Elsewhereism

HariLakhera · Apr 28, 2024

ELSEWHEREISM:

I came across the word ‘Elsewhereism’ in an article I was reading about happiness.

Most of the time we are not happy with what we have in relationships, home, place, job and whatever. We think other people are well off in this regard. We feel if we go elsewhere, we will be more happy. This is ‘Elsewhereism’. In Hindi we say ‘दूर के ढोल सुहावने,! (drum beats from a distance feel pleasant)like the grass is greener on the other side.

We forget that elsewhere are similar problems- distrust, cheating, exploitation, accidents, natural disasters, climate change, etc.

So what do we do?

Stay put and try to resolve issues or move elsewhere?

gamma50g · Apr 28, 2024

HariLakhera said: ↑

ELSEWHEREISM:

I came across the word ‘Elsewhereism’ in an article I was reading about happiness.

Most of the time we are not happy with what we have in relationships, home, place, job and whatever. We think other people are well off in this regard. We feel if we go elsewhere, we will be more happy. This is ‘Elsewhereism’. In Hindi we say ‘दूर के ढोल सुहावने,! (drum beats from a distance feel pleasant)like the grass is greener on the other side.

We forget that elsewhere are similar problems- distrust, cheating, exploitation, accidents, natural disasters, climate change, etc.

So what do we do?

Stay put and try to resolve issues or move elsewhere?
Click to expand...

@HariLakhera sir

Seems like a fancy new term for " the grass looks greener on the other side" or Tamil pithy "Akkarai ku iklarai pacchai".

True that for a lot of people others lives look more happy, glamorous, fulfilling, prosperous etc than theirs.

Unfortunately they don't even consider that the said person(s) may be displaying only one part of their life.

Also what is the guarantee that if you go elsewhere, you will not face a similar or worse-than-current problem. One needs to know how to stand tall and face the curveballs that life may throw at us. We will only emerge stronger and wiser.

Thyagarajan · Apr 28, 2024

Stay put in toxic atmosphere is better to avoid and keep distance from it. It could be home place street neighbour. A friend destroyed the neighbour by creating false stories about ghost in home etc. The neighbour could not hire out a part of his bungalow. He sold it to a real estate man who was friend's friend and that friend now owns a major part of the street to himself.
The post and Fb reminds my friends and well wishers quoting distant lend enchantment to the view. I could hv gone to Detroit as my class mates in MIT did in 1968. But I was discouraged to cross the Atlantic despite things were sounding much better then in USA. ( another comment was many IITs established at great cost to exchequer but eventually it resulted in brain drain) . For all those IITians expats to USA then it was real green pasture.
There was an old Adage "shake the Pakodas and get rich soon if not overnight". It was time foreigners flock to India to get rich or ENRICHED. India was once upon a time included in "elsewherism" especially to Europeans. They travelled the spice route often.
Eldorado is supposed to be a fictional heaven.

The google dictionary doesn't hv the word elsewherism yet.
An old vintage tamil cine song comes to mind which speaks of ...distant green looks attractive to eyes.
( தூரத்து பச்சை தான் கண்ணுக்கு அழகாய்)

Viswamitra · Apr 28, 2024

When it involves abuse (verbal or physical), it is important not to accept it as standard in every home. It kills the self-esteem like a slow poison. In situation like that greener posture might be one they should aspire for. However, in general, one should have gratitude for what one has in normal life instead of comparing with others when things are going good already. Desires are something one can't chase forever at some point and that can't be mistaken for achieving goals. Growth is necessary but not by comparing with others but by setting self-governed growth path.

HariLakhera · Apr 29, 2024

gamma50g said: ↑

@HariLakhera sir

Seems like a fancy new term for " the grass looks greener on the other side" or Tamil pithy "Akkarai ku iklarai pacchai".

True that for a lot of people others lives look more happy, glamorous, fulfilling, prosperous etc than theirs.

Unfortunately they don't even consider that the said person(s) may be displaying only one part of their life.

Also what is the guarantee that if you go elsewhere, you will not face a similar or worse-than-current problem. One needs to know how to stand tall and face the curveballs that life may throw at us. We will only emerge stronger and wiser.
Click to expand...

Dear Mam,
In another group, I was told "Akkarai ku iklarai pacchai" means grass greener on our side. Either way, green grass is in demand. That is where we look for happiness elsewhere. It is only after we reach that elsewhere that almost similar problems exist there too. Take for example people moving to other countries for better prospects. People are similarly unhappy there too for one reason or the other.
There seems to be no clear answer.

HariLakhera · Apr 29, 2024

Thyagarajan said: ↑

Stay put in toxic atmosphere is better to avoid and keep distance from it. It could be home place street neighbour. A friend destroyed the neighbour by creating false stories about ghost in home etc. The neighbour could not hire out a part of his bungalow. He sold it to a real estate man who was friend's friend and that friend now owns a major part of the street to himself.
The post and Fb reminds my friends and well wishers quoting distant lend enchantment to the view. I could hv gone to Detroit as my class mates in MIT did in 1968. But I was discouraged to cross the Atlantic despite things were sounding much better then in USA. ( another comment was many IITs established at great cost to exchequer but eventually it resulted in brain drain) . For all those IITians expats to USA then it was real green pasture.
There was an old Adage "shake the Pakodas and get rich soon if not overnight". It was time foreigners flock to India to get rich or ENRICHED. India was once upon a time included in "elsewherism" especially to Europeans. They travelled the spice route often.
Eldorado is supposed to be a fictional heaven.

The google dictionary doesn't hv the word elsewherism yet.
An old vintage tamil cine song comes to mind which speaks of ...distant green looks attractive to eyes.
( தூரத்து பச்சை தான் கண்ணுக்கு அழகாய்)
Click to expand...

Dear Thyagarajan,
The word Elsewhereism was coined in the book Good Enough by Daniel Milo and may not be in the dictionary. However, our 'pursuit' for happiness has taken us to many elsewheres in one way or the other.
One of them was and is, as you said, crossing the Atlantic after MIT. Those who cross, have to compromise and accommodate for the green dollars. That might have given some materialistic pleasure but not real happiness.
It is true about relationships, jobs, friends.

HariLakhera · Apr 29, 2024

Viswamitra said: ↑

When it involves abuse (verbal or physical), it is important not to accept it as standard in every home. It kills the self-esteem like a slow poison. In situation like that greener posture might be one they should aspire for. However, in general, one should have gratitude for what one has in normal life instead of comparing with others when things are going good already. Desires are something one can't chase forever at some point and that can't be mistaken for achieving goals. Growth is necessary but not by comparing with others but by setting self-governed growth path.
Click to expand...

Good. When we talk of abuse, we also have to remember that it takes two to tango or both hands are needed to clap. And here comes the need to review, reconcile and failing which relocate.
Our generation managed to stay with differences as a couple. The same is not true now. There is an increase in divorces. Joint families have collapsed for many reasons.
Gratitude is a basic need followed by sincere efforts to improve.