Emotional Unloading

mangaii · May 5, 2022

My husband has been with property tussle with his family and I'm also entangled in this one because I gave my jewels. Now our India trip is coming closer all I hear is husband complaining about his family to me a lot. Sometimes I have to stop him from sharing details because I don't want to carry any of his baggage. The problem is when he shares these things afterwards he is able to focus on his work and other activities while I waste my time getting worked up. I feel like he is emotionally unloading everything on me and I'm wasting so much time processing this . But the thing is he won't implement any solution I suggest like he takes a very laid back approach and this irritates me further since I spent time figuring this out. I want to listen to his worries but at the same time I want to emotionally detach myself from his problems. Somehow he is very good in doing this emotional detachment and I'm miserably failing at it. How do I do it ?

Rihana · May 5, 2022

Try to listen but do not process it, and beyond a comment or two do not offer solutions. Don't shut him up as then he might completely stop giving you updates.

mangaii · May 6, 2022

Let us say I don’t have that great control when it comes to not offer solutions. My head will probably burst if I don’t open my mouth and give my 2 cents . How I wish all the meditation I have been practicing will help me to keep my mouth shut . It is more like my mouth controls my brain . Seriously I have tried and tried but as you mentioned the other end of spectrum looks even more scarier . I even tried taping my mouth for real to just stop but still I couldn’t .

paru123 · May 6, 2022

Dont wait for him to fully unload. You could ask him about the details after a day or two, like what happened after that discussion, did you talk to your side , what they told to that. Etc etc. Keep it as an ongoing thing for communication. This way u wont feel burdened with his unloading.

abcd5 · May 6, 2022

I am following this thread because I am going through the same situation. After covid, my husband started sharing every single info in his life and after venting out his issues he goes and happily binge watch but I am opposite to him. My mind takes every single info and process it and I became so negative. Before covid, his father went against his wish and bought another flat in Chennai and now they have little savings and every day his father calls and ask for help. He transferred the money, but that is not enough for them. Before they won’t call him every day, but nowadays they call him every day to get money. After their call, he vents out to me, but if I say anything, it becomes a big issue. Whenever he shares his issues, I am not able to keep quiet. I am trying my best to keep quiet, but I am unable to do so. Even I told him not to share his family issues and his office politics, but he won’t listen.

Sorry Mangai for venting out in your tread.

mangaii · May 6, 2022

@abcd5 vent all you want. If he talks to his family in the night time he will walk into our bedroom telling me what happened. Then Ramayan starts for however minutes and then he will go back to his work. I will be staring at my ceiling thinking past midnight. Now a days I try to deflect the topic or point blank tell him in future he might be able to forgive them but I cannot . Seriously my ears bleed everyday I hear his stories. I feel I'm his in-house therapist but only problem is I get anxious when he overshares the details. But if I suggest it is like never gets done. Instead of taping my mouth I should probably put something in my ears.