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Ex moving to my city!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sunshinegaljuhi, Nov 27, 2013.

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  1. Nov 30, 2013 #61
    sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Details? waitingsmiley
    For science.
     
    sokanasanah, Nov 30, 2013
    sokanasanah, Nov 30, 2013
    #61
    2 people like this.
  2. Nov 30, 2013 #62
    heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    3 step solution:

    1. close your eyes
    2. Put your DH in your shoes and imagine all sorts of yummy possibilities with him and his female colleague
    3. come your senses
     
    heron, Nov 30, 2013
    heron, Nov 30, 2013
    #62
    1 person likes this.
  3. Nov 30, 2013 #63
    padmaja909

    padmaja909 Platinum IL'ite

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    :my2cents from my side

    one can only give advice here. the final decision you only have to make. you have to decide whats good for you in long run and act accordingly.
     
    padmaja909, Nov 30, 2013
    padmaja909, Nov 30, 2013
    #63
    1 person likes this.
  4. Nov 30, 2013 #64
    Uttaraa

    Uttaraa Platinum IL'ite

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    Doh! Wittingly skipped editing typos assuming no one reads long post thinkingsmiley
     
    Uttaraa, Nov 30, 2013
    Uttaraa, Nov 30, 2013
    #64
  5. Nov 30, 2013 #65
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Juhi,
    To answer your question on how to meet him and make it less awkward for everyone involved, there is no right answer. Your DH knows you very well over the years and may not make a big deal out of it but you can never gauge his or his dw's reaction. All you know, you are building castles in air. He may turn down your invitation to meet and catch up, his DW may not be interested. Why not wait for him to come and see what initiative he takes?
    Btw, talking about long chats and movies, do you not have GFs? I was curious as to why this guy?
     
    Laks09, Nov 30, 2013
    Laks09, Nov 30, 2013
    #65
  6. Nov 30, 2013 #66
    aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    This would make a good bollywood yash raj movie :)

    On a more serious note:
    - nothing wrong with what you are feeling the way you are feeling, it is only natural.
    - considering you are going through a gush of emotions just "knowing" he is "nearby", why do you want to put yourself through this sadomasochistic intention.
    - what is going to happen if you meet him for 1 hour, nothing right. He has to go back to his wife and kids, and you to yours. So why torture yourself.
    - you cannot be friends with someone you love (from your post it looks like you still love him).
    - besides does not look like he has extended the idea of meeting you - most likely he won't, I will be surprised if he will. Men are smarter and know how to disconnect.
    - if you can meet him in a "disconnected manner" go for it. But again, what is the purpose. Unless you just want to for a few minutes of pleasure. Just tread carefully that in these few minutes of pleasure no one gets hurt - no one.
    - if you are not sure of yourself or your emotions, just stay away from a situation that will do no real long-term good for anyone. It is like a short-term sensual pleasure, I am sure you can let it go.

    Aamrapali
     
    aamrapali, Nov 30, 2013
    aamrapali, Nov 30, 2013
    #66
    3 people like this.
  7. Nov 30, 2013 #67
    sunshinegaljuhi

    sunshinegaljuhi Senior IL'ite

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    Ha ha... Seriously Yash raj movie!!

    Well, after discussing with all of you one thing I can say is that all my initial gush of excietment has dissapeared..now I am wishing he wasnt moving here! Initially i had never thought of all the complications which might happen as pointed out by all of you, now I am very wary.

    So first of all, I am not going to make plans of meeting him, asking him to meet me or asking his family to meet us etc etc..

    Secondly, I am going to play cool (read distant and formal) if he does call me.
    Its true, I have no idea how he will react/behave so I will play it by the ear.

    I think my idea of having a closure after so many years was a bad idea after all. In any case, I am not going to run after him for closure. If the oppurtunity so presents itself, I hope we can do so ammicably.

    Once again I am thankful to all my IL friends for such thoughtful and sensible feedbacks. The one I loved most said - all this at this point of your life is just not worth it. So true!

    And to some of my friends here who have hurt me a little bit, esp. By saying one quarrel with my dh could see me in bed with my ex, I can only say - you know so little about women, their love and loyalty, their emotions. Most married women will tell you - a quarrel with the husband is also an extension of love. If their was no love, there wouldnt be all those silly quarrels.

    Lastly, please forgive me if I have hurt any of your sensibilities by this post.
     
    sunshinegaljuhi, Nov 30, 2013
    sunshinegaljuhi, Nov 30, 2013
    #67
  8. Nov 30, 2013 #68
    NamasteIndia

    NamasteIndia New IL'ite

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    Your DH knows that you still have feelings for your first love? The below are your words.

     
    NamasteIndia, Nov 30, 2013
    NamasteIndia, Nov 30, 2013
    #68
    1 person likes this.
  9. Dec 1, 2013 #69
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    When one door closes, another opens.

    When one door needs closure, it had to be open?
     
    Rihana, Dec 1, 2013
    Rihana, Dec 1, 2013
    #69
  10. Dec 1, 2013 #70
    heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    heron, Dec 1, 2013
    heron, Dec 1, 2013
    #70
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