Does Big House Get More Happiness.

being hungry for materialistic pleasure isn't wrong. big home , luxurious vacation can bring happiness to people. I would any day live in a big home with yoga room, pooja room , reading room and what not. Materialistic pleasure keeps me motivated to work harder. The problem is in your case even after working hard you are denied the pleasure while your extended family seem to enjoy those pleasures. You need reward for working hard. Make a choice and find a middle ground with husband. Keep talking and talking till he hears you , till he understands what makes you happy. There is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting something big in our life as long as we work hard and not snatch money from others. Think financially how much you need. Work with husband . If he can sponsor his sister's he can very well sponsor yours too. Be positive. Start stashing the cash away from him. Make it unavailable. Keep communicating till he gets on board. Don't give up. Have realistic financial goals and dreams and keep working towards it.

 

Big house does make you happy and proud of your achievement. For majority of the people, owing a big & comfortable house is a life time dream. Especially for woman, it is also a proud thing to have a big house and organize it with nice furniture.
Have you see home tours of celebrities in youtube channels... ?

Personally speaking, I always wanted a big house, and having one really makes me satisfied with lots of happiness & proud moments in life.

Having said that, your problem is not actually about the size of your house. It is about the unfair treatment within the family.

In a marriage, both H & W should contribute equally, share equal responsibilities and benefit equally from the family nest.
It is unfair if one person contributes 90% and the other just 10%, and then shares the decision making power equally.
Likewise, it is also unfair if both contributes 50%-50% but just one person has the decision making power.

I do not know how you contribute to the family, and how well you share the responsibilities? But it is evident from your post that the decision making power solely lies on your husband. Be it deciding on buying a new house or giving loan to others. He just decided for the family. This is not fair. And you are right, it hurts.

Regardless of the size of your house you would continue to feel hurt and feel unhappy if he continous this unfair treatment

In addition to this, you have in laws who keep mocking you, and belittling you with comparison. It is a sure thing to stay unhappy regardless of the size of your house.


If you bring an equal amount to the table, make sure you have the right to make decisions. If not, start separating your funds, and decide how best you can live for the rest of your life

 

I feel for you. Because I know how much it hurts
I've been there, done that... and now, I am out of that zone

If I were you, I would decline the invitation and find other reasons to convey the message.
But, I will tell my husband the actual reason, the hurt & unhappiness because he should know all this.
He should be punished for not involving you in the decision making, not considering your thoughts & wishes as priority and beyond everything for not respecting you as an equal partner in this marriage.
Going to the housewarming function all by himself itself a punishment, because he would be forced to answer many questions from his folks for your absence. It will challenge his masculinity, and power in this relationship.
He will surely get hurt, angry and of course create disharmony in the family.

But, don't feel guilt for that. Because it was him who caused this unpleasantness at the first place by not respecting you when it comes to decisions be it declining your wishes of a new house, as well as sharing funds with his SIL behind your back.
And you simply reacted to this.

He can't expect you to be hurt all your life, and bear with his unfair treatment without any reactions. It never happens.

Keep resisting whenever he comes up with such unfair decisions. For men, especially in their middle age it is impossible to be disconnected from their wives & kids. They will soon repent for it and come back.

 

Stash away your hard earned money in a big house of your choice so that it is not available to your husband to give it off to his relatives. You are earning and know his attitude. This is happening for a long time. Big house is not about happiness but it is an investment or asset in whatever way you need to put it. Does house brings happiness maybe or may not be? But money in the form investment especially immobile ones brings relief and peace of mind as we know it is not transferable. Change yourself and take the initiative. Money not in hand cannot be thrown away to relatives. If you had a huge loan your husband wouldn’t be in a position to give away money. Big house means big loans and less to spend. That’s an investment you can do. Happiness will be there when you realise that.

 

As the definition of happiness varies from person to person, we cant generalise if it bring happiness. Whats the point in having multi million dollar house and unhappy family life?( i know in person these situations). Some people think even if their life is a war zone, materialistic things can bring happiness. A hut can be made heaven on earth in terms of happiness if people living there can make one. Most of the time its for showing off or due to social pressure and comparisons. You need to figure out why you feel this way. Is it for luxuary or if your house is not enough to satisfy your comfort zone or for your needs. If its the second one you have every right to go for it. Its all about perception.

Are you happy if you stay away from show off people,if so find ways to not interact with them.
Obviously, you like to have a good house. You have every right to live your life the way you prefer, but your h is controlling every thing.
Next time when he go for silent treatment, you can consider changing your salary account or its contribution per month. If he cannot understand you or support you to lead a happy life, there is no true love. Every thing is conditional. If he say you are materialistic, agree with him. say you can think what you imagine, but what about his family.

Another way, check your 401k as you are living in USA . You can start supplementary and add max $19,500 to 401k, start roth IRA, if you dont have any you can add max $6000 per year. In addition to that start 529 for kids or savings, so the money going to joint account will reduce.
Its not about luxury, you need a decent house that match with your comfortzone. If your h ask, tell him, you are going to save and buy house for you. If he want to be part of it be it.

You need to remove your 'sacrifice mode'. Or chasing him when he is giving you silent treatment. You need to be firm, especially when you are bringing equal amount to the table.He knows you yield and sacrifice.

It's not money, or house, its the unfair controlling and dominating treatment of your h that hurt you the most. If you give the same amount( he has given to SIL)to your parents or siblings to buy a luxuary home will he agree? Ask him. Yes or no, to this question can give an idea to you.
Housing prices are going up, so think seriously about buying a house you can afford. Check with bank based on your salary. Its a great investment too. Whats the point in saving everything for others but not living your life.

 

No! Honestly where there is big to show off there are many sorrows behind and hiding them. They will always be sad and want to give sadness to others. They will not be happy or will let others be happy! Sadist people! I will suggest u stay away from such ruthless people. They are not worth it! Horrible