Dowry Harassment

Ria, It seems you have said it all. Even when a girl wants to come out of a disastrous Marriage, the parents and peers push her back in the same hell ....for what? The fear of society? Society! Here's how a society functions.

Had she walked out of that marriage before it was too late, people here would have said "What, she walked out in one year? The girl should have adjusted a little more" And now, you will hear the very same people say "Oh, if it was so bad, she shouldn't have killed herself, she was weak, she should have just walked out"

The point I am making has already been put across by Ria. Here's something we CAN do in the future. As parents, we will teach our sons that they are NOT first among equals and teach our Daughters that being a female in this society does not make her a "weaker" sex. She is the only one who can decide when the line of tolerance has been crossed and when she waks out, the world most certainly does not end. It is not our sole purpose on earth to be Mrs. XYZ. It is not true that a woman can be beaten up just as long as the husband comes home every night. Why? Why should we let ourselves be degraded to such a level? A "nice" husband in the 18th century was someone who did not come home drunk every night and beat up his wife....are we still living in that age?

My parents have told me always that "Marriage is a relationship for keeps" but they also taught me "A certificate and a thread does not maketh a marriage". I know that if the tolerance line is crossed, I will know what to do, whether society approves or condemns .

 

I totally agree with Ria.Well written Ria.In our indian society woman aretreated as second class and the men like kings.The Grooms parents are so greedy that they would go to any extent to torture their DIL for dowry.
Women should stand up and fight. In my family my father has taught us that if the groom's family or the groom tortures you just come back and we take legal action

Women should not be treated as piece of shits, we are as educatedas the men are our parents have spent a lot on our education, in the african customs the men pay dowry and if he fails to pay thedowry price the bride is taken away from the groom. he really gets a shouting if hefails pay the dowry price.

We women are better than men and we should lower ourselves.
alpa

 

ohh my god... just cant beleive... imagine the parents situation... even in this modern world, all r educated still dowry prob ... may that girl's soul rest in peace...

 

Dear Jasmine,

You said - "As for the dowry,the dowry law is such an old one,but I am not sure whether its even implemented properly".

Actually there are various harassment related laws-
1. Dowry prohibition act came into picture in 1961.
2. IPC Section 498A in 1983
3. Domestic Violence (DV) act only in 2005.

So the dowry law is old, but over a period of years new harassment related laws are coming up.

I agree about the implementation issues, but it is our fault, not the Government. Girls often do not complaint, they prefer to take all the torture silently and then commit suicide when they can not tolerate it anymore.

How many of us know that we can get the husband and his whole family sent to jail without any proof? Such strong are the laws in India today that whatever we say will be assumed to be the truth. No proof required, not even a lawyer required.

So everything is there for us, just that we do not use the provisions made for helping us. We have to be more aware and live to live with dignity. Let us all take a vow that we shall demand a fair life with dignity at home.

 

I am going through the same phase. right now I am leaving in USA, and my husband is harassing with demands of getting more money from my parents and me. I am working in here and he is demanding to deposit all the money in his bank account and he is threatening saying that if I dont deposit the money he will give divorce and will go back to India. The level of harassment is so high which made me to atempt for suicide twice. I just want to come out of this hell and punish my husband. I know that in India there we can file case against dowry act etc.. Can some one guide me how to fight this situation in USA.

Eagrly waiting for some one reply and help

 

So she preferred taking her own life rather than stand up for her rights and fight the monster. Had she reported the abuse to local authorities?

I wish she had complained and sought some help as opposed putting up silently. May her soul rest in peace. Also wonder if anyone is going to file a case against the monster.

As I have mentioned before on other threads, I know quite a few desi gals (both inside and outside of India) that walk out under tough and severe circumstances. These are not just upper middle class.

 

Ria2006 , those are the real words which describe the state of Indian women in most of the houses.. hats off for putting them together.

I really wonder if this is a suicide. Even if you eat 4 tablets in a row you end up throwing.. eating off 1 pound of coins and stabbing oneself Left Right and Center needs a lot of courage in a woman... and if she had it she could have made a way out of her life... rather than bearing this torture.

 

here is my 2 cents ...

its easy to say why didn't she have the courage to walk out and so on ... but its a far deeper problem as Ria has pointed out .. lovely post that was on the sorry state of Indian women

and the ultimate tragedy is that education has nothing to do with it .. I have heard of several elite educated families who wanted sons desperately ( no matter how many daughters they had ), always believed that the daughter was an ornament to be displayed at a wedding and then packed off for good .
On the contrary , the maid who works in my house has one daughter who is dyslexic and is very clear that they will not have any more kids , and that they will educate their daughter in a special school and care for her for as long as possible , and not pack her off for the sake of getting her married . Hats off to her !

Until and unless society's attitude changes this will continue to make headlines ... to be forgotten till the next headline comes up

 

I think financial independence is the key. If you have a grown up girl whining to her parents about her married life then it is easier for them (path of lesser resistance) to just ask her to put up. Now if the girl were financially independent, she can walk out and not even depend on her parents for financial support.

Society is constantly in a flux, we are the next generation of Indian society so we get to (re)define upbringing of our children and their attitudes.

We can look at our parents generation and blame our parents, society, country .....will help us vent out, it will leave a bad taste and will not resolve any issues or we can look towards the future and change ourselves first.

Some practical things:
1. Give your kids a good education and make them financially independent
2. Encourage them to have a confident as opposed to a victim complex.
3. Do not give or take dowry when your kids get married. Split the marriage expenses in half (as it should be).

 

Heart wrenching. Tears tears.........