Earnest advise to younger married women

fionashrek · Jun 6, 2013

Dear friends,

I have been married for 3.5 years now. I am 28 years old. I have been having PCOD for a long time now, but doctor said not to worry I will have a baby without too many problems.

We did not want to have a child for some time because of some unavoidable problems. But I would like to tell all you younger ladies out there that if possible please please please do not delay pregnancy.

At one point in time you are not ready to have a child, but when you start trying to have a child, you will perhaps change your mind almost overnight! And then you are MORE THAN than ready to have a baby and it is very painful to wait..

I am in that state right now. I am more than ready to have a baby, but it is taking its own sweet time. I would have been patient had my health been ok, but it is not. Now people have also started repeatedly asking and I cannot handle it. Whenever I see a baby or a little child around me, or I see baby bumps of pregnant women, but I just cannot handle it.

I burst out crying whenever I have my periods or my pregnancy test turns negative. When you are ready and it does not happen, it kills you everyday. I am in that state today - i am very very sad. If you need fertility treatment, it may take time for you to conceive. So, please keep that much of buffer in mind and start trying for a baby sooner. I do not want anyone to be in my shoes. So, this is an earnest piece of advice.

You would rather have a baby and then slowly get used to the new life, than in a situation like mine. A baby will only bring happiness to your home - will never take away anything...

Lots of love.

Telja · Jun 6, 2013

ya same was my experience too .. so mine sincere advice too to all married women .. dont delay in pregnancy .. money , job, position,fame, location can be done and achieved any moment in life but getting pregancy in this modern world is going to be tough.. so dont delay if you want to be a mother.......

ppriya182010 · Jun 6, 2013

My hugs to both of you.

Be happy and positive. Please don't put so much pressure on to urself. It happens when it happens. Just think positive.

menong · Jun 6, 2013

At original OP , its indeed sad that you are facing such a situation but please do not give advice to people to have babies first and then figure out the situation . For to have a baby and bring it up you need to be mentally ready as well else I know people who in their subconcious mind resent their kid unknowingly because it was never planned for nor in the horizon of visibility

Radhai · Jun 6, 2013

I will be ready only when i am. but i appreciate the intention and good will of the advice.

fionashrek · Jun 6, 2013

Hi Radhai, menong,

Thank you for your comments. It is after all an individual choice. I used to think exactly like you. But I would rather not be in the situation that I am in today. Esp, when I know that age and health are not on my side.

Anyway, whatever choice you make, it is perfectly ok - as long as you are ready to face anything that may happen later..I just found that I am regretting it a bit now. Please please pray for me. Love to all..

radhaparth2000 · Jun 6, 2013

Op, there are few people who try right from first day but still don't succeed for long!! What do you want to say for them? Whilst I understand your intention 'please understand that having a baby is a very big thing in life. Both husband and wide should not only be ready but should be able to provide a healthy family environment for raising the kid. My advice is baby making is not a chore in life, it's a very big thing, do it only when you are fully ready emotionally, financially and have a good confidence that you can provide a good life to the child

Visasri · Jun 6, 2013

Hi OP,
this was the advice given by my colleagues to me when I got married. Those ladies postponed for career and even after somewhere between 5 to 7 months, they are not able to conceive when they tried. 2 of them were able to afford. The rest cannot afford so still waiting and started to lose hope. so opted out test tube baby and 1 got successful results. SO me and DH decided not to postpone and yet not to worry for a year, even if does nt happens. Exactly the very month I got conceived but lost the child in 7th month. I took another year and waited and got conceived and now have a 1 yr old kid. But gynec insists to plan for next or go for family planning as mine is a cervical cerclage case and I cannot withstand one with previous history after 30. So, ladies often we never know what is the issue unless we conceive.

So, it is better to try when you are young and body is of prime health. But again not many can go for baby due to various issues career, money and even family. All you can do is to keep fit. Eat good food and try minimal workouts. This will make your body fit and you may not face any issues due to the factor of aging. You would also be able to handle all pressure and stress of pregnancy with job if you are physically healthy and happy. \

PS: Most of them not able to conceive are advised to shed weight by doctors.

Endlesshope · Jun 6, 2013

The incredible amount of pain that you through can only be understood "if we walked a mile in your shoes" , but for everybody else this will seem like a random advice.

And for all those saying "oh don't take stress /pressure" HA HA HA HA HA

Gauri03 · Jun 6, 2013

Fiona,

Don't stress! Stress is the biggest hurdle to conception. When we are under stress, our bodies produce excess cortisol which signals the brain that our survival in under threat. In response, the brain shuts down all non-critical processes, the first of which is reproduction. This is a primitive response from when we were cave-women. Imagine being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger, reproduction would be the last thing on your mind! This is a highly simplistic summary of the process but the general idea is accurate.

A healthy woman in her 20's has a 15-20% chance of conceiving every month. So don't fret unless you have tried to conceive in a stress-free state for at least six months straight. For someone with pcos, it might take a little bit longer. You are only 28. You have at least 12-15 years of fertility left. Relax!

As far as having babies early goes, it is definitely ideal from a biological perspective. But real life gets in the way. Getting an education, building a career, and laying the foundations of a stable relationship with your partner take time. Realistically a modern woman doesn't have the luxury to have babies in her early 20's.