Emotionally forced marriage need divorce advise

planetindia · Aug 8, 2012

I am indian but staying in US on H1B visa. My girlfriend is also staying in US on Student Visa. We have this relationship going on for more then 2 years now and we are in deep love with each other.

However girl's father back in india did not favour our marriage. I could have married here but was waiting for girls marriage and trying to convince to avoid any emotional drama at girls home.

Last month girl visited India and her parents forced her to marry someone of their choice in temple (emotional blackmail). That guy is also US resident (H1B visa).

However Girl is not happy with this marriage and she doesn;t like that guy , She only wants to marry me and vice versa.

I know girl could have been stronger and denied the marriage right away but unfortunately she could not and now there is fear that she might hurt herself then staying with that guy.

The good thing is that girl is on student visa and doesn't require dependent VISA(H4) to stay in USA. and she can stay separately (different US state) from her forced husband in USA while finishing his study( still 3 years to go).

We strongly love each other and want to legally come out of this mess. however I know that guy will not cooperate in divorce.

Please suggest me what is the legal and quick solution to this problem so that Girl and me both can re-marry again (either in USA or INDIA)?

I would really appreciate your suggestion on this scenario and will be desperately waiting for your answer.

peacetips · Aug 8, 2012

Aren't you both grown up enough to have a gf or bf?? If you were your EX gf's H, what would you do?

For sure, he deserves better!! You guys messed it up. Either suck it up the way it is.. or ask your gf to divorce and you both live guilty! Don't pass on all the blame on your ex gf's parents. I hope that poor man finds some peace.

fencesitter · Aug 8, 2012

what was guy's fault? the way you are narrating as if he is at fault? truth is you guys did not have balls to face up the opposition. any way, there is no quick fix. Gotta talk to the man, explain the situation and hope that he agrees for mutual divorce

planetindia · Aug 8, 2012

just to add this situation, That guy had already knew about our situation before marriage. He got engaged to this girl 1.5 years back and since then we were fighting with this guy and girls family to break the engagement.

Even after engagement I called the guy multiple time to break the engagement and leave this thing but he did not accepted. Girl told the guy that she did not like her and instead loves me a lot. But Guy did not not want to loose the social status of breaking engagement and leave the girl so that guy keep convincing her and her parents to continue with marriage and finally he managed to do that.

I know there was some lack of quick action from my side since I could have got married here( in USA) but it is not that I did not try to convince the guy.

peacetips · Aug 8, 2012

hmm, then perhaps its upto that guy and your ex GF to solve this issue. Clearly you are a third person here.

veeramachaneni · Aug 8, 2012

don't you feel ashamed to ask this question after 1.5 years of engagement? What made you wait for 1.5 years?
I feel sorry for the guy who got himself involved in the situation like this.

Only way to do is to get a divorce from the guy and remarry her again. But I don't think either you (marrying her) / your GF (divorcing her Husband) will do that.

Just don't marry any other girl out there until you clear your frustrations.

rkk1 · Aug 8, 2012

It was your girlfriend's responsibility to say 'NO' to the engagement and 'NO' to getting married. If she cannot even stand up for herself than she is nothing but an immature child. There was nothing to ask the other guy... she simply had to say "Sorry, I will not be engaged to you as I love someone else. Goodbye." It was fully her choice. Nonetheless, since she could not stand up for your love, then it's time you say goodbye to her and let her live in peace in her married life. Had she had the maturity or strength to love you then she would have chosen you, but she did not chose you. Now you can only let her go and find a girl who has the strength to go against her parents (if needed) for you. If she did not have the strength to decline the engagement from the other man, I doubt she would have the guts to get a divorce from him either.

rkk1 · Aug 8, 2012

Unless your girlfriend has the strength to divorce (which I doubt she has, as she never showed strength in making her own decisions before), then I don't think you have any business being involved with a married woman. As a married woman, her responsibility is to the man she chose to marry, and you cannot be a third wheel. It is not right for her to be carrying on any emotional or physical relationship with you when she already has a husband... who she has chosen to be married to. You need to step aside and stay away, unless and until she decides to divorce. If she does not divorce, you cannot continue a lifelong affair with her, and it would be best for you to focus your attention creating a life for yourself as well elsewhere.

Nimbu · Aug 8, 2012

I guess this is not fair that your GF didn't act smart at the first note. If she had the guts to love you and could even stay miles apart from family to study I never think its a tough job for her to stand firm for you. If she was not able to do that why spoil another guy's life. Don't we see in movies how many tricks happen to stop a forced marriage it looks really silly and immaturity. In all this your presence of mind must have ticked you saying for the quick actions... Now everything has gone for toss. I personally feel its not a good choice you have made. Two years if she has understood you fully this was not the way it should be going. Please calm down and move on for a better life.

planetindia · Aug 9, 2012

Thank you guys for you inputs.. I know I am in depression now and will think about way to fix this thing.. but looks like its all finished for me and end of the world, but don't worry I am not going to die, I will face this punishment with this depression and take all the pain.. not sure if I will be able to smile anymore.. but there were many mistakes I made during this 2 years which is also one of the reason behind this situation.. Atleast suggest me any solutions to come out of this depression.. if I can forget all this thing.. if I can skip this 2 years memory from my mind.. How to overcome this depression.. ? I am feeling that I have done the biggest mistake of my life by not taking strong actions and lack of agression.. I spoiled the life of girl and also mine... I am not going to find these kind of great girl (best compatible with me and who understood me best and loved at best) in my life and will have to suffer repenting and regretting.. Hope God will give me some peace atleast from this depression... But I made my mind to suffer and take all the pain as it comes.. Let see if I get enough strenght..