lines again. He doesn't need your earnings. Doesn't care about your spending. He loves you & the kids and goes overboard to help your family (including extended family).
Just that, he is workaholic, earns well, provides well but doesn't like to share the household chores.
His expectations are pretty simple. Try to understand him.


Think out of the box..... Find alternative solutions to solve your problems.
You are exhausted, and don't have H's support in household chores, but you have additional income in your pocket that isn't being touched for family needs. Good for you!
Make use of your salary to buy household helps and sanity.
Of course money can't buy happiness, but it can buy comforts that will in turn make you happy & peaceful.

Believe me, a domestic helper or a cook or a part time nanny would bring wonderful changes in your life.
If you can afford at least have a combination of all for an extended hours every day.
You can still cook fresh meals, but cooking wouldn't be exhausting if someone else is assisting.
You can monitor a-z of what your kids need, but expect a hired help to do them on your behalf.
You can find 2-3 hrs extra every day for yourself & utilize that time to relax or entertain. This will boost your energy and mood.
A few extra dollars from your pocket won't hurt your family. Especially when your spouse is earning well, and careless about your spending. Make use of this to buy comforts & happiness not just for yourself but for the family.

A happy & comfortable mom is equal to a healthy & energetic mom for the kids. No matter what, kids & spouse expect us to be happy & energetic to spend their weekend with.
Your positive transformation will reduce quarrels at home and it will bring back more happiness down the line.

Don't expect your spouse and the entire society to change. Be the change, and bring the desired changes from your actions. Good luck

 

Which is better? To be in charge and suffer or to not be in charge and suffer?

 

To be in charge and suffer is better