Does this make sense ??

Besides what Srividya wrote.. Hope the both of you married to each other are adults !!

What are you doing with yourself ? how much of more mess will you
' allow ' to happen in your life ?
I say allow, because had you known the meaning to live, you wouldnt have got into this mess.. It isnot about rights for DIL and nonsense.. It is all about individuality ! Where is that ? Regardless of whom you decide to give the money to and all, NO ONE in this world has the right to tell you to cut ties with YOUR PARENTS.. Period. Do you look for permission from people whom you met in later life ( including husband and inlaws ) to allow you to talk to your parents ? What weird nonsense is this ?

Infact, your parents too wouldnt have the right to tell whom you are allowed to talk to or not.. So, what is it with these new set of relations.. ?

Does he as well ? Does he understand that a spouse needs to treated with respect ? You dont have to seperate for such things, Girl ! You need to just know that you are an adult and keep space in any relationship !

You need to simply call office and close down the salary account directing to joint account.

I dont understand why you had to fight for a credit card when you are earning ? You have your papers that are needed to get one and what is the big showdown here ??

You need to say SHUT UP and LEAVE ME ALONE when it comes to
" meetings " between inlaws / your parents and THE BOTH OF YOU !

You are married to this man and if there is a discussion then it is between the both of you. That is all. Else there is NONE.

Time to become bold and regrow your spine, Lady ! if you dont help yourself, no one can ! It is way too silly to sit there and say,
" They are ruling my life and I am allowing them to walk all over me, now - How do I do more of it ?? "

Would you like any one asking advice for this ?

Ask them to Mind their own work ! You simply say, they are my parents and I dont need anyone in this world to tell me what I need to do with them.. I dont go about telling your son not to talk to you people, so if I did, then you talk too ! Till then, just GO AWAY !

The next time there is a meeting called for - BOYCOTT IT !!

 

Seriously Are u some LKG student where the teachers call upon your parents to complain about you ???????

Tell your dh to grow a pair and be man enough to discuss the problems with YOU and keep his parents out of it.

Just give an ultimatum to him and see what he decides. If he leans his parents side, please rethink this relationship..

 

Hi,

Its sad that you are in that situation and I know it becomes very suffocating to live like this but you have to handle it.

Firstly - Set the ground rules of ur reltionship. Ask him if u both are equal in this relationship or does he think hes superior. If he says u both are equal then be firm, not aggressive and tell him that its ur decision to have a seperate a/c and its ur money. If he says he's superior and in the indian culture, man of the house makes the decision - then make it very clear to him that in the Indian culture DIL does not work and if she does it has never been the responsibilty of the women to run the house. Its the man who has always been the breadearner.

Chnage the account ur salary goes in and tell ur husband u have done it and from next month/fortnight the salary wont b coming in the same account. He doesnt need to authorise it, u just have to tell ur employer to do it. There will be a lot of DRAMA, FIGHTING,SHOUTING just doont get aggresive cos that will worsen the matter. Infact just get up and go out for a walk or read a book, sit on the laptop. Dont pay any heat to what ever ur hubby says. He will b very very upset and u will b able to see the aftereffects of it, but just deal with it. Tell him that its cos of his family's and his attitude u have taken that step.

Also if they insist for a meeting try to avoid it, but if they insist say that u will have a meeting ONLY when ur parents are around cos ur husbands parents are going to be a part of that meeting as well. This will postpone things and some matters will die out anyways.

Hope this helps!

 

Hi,

I forgot to mention that stop any communication that u have with ur INL'S. Only communicate with them when ur hubby is around. Let them say things and keep them asking questions, dont reply back. But instead when they complain to their husband about ur attitude say that u have been talking to them - cos u they are ur parents at the end of the day too. Put the ball back in ur hubby's ourt by saying - why would I do/behave like this with them ???

If you wont have any communications - for how long can they say things ! They willl evenually give up. I know its easier said than done, but that is what I did with mu inl's and trust me it wasn't easy.

Cheers !

