1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Extramarital Affair Of Dad

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by arch1984, Jan 6, 2017.

  1. arch1984

    arch1984 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi friends

    Sorry for long post.
    This is the current scenario in my house. This all started 1 year before. my dad as part of routine is going to work but his timings changed gradually. He is out for whole day apart from work saying some or the other reason. My mom was suspicious and so as my sis-in-law (brothers wife). My sis-in-law takes care of the kitchen so in doubt of his changed routine. Somehow by tracking his calls we came to know this...he has a affair with a married lady who has 2 daughters. she is taking care of his needs and using my dad for her financial needs (this we listened with our own ears there is no question of mistake). Somehow we tried to be strangers and warned that ladys family but no use finally my dad came to know that we know evrything. My mom also came to know. One day we whole family confronted him..he was in shock and played reverse drama y crying and saying he will die. We stayed calm for some days. Again one day my mom caught his phone (not the phone we know) and we checked his call register and got surprised to know that total call duration was more than 30 hrs. Shocked again we (me , my mom, my brother) confronted him...again same drama that he doesnt know anything but could not sure about the calls. My mom started torturing my dad with words as she couldnt his betrayel..one day he left the house. Again after some days he vacated the house saying my brother to leave. My brother and sis in law moved to anew house and my mom and dad moved to a new house. its been almost one year...still we have solid evidence that he is continuing his affair now. DOnt know what to do...confrontation did not help. He is going to retire and is warning my mom that he will give her half of the money so she should leave him and he wants her to leave him alone. Any advices my friends what is to be done now.
     
    Loading...

  2. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,227
    Likes Received:
    2,354
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I am so sorry about what you and your family is going through. Especially your mother, it must be hell.None of us can imagine what she is going through and she alone has to decide what she wants to do. I don't have much advice, except that, you, your brother and his wife have to be your mother's backbone in this time of crisis. Give her courage that no matter what she decides, you all will stand by her. Perhaps you can suggest a family intervention and talk to your dad and/or marriage counselling for both of them. May God give you strength.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    What does your mother want?
    If there is no hope of him stopping this affair...your mom should take the offer of half of his retirement fund and half the property ,if any.
    Not much you can do if he continues.
    Better your mom does not have to be around him .
    Work out a good deal in writing from him for your mom.
    You all stand by her.
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  4. arch1984

    arch1984 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    hi
    like every woman she also wants to stay with her husband and play with her grand children
    she has given her almost whole life raising his children (me and my brother) cooking for him seeing his needs
    now suddenly a lady from no where due to her financial needs is trapping my dad and disturbing our whole family
    We even warned that ladys family going to her house (unfortunately she is not there in the house) and her husband almost fell on my moms feet saying he has 2 daughters and this will ruin their lives. so my mom came back.
    Cant give police complaint or else my family is on road..and dont know how much it helps.
    Becoz we confronted him (my dad) he is not in talking terms with my brother too).
    We dont have much properties and only hope is this retirement fund which properly planned will be beneficial.
    with whom can she stay...with my brother (he juzt got married and can take care of his family only)
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  5. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,800
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    looks like this option is better for your mom and she doesn't need to live with him. It may give her some relief instead of living with him in the same house.

    But is it really possible? when the retirement time comes will he do that? is he using that to threaten your mom/you guys so that you all can stop confronting and talking about this with him. Will he really give that much money and allow your mom to live by herself and never disturb her?

    Even if happens, over the time, your dad's all cooking, taking of care of his house, his needs, who is going to take care? that woman is not going to do, as she has her own H and daughters. So your dad may become burden to that woman, he may again come back to your mom. From the time your mom and dad don't live together everybody/society will come to know about all this extra marital affair. Think in all angles and ask what your mom wants.

    At the end sufferers would be your mom and dad to some extent.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  6. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,245
    Likes Received:
    1,996
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    @arch1984- I am sorry for your families situation.I can understand how much pain your mother will be in to move away from your father. But she should do it, if she wants your father back in long term.For my suggestions to work you and your brother should support your mother and your mother should be strong to do this--

    This is my suggestion--
    Most Indian men who have lived in a certain family set up will find it very hard to accept change or adapt. Your father wants everyone to accept his mistress and get the comfort of family. The service your mother is giving him food, clothes and the family comfort is what most of the men like. My suggestion is take the family part away. Although your father is asking your mother go away- he doesn't really mean it. It is very hard for older men to live without family. I am 100 % sure your father will come back to your mother.

    1.Your mother should get a lawyer and make everything clear on the paper that the half property and pension belongs to her and move away from your father.
    2. You, your mother and brother- dont keep in touch with your father.
    3. Support your mother in this period.
    4. You have to involve a lawyer in property matter especially when there is a mistress. Lawyers will not reveal to anyone about the family secrets. I am saying this coz you don't know what the mistress will claim in case of a death.
    5.Just to clarify- the mistress husband knows about the affair? and doesn't want to do anything about it?
    6. If the mistress husband knows and doesn't want to do anything about the affair--- The mistress husband might be involved in this whole thing to get money from your father... I highly suggest you to go to police and complaint about the woman and her husband are scamming your family. Or hire a private detective to find out who these people are and what is really going on with your father and the woman.
    (Maybe this couple might be blackmailing your father and your father may not be in the position to tell you & your family.)


    Goodluck
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2017
    Dishaa, dc24 and anika987 like this.
  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,987
    Likes Received:
    20,879
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't understand this extra marital affair.I had an opportunity to confront a guy who hit on me once (he was married).Asked him why he is doing this and he said"I love my wife but sex is different from love" ...BS.

    For 5 minutes of pleasure so many heartaches,family break ups yet people resort to this..sorry for the vent.

    Now,I really do not know how to console OP.I feel sad for the trauma she ,esp her mom and family members are going through.If you sincerely ask me,take the money and let the dad leave.

    You seem to be a closely knit family.take care of your mom.she has lived a life where she was lied.Be there for her and take care of her.

    As for your dad,let him go but am sure he will come back as sooner or later,he will get satiated and miss his family BUT do not take any apology.let him go.That's what is the biggest giveback.

    Take care dear
     
    dc24 likes this.
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Your father is the culprit here.She can't trap him if he doesn't want to be trapped.
     
    sbonigala and rajatsingh like this.
  9. gitika

    gitika Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Its really hurtful for that sorryfor date of yours . I would think it's better your mom accepts the offer and stays separately, it's known that this is really pretty state of affairs but atleast by this way ur mom can live peacefully for her rest life along with you people.
     
  10. gitika

    gitika Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    It's really most hurtful and sorry state of affairs. The buyer solution now would be for your mom to accept this offer, if your dad had any weaknesses try to blackmail him using that else this is the solution, actually it's really tough to accept and make your mom stay alone through life but atleast she can be peaceful & clean soul that she has avoided to stay with not a worthy companion for rest part of her life
     

Share This Page