Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Feb 11, 2019.
Interdependence- it is combination of dependence and independence in itself without controlling each other.
Dependence on each other make the relationship romantic and beautiful. Make each other among the top priorities in life. Love, respect, care, trust, acceptance, communication and understanding is required. Nurture the relationship.
Independence is needed to give each other the personal space anyone needed. It also mean you should love and take care of yourself as an individual, have your own life, space, me time, goals, hobbies, friendship. Nurture & respect yourself.
Respect the boundary and difference- Understand that both are two different individuals , raised in totally different environments and accept the legacy of upbringing. After marriage don't consider that your spouse is your property and don't try to control or change them beyond their comfort zone. Give and take. Always respect in-laws, but remember they are not your parents and you are not their child. They are parents of your spouse. Accept their space in your spouse's life and avoiding complaining about them -it wont help you in any way.
DONTS - Its easy to say forgive, forget and sacrifice. We can do to some extent and can give chances too if its minor cases. But if one take you for granted for serious cases like abuse, cheating of any kind, adultry/EMA etc.. You cannot keep on forgiving. In that case get out of the abusive relationship. But forgive yourself for giving that many chances and move on. Dont waste and sacrifice your precious life for someone who don't value it.
Thanks @DDream , they are really valuable points
Good thread. Got good learning points from all of them.
I like to add.
Every couple is different. So never compare with another couple. It's okay to admire and learn from others. But never be little your partner. You need to write your own story. So it's okay if you are different from others.
Don't fall for social media trap. Don't take it on face value. Learn from them that, they all got problems in spite they choose to portrait happy sides of their marriage. So now it's your choice!
Build good friendship with your partner. Everyday talk at least for 30 minutes. Just you both. May be a walk or a cup of coffee. Discuss, to know about each others day and perspective. Try to listen without judgement . Make it a routine.
Discuss future plans together, baby,house,career...etc. Make sure both are the same page.
Appreciate & acknowledge. Be independent.
Thanks @salad for great points
My reply comes from my current state of mind and may or may not be right. I think the first few years of marriage set the bar for the rest of your married life. It is very important to communicate what is acceptable and what is not. Also what your expectations are and find out about his expectations as well. If you have missed this window to solve the problems it will be increasingly difficult as the marriage progress and you may have missed the boat to address those issues later on. So I have only one item in the Do list : communicate !
As for don’ts: badmouthing spouses family is a big NO . They will never forget .
Thanks @SinghManisha. I agree that first few years of marriage decides the future of marriage
1. Consider my mom's as your mom,my sister as your sister or my brother as your brother!!!! All these does not work...Better not to share our problems with any of the in laws ,at the end it was all our mistake.
2. Our parents are our inner strength..The secrets which you share with them remains as secrets always. I am not sure of a sibling because I don't have one! I used to discuss my problems with cousins but later on I never felt good because it used to be a news among the entire family.So avoided discussions even with friends and cousins.
3. Never put yourself down or degrade yourself.Never lose self respect.
4.Do some little things which can make the spouse happier.One thing which I do is call my MIL regularly...You can get advices, They will compare you on your money status beauty everything..at the end we have two ears..one is to listen what we like and the other is to let off go .
Do not stress ourself because our kids need us ,our parents need us.
@Ammu2886 , they are some good points, thanks!
My mom always says if I have any problem share only with them and not anyone else including cousins. If everyone gets to know our problems they may take us for granted.
I agree with you on some points only.
I have completed 25 yrs of marriage and both of us are working till date. Frankly speaking sometimes I do share with my parents and in laws and they have been supportive to me but it also depends on how well you vibe with them.
Never ever indulge in self-pity, but at the same time whenever you do something good, don't forget to pat yourself on your back. I would ask all of you dear ladies please appreciate yourself all the time and never ever self pity yourself. Say your love yourself for what your are and definitely we are all unique person in this world.
Always be with your family in every ups and downs and enjoy every moment in your life.