Does relying on others means......

Sri,

Well u havve confused me as well.

See many ladies re not good at investments, and so rely o their husbands.I dont think this means we re controlling them are we ? Sometimes a person just dosnt understand these things and he or she is not interested too !Each person has their own strengths, just as ladies are winderful with household things, the decoration, cooking, and other things.The men have their own strengths.

So we tap each other's resources to make the most of life.Same way as u need both man and woman to make a baby, one just coant do it.

I hope i havnt confused you.tskRegrds.kamal

 

dear srini,
wonderful kozhappam u have created for all, yes when people act as depending they do control us indirectly to do their things like even running a home without even shelling a penny, now this is indirect control and when we woman ask our husband to run errands for us like instead of doing our self or making other avenues to get it home then defenitely u control but this is a inter dependant stuff, and there are many controls like with love with authority, with expectations after all ur my child why cant you do kind..sunkan

 

Wow. This really made me think hard and long! I learnt a lot reading all the rich responses from everyone. Excellent insights.

I agree with the view that asking for help and being dependent does not necessarily mean that you are trying to exercise control over that person. In my opinion mutual give and take does not really fall under controlling someone.

Kamalji, you are correct as husband and wife we tap into each other’s strengths to get things done and to be done well.

Sunkan, absolutely agree with you about the other forms of controlling – love, authority, closeness, relationships. Each of them have some element of control in it. It depends on us how far we want to stretch it.

There is yet another form of control which is not very obvious. It is “giving someone freedom”. When you free someone from something and make them feel that your life is running fine (and may be even better!) without their involvement then they feel like being “desired” and “wanted” by you. This gives you some sort of control over them because they want to be part of your “circle”. Of course this is a very tricky type of control and something that must be used very carefully, lest it may backfire on us! J For example, if we let husband’s “free” from the household chores then it is surely going to backfire on us because they will be more than happy to let go of it.

I think this form of control works more on the emotional front ..

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread.

SS