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does the colour of the skin really matter in marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by radhikaraj, Mar 29, 2007.

  1. radhikaraj

    radhikaraj New IL'ite

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    Hi, i want to share an incident with u. My neighbours has 2 daughters. The eldest is wheatish fair and a reserved girl and the younger is very fair. Their mom always tell others that her first one is very dark. She told this even to my mom. But actually this girl is not dark. so some how i felt why people give importance to colour than character. This girl got married to her dad's friend son. now starts the issue. This girl hardly ventured out and had a reserved life, but the younger one visits all places and is a jovial one. The eldest daughter's inlaws and their relatives had seen the younger one and knew her. when the proposal was placed they assumed that the girl is the youngest. many did not know that there is an elder one. so they told the groom that the girl is like sridevi and bla, bla... but when they saw the girl in "penn parkum padalam", they realised that the girl is different. though the marriage took place , the groom's relatives tell this girl that the younger one is good to look at and so on. so far this elder girl did not give much importance to all these, but when i meet her recently( she was my class mate and i knew her well) she sounded depressed and cried why every one treat her like this though she is fair; and asked does the colour of the skin matter? i was taken aback and could not answer her. this troubled me a lot so i am sharing it with you all. U guys tell me. why do people place so much value to the colour ?
     
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  2. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Re: does the colour of the skin really matter?

    That is a sad reality...In India,especially in Tamilnadu,people will tell you right on your face whether you are karuppu or sevappu.The worst is when they translate that as is in english-Black or white(never dark or fair).I find this obsession very hard to digest.

    When I was in my teens,this neighbour of mine had a daughter who was dark-skinned.When that daughter used to stand next to me( I have a lighter complexion),that mother used to tell her-even if you stand next to her you are not going to become fair!! I used to cringe hearing this!!!How can a mother tell that to her own daughter?:bangcomp:

    The irony of the whole thing is that once we land here in the U.S,all of us who are so called fair-skinned,tend to be called brown-skinned here:mrgreen:

    Recently,someone I know got married.The groom is wheat-skinned and the girl is also the same.But the groom's parents say-the girl doesn't have much colour....:bang I say, the groom is no Manmadhan,either!! Why,why can't they say,she is a perfect match since the groom also has the same colour?

    Really,beats me.

    Some of the most beautiful people I know are dark..they have wonderful features that I yearn to have.:cry: If only we people learn to accept others as they are,the world would surely be a wonderful place to live.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2007
  3. Lavanya

    Lavanya Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: does the colour of the skin really matter?

    When this question comes up especially through a guy this is what I say "you don't have a chance with Aishwarya Rai. So be happy that this woman whom you've married/ going to marry is ready to stand by you through thick n' thin"!!!!

    Unfortunately, most often women create issues for other women. Be it complexion or height or weight or whatever trivial thing that doesn't play any role in the bigger picture is what troubles them the most. Scientifically fair-skinned people are ones with more skin disorders. Little do people realize how flawed they are before they pick on others.

    In reality, people living in glass houses are the ones throwing stones at others. At a deeper level they are actually trying to compensate for something else. There's a popular belief in many families that Southern Indian women delivering babies especially in US or UK get "extremely" fair-skinned kids who look "pretty". :idontgetit:
    I'm sorry to be rude, but if my kid looks way prettier & fairer than the average +/- the complexion of myself & my hubby then may be its not "our" kid!!! I don't hesitate to tell this answer to anyone who tells me that babies born in US/UK will be prettier.

    I really am truly sorry to see the intellectual capacity of such people who value appearances. "All that glitters is not gold". Partly, media hypes up any small notion in the society too. But if we are so dumb then no point blaming the media. It is saddening to still see matrimonial ads seeking white/fair/tall/good looking female or male. I guess if every one of us can change the mindset of atleast 1 such person we know then it might be worthwhile... but then again people like that want to believe what they want & pretend not to understand your point of view! :icon_frown:
     
  4. radhikaraj

    radhikaraj New IL'ite

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    Re: does the colour of the skin really matter?

    hi, sunitha and Lavanya, well said. If most mothers learn not to put their child down and betray them before others, how nice it would be. Atleast this forum should be an eye-opener to all the ladies in this site. I hope we all learn from experiences like this.
     
  5. Huma

    Huma Silver IL'ite

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    Re: does the colour of the skin really matter?

    skin colour doesnt really matter when the person has a good nature.
    in india people used to think dark skin people r also bad inside.
     
