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Expecting Dhs To Be The Best, Are We Looking Our (dws) End As Well?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by RohiniVenkat, Oct 11, 2017.

  1. AshMenon

    AshMenon Gold IL'ite

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    He will ONLY realise when his daughter gets married and his son in law takes his parents EVERYWHERE along and he, the father of DD, has to wait till Diwali or Pongal to catch a glimpse of his daughter. After all, the DD is married and has her duties there at her ILs right?
     
  2. AshMenon

    AshMenon Gold IL'ite

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    "Expecting Dhs To Be The Best, Are We Looking Our (dws) End As Well?"

    Not generalising or branding every DH as a MCP, but I feel and like most cases I have seen,be it family or friends, no matter how good looking or qualified or well mannered the DW is, she is criticized upon heavily (by Dh as well as ILs). It doesn't happen to DH. Indian women, a majority of them i.e, lead a very adjusting life once they get married. The same lady who would have never stepped her foot into the kitchen, before marriage, now cooks 3 meals a day for her DH without a complaint. She calls her ILs "mom, dad" the moment the knot is tied even though it is okay for the DH to call his ILs "uncle, aunty" even months after the marriage. DW is expected to have a good education, degree, have a good paying job and still expected to do all the household chores and cooking without a complaint. Doesnt matter if she has toiled hard at her office, or tired after her long commute home from office to home. If DH helps at home, say washing dishes or change the baby's diaper, he is considered to be a catch. But when the girl does it, it is expected. I do not expect much from my Dh though. I expect him to treat my parents the same way I treat his. But NO. I just expect him to appreciate the efforts I put in, especially when he is very observant to criticize and find faults. Hell would break loose if I did the same. I would just expect him to look at the situation in my shoes like I do, and ensures I see and agree to his POV no matter wrong or right.

    When me and my DH fight, I always introspect and even try to get a third person to give the opinion w/o any bias. I always try to correct myself and but is not the case with DH. He feels he is always right (I don't blame him, I blame the "male superior BS" upbringing he had got) So I can strongly say "Yes, While I expect DH to be the best, I am looking at my end as well". Maybe I am stupid, maybe I am living in a bubbe to expect things to change at sometime, hoping my DH will finally see my efforts and finally treat my folks as his.


    P.S: My DH is not a monster as I may have painted him to be, just the pain points I face :D
     
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  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    My cousin's MIL gets angry even if her husband picks up his own plate after eating, instead of wife picking up his plate !
    They are very much interested in her salary to pay her husband's education and marriage(reception) loans, but not supportive of her job schedule/pressure and how much support in household chores matters. Is it not enough she paid her own education loan which cost same as her husband's , but somehow she's solely responsible for his education and reception loan as well.
    According to in-laws, wife is responsible for all household chores, all major financial responsibilities(because husband needs to send money to his parents instead) through job and dowry of-course so they both can get settled !! Thankfully her husband doesn't think like this, but how long can he survive the brain-washing ?? According to Indian culture, wife is responsible for everything , then what are husband's for???
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2017
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  4. salad

    salad Gold IL'ite

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    @nakshatra1

    In olden days wife take care of household chores and husband provides finance for the family.

    Now era changed girls progressed. Girls started earning but many of the girls still don't know to handle salary! If we ask why are you working? How it is helping you? They don't have much idea.

    At the same time 70-80% men and his parents are still in 80th century. But they have got a bonus 'earning' DIL. So she has to take care of household chores (as per tradition) and go for job and earn money! Which makes life easy for lazy husbands/in laws.

    I think the day a girl starts earning herself, she should be thought how to handle her own money (50/20/30 rule). She should be thought her health and mental peace as important as food, water and shelter.

    Any husband/in laws who is expecting an earning wife should be thought to do half of the household chores. End of the day sharing is caring right? :beer-toast1:

    In already married cases girls being firm and slowly changing things from 80th to 20th century is the only option.
     
  5. poi098

    poi098 Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes, we have to say yes to everything. Yes FIL. Yes MIL. Yes Husband. Yes Daughter. Yes son. That's how "our culture" works.
     
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