 

I was in a very simillar sitaution, My Il's kept saying my mom is poisioning my mind so it is best not to talk to her any more, and that they can call if they want only when my husband was around, i agreed to that to keep the peace but i became so frustrated and angry that i used to cry all the time and consant fights in the end i decided to call them and see what happens, now i call them whenever i want and dont care a damn what they say, its the hateful hings they say that makes us do things to the oher extreme.
They wanted the person who helped arraange the marriage to go to my parents house and shout at my parents, they held a meeting and in the end the mediator gave my ILS's a good firing beause what they were saying was immaure and unreasonable.
Similar to you all the jewellery was to be kept in their house when i had split it equally so i did not have to carry it around form place to place. They created a big tamasha by saying that all was taken on hire to be returned after a year to the jewellers, i did not say anything then then afterwards during my BIL Wedding i took it all and left it in my Parents house it was good because my IL's dont get along with the other DIL as well and have left town.
You have to be strong if you have your husbands support it is good if not we are to do it ourselves.

Greed thats all it is.

 

Hi,

I had the same issue with my inlaws cos they have not been able to control me and run mu life their way. They used to call my parents and complain to them, at first my parents listened but then my dad said u keep saying that she is a bad DIL, I want to meet ur relatives and want to ask them when has my daughter been bad to them and wat wrong does she do. To this my MILreplied that she is nice with everyone except us and then my dad said then u have to analyse the situation and see why my daughter is nice to everyone around u and not U . They never went back to my parents after that. Tell ur parents to reply back to them or else they will keep bothering like this and ur parents will suffer at the end. By their or ur keeping quiet, is it helping the situation, not its NOT ! Let ur inlaws say wat they have to say, u b in constant touch with ur parents . If u cant call them, b in conatant touch on emails and dont tell ur hubby about it. This way when something happens ur parents will not be surprised, they will know wat iss happening and they can handlie it accordingly. Also if ur inlaws make it a habit to call ur parents all the time, tell ur parents to ignore their calls. Dont answer them for the time, and once u tell them tht it was a general call and then ur parents can call back. I guess u are in USA and ur prents are in India - UDD KE THODI INDIA PAHUNCH JAYENGE YA FONE SE BAHAR THODI AAA JAYEENGE !!! Let them do what they want to do.

For ur jewellery - If u tell ur inlaws that u want it they wont give u , try to take it by some or the other reason. Have u got a wedding to attend if yes then take it at that time and dont give it abck... keep it with u saying that u will want to wear it again on this ocassion, on diwali puja, on karvachauth and u dont want to bother ur MIL by asking all the time. If u are going to india, take it then..say u want it cos u have to attend few weddings and will wear it then. Have a seperate a/c where u can put all ur jewellery. U can do that in melb, I am sure u can do it in US as well.

Do ur inlaws stay with u in the same house ? And wat is stopping u from changing ur a/c that the salary goes into. If u are concerned that by doing this they will create a scene and ur parents will get affected - look at it this way by giving in as well they create issues and inform ur parents before hand that u will b having a seperate a/c soon so if they get any fone call from inlwas - just IGNORE IT !

Hoope this helps !

 

Preethi already asked this and I keep having this question about lot of posters who say I love my husband but what to do if he insists on divorce:bonksooo do you have any option if he INSISTS??? Marriage needs 2 people. But divorce needs only 1. How come no one realises it???

In your marriage, all your husband/inlaws want is money, jewels etc if not they will sendthe DIL back (as if returning something they bought) so far things have been tackled well, but if he insists his parents were insulted and he wants separation from you because of that...tell me what else you can do! atleast be with peace that you separated your finances well ahead and keep all the jewels in the locker and have their possession in your custody so that you dont have to depend on anyone for living.

I am all for it to give away jewels, money everything to a husband who treats his wife as equal to him and understands how painful would it be if someone insults us. But if the same person whom we are going to depend on acts so nasty,immature,dumb and irresponsible, can we depend on such person anytime in our life??? can we have that peace of mind? and even if we force our relationship of so called marriage on such a guy, he would always try to figureout his ways to run away from responsibilities.

So instead of looking at saving the marriage, look at doing what is RIGHT. No one ever got into trouble by doing what is right!