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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rdheiva, May 13, 2024.

  1. rdheiva

    rdheiva Senior IL'ite

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    Hi all..
    I have been married for 16 years now... husband is doing business.. he can't take off even a single day. So I attend all the family events good and bad on both sides of relatives.. also me and my son go to our relatives house occasionally for mini vacay. But everyone I go out either for some occasion or without reason he won't like it.. he wilsay waste of money or no money.. somehow he will put me in tension whenever I go.. I have canceled many trips like this.. when I was with parents we used to go to all functions all holidays Even when we had less money. But now we have money but oru pakkamum nimmadhiya poga mudila.. epdi idha samalikradhu.. each time I ask for, I end up in argument..
     
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  2. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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    I read @Thyagarajan in another post that earlier in marriage the man is control of things but as time goes by, the woman takes up control. I think I understand what he means. In your case, it is time for you to step and take control.

    You have not mentioned what kind of business your husband does which keeps from from taking a single day off. Your first step is to get him to take at least one day off every week. If it means he loses 1/7th of his revenue, so be it.

    Borrowing from Sir Isaac Newton,

    A body at rest will remain at rest, and a body in motion will remain in motion unless it is acted upon by an external force.

    Time for you to exert some external pressure. How you do it, is up to you. As long as you are willing to making it happen, it will happen.

    Good luck.
     
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  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    @rdheiva,

    What is the purpose of earning money round the clock, if it is not for using it wisely some of them for future, some of them for enjoying vacation, and some of them are your son's education? You need to bring some sanity into his thinking that work is everything. There has to be work/life balance and expecting wife to handle everything else other than business is so unfair. There has to be an agreement as to how your combined life should work.

    There has to be some concrete steps taken at home to make him relent to what you need. It could be a silent treatment or it could be something else but communicating your dissatisfaction is important. Neither of you are enjoying life without sometime spent together as a family. Working for a few years like that is okay as the business grows but one should not continue working 24/7 forever. He should learn to delegate some of his work even if it costs money. Hopefully, it is not causing a lot of stress to him which could later result in health issues. He should take some break and it is important. If required, you can request a physician to tell him that he needs to take at least a day's break every week and 15 days of vacation once a year.

    All the best.
     
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  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you for quoting me here.
    I was lion in the beginning when i just got hooked
    But later i turned a lamb and spouse who used to be reticent and bit meek
    Now roars like a lioness
    When i happen to lend a deaf ear.
    We saved moneys thanks to banker-spouse who took great care
    In our early days of marriage.

    She participated in making wise decisions in good time
    All the way that includes savings investments & education
    And now that I prefer to remain a lamb
    And she quietly control which I cherish & enjoy.

    It is said there are three things which all cannot occur simultaneously for many.
    Those are Time, Money & Energy.
    When young X is energetic and lots of Time
    but he has no money to enjoy life.
    When x is an adult he has lots of energy & money but no Time to enjoy.
    When X has time & lots Richness
    Alas X has no energy left
    To enjoy!
    Life is Like that for Many.
     
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  5. rdheiva

    rdheiva Senior IL'ite

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    Nice to hear.. I have tried every means like sitting and speaking quietly and arguments.. everything in vain...not only he is busy in business. In whatever I do he has opinion and he wants me to do in certain way.. he keeps on instructing criticizing everything and once in a while he tests me if I am doing a certain work in certain time in a certain way.. i really am in a fear all the time and I told him that too...
     
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  6. rdheiva

    rdheiva Senior IL'ite

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    He s doing a business in FMCG product
     
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  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    @rdheiva,
    It appears to be more a personality issue than the business. Apart from him not spending time with the family, he is also controling your actions including how it has to be done. He appears to require psychological help from a trained professional. He is not only making life miserable for you and children but for himself as well. It is time you do something more drastic as most of your efforts to fix this issue is not working. It is definitely not good in the long run to continue the status quo.
     
  8. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    These kind of men lead miserable lives and makes sure that their spouse and child also do the same. I can relate with you.
    You can't change him nor his views. What you can practice is turning a deaf ear to everything he says. Do as you wish, go where you want. Don't seek his permission. If he starts arguing, remain calm and composed. Don't argue.
    With practice you will get the hang of it. Remove your ego and be good in your behavior.
    You can't win battles against such folks by showing anger and frustration. Treat him like a mental patient and be good no matter what.
    Do as you please without getting into any argument. Whether he is happy or not, is none of your business.
     
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  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    This views/suggestion is most pragmatic. Ignore as if he is not there.
    Quote:
    kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahaan nahin milta, kahin zamin to kahin aasmaan nahin milta.
     
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  10. rdheiva

    rdheiva Senior IL'ite

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    Thank u... that needs a lot of practice.. will try for sure
     
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