Do you really believe that widows and divorce can cast evil eye??

Let us keep to the topic of evil eye.

the rituals, the customs pertaining to widowhood in the earlier days almost are so close to being inhumane that opening that is like opening a pandora box. the restrictions on food, the restriction on dressing, the restriction of being confined to a room, not even allowed to cast their shadow (seriously even the shadow was considered inauspicious), thanks to raja ram mohan roy for working against sati. I always wonder, these ladies were restricted from having food that they considered aphrosodiac, but gave them lavishly to the men folk (and in many cases it was the men in the family living under the same roof, who abused these ladies..), shows that the rules were laid by some men ...

that said, many other countries also had stringent and difficult rules for widows..i have heard versions from sudanese, ugandan ladies about the age old inhumanely customs..

but raising above it, and giving them the strenght, the encouragemnet is what is needed. and i am all for it, and have a few very happily remarried people in my circle and also very strong women who are growing stronger,proving, losing their life partner does not mean losing the right to live or enjoy living.

 

Shanvy: I think encouraging or at least supporting any idea of widows to remarry and hence have a life of their own would be very helpful. But then the kids might worry they would lose their inheritance.....a vicious negative spiral.....

 

I read your story with avid interest. I am a man with a science back round, I have a logical mind. I ask many questions to myself and try to find out answers. Sometimes , my answers are so uncommon for many, that people call me mad or devoid of any sense.

Let me tell you very frankly, I don't believe in "casting evil eye" . But, I feel a jealous person can do lot of nasty things. You wiill see, many mothers put black bindi on the forehead of the their little children, as a guard against evil eyes, particularly from those women , who could not have biological children of their own. Jealousy in them can neither absolutey or necessarily be taken for granted not it is an impossibility. But, jealousy cannot be termed as effect of evil eyes. If you buy a new car, you hang an old shoe on the front and display a board, saying ................."Buri nazarwale, tera mooh kala" . Lorries and buses have lemons and chilies suspended from threads in the driver's chambers. Similarly your mangalsutra may attract the jealousy of a widow or a divorcee. As a Hindu lady, you have other signs of marriage on your person like vermillion, bangles etc. How can you hide those? If you don't wear, it is fine. You may not attract any "buri nazarwali's" attention. But, if you pay too much attention to it, you may become mad or too panicky.

I don't believe, all divorcee ladies are jealous and are ready to harm any other married lady. But, certainly some of such ladies are jealous. You and your husband need to be on gurad angaint such people. Butdon't get obsessed with it. Same is true for widows.

Live your normal life please.

 

all about jealousy and evil eyes.... I had this friend who was about to get married in 3-4 months. She had shoulder length hair and she planned to grow her hair in that duration so that it would suit the wedding occasion. After two months or so, the growth was quite evident and I told her the same, to which she reacted, with a nasty face, "oh god.. nazar lag gaya"... See, though my intentions were crystal clear and was only a praise, she took it in a wrong way. It was her mindset which thought about evil eye thing and she thinks others do it too. Now, when no one has cast an evil eye here... so, where did it all come from?

 

Men's world, men's rules!
For centuries, men have ruled and oppressed women. Women should do this, should not sit in front of elders, cover their face, wear or not wear certain things……none of these rules were for men. Same goes with showing the “suhagan” status. Getting married makes one suhagan (auspicious) and not marrying/ having lost the privilege makes them not auspicious. For ages, women followed whatever they were told. Mostly because they were not raised to be a person worth achieving something, equal to men; they were raised to be good wives and daughters-in-law (future suhagans, praya dhan) who were assumed to give in husband and his family’s’ wishes.
Getting married and giving birth to children (preferably male) was the highest achievement for women. And to show that they have achieved it all, men (or who knows may be a woman) made rules to show off that achievement/ happiness in form of vermilion powder, bangles, mangalsutra, toerings etc etc. So, anyone who didn’t achieve this highest goal in life was looked down and was not supposed to wear these fineries. A divorcee (oh, what a shame, she couldn’t keep her husband happy, must be penalized for that), a widow (how inauspicious, person who she was supposed to live for is no more so her life is worthless), a childless (barren, can’t produce off springs); all outcastes. The “inauspicious” woman was to be kept away from anything auspicious for the fear of losing the good fortune and I assume that’s where the “evil-eye” or “bad omen” came into existence. When we don’t know the real reason for something, we make something up and in most cases the unknown leads to fear. For instance, when people didn’t understand eclipse (solar or lunar), it was believed to cause harm (see fear of unknown), now we know the scientific reason and there is nothing scary about an eclipse (however people still fast during eclipse which is something beyond my comprehension). If an eclipse can cause harm, why can’t an unfortunate woman cast an evil eye?
In 21[SUP]st[/SUP] century, we women still follow these rituals without questioning. We are proud to call it a part of our “culture” instead of challenging or questioning it. We call ourselves educated women but are we really using our education to think critically and