  6. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: does the colour of the skin really matter?

    This is a very interesting thread. What you mention here is absolutely true. We in India give so much importance to skin color.
    Lavanya, your comments about fair (white?) baby made me laugh. It really is true and is said with a sense of humor and it will jolt people out of their stupidity.
    We make a big hue and cry over discrimination in the foreign countries and racial and color prejudice. How about looking closer home in India itself ?! No matter how fair and peaches and cream complexion some of us may have, abroad, we are considered 'colored'. But whatever, that is not the issue. The trouble starts when some people are being intentionally hurt because of their skin color. Our matrimonial columns are enough proof to show how color prejudiced we are.
    It is also true that people in India think that when the kids are born abroad, they also assume the fair skin color!??
    Every time I went home with my two little princesses, the open and thoughtless comments was how come they are dark skinned, even when born abroad! I was dumbstruck, surely, our people are not that stupid??:)
    My friend's daughter is a beautiful fair, tall and a lovely girl. Can you imagine the adulation she got for her looks? She was addressed as 'azhagi' among the Indian community and everyone would cater to her arrogance...can't blame the young girl though. But when amongst the foreigners, they found my daughters pretty just because of their dark skin and big eyes! What a paradox!
    Even I enjoy the absolute beauty of Aishwarya Rai or a Madhuri Dixit. I feel my daughters are Madhuri and Aish!! Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It is upto each and everyone of us to discover beauty beneath the skin and not go for outward glanz.
    My thots.
    L, Kamla
     
  7. radhavenkatesh

    radhavenkatesh Silver IL'ite

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    Re: does the colour of the skin really matter?

    Advantages of having dark skin
    1. Gold shines so bright on them neednt tell about gems
    2 all blemishes on skin dont show
    3 need not spend so much on fair and lovely
    4 facial hair is no problem
    5 all english colours suit them
    6 need not worry to move around in sun and worry abt tanning themselves
    7 Best colour as most of us are in tht colour
    8 you wil not be noticed so much and most of your life passes away cooly

    Hey colour does matter when
    if u have dark skin u need to pay more of varakatnam (dowry)
    you cant wear bright colours
    a complex is developed we try to see the mirror always
    we feel inferior when a fair person stands beside us and when tht person is our husband pain is more

    BUT IF we HAVE
    CONFIDANCE in ourslf we can win everything and every day would be pleasant only
     
  8. Lavanya

    Lavanya Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: does the colour of the skin really matter?

    On a lighter note .... this is what I tell to all the light colored (Caucasians) people who work with me in US & discriminate me knowingly or unknowingly 'coz of my skin color - "just because you are pigmentally challenged doesn't mean that you are mentally challenged too?? or are you????" :tongue

    Kamala as you've aptly said beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm also reminded of the saying "Kakkaiku thann kunju ponn kunju" - if not the parents then who else can be more proud of the li'l prince/princesses that liven up this world & make it more bearable & worth living for!!!
    -L.
     
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  9. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    Re: does the colour of the skin really matter?

    hi Radhika,
    really itz bad. how stupid ur friends relatives r,that 2 her parents:evil:
    mine is fair complexion, for my marriage i got 2 alliances 1 is fair complexion & the other is brown, my parents gave me option whether u want to marry fair or brown,both r equally talented & nice family,my uncle teased me if i marry brown fellow,then my friends & realtives will tease like this something he told,but i told firmly to my parents & uncle that colour is not going to take care of me,only the person,so i married brown fellow,my sweet hubby,very nice guy. really iam happy now:),itz not in the colour itz in the persons behaviour.:2thumbsup:
     
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  10. leelal

    leelal Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: does the colour of the skin really matter?

    Hi,

    Recently there was a debate in Vijay TV on the skin colour comparisons.

    U know "White" Colour has finally won for the reason that people with white/fair skin look attractive, impressive and high self confidence.!!

    I am a wheatish brown skin lady, I do support the final call. Every where in India (Schools, colleges for drama/dance selection/competitions, Office for job interviews, Marriage alliances), there is a clear evidence of Medium to wheatish skins enjoy the benefits from society. Racism doesn't exist only in Foreign countries, but in India too to a very high extent.

    Unfortunately, Man can create everything except the look and appearance of his own. Look and Appearance has been designed by the Great Designer God!!
    Hope as Human beings, we will have to understand this truth and react to situations.
     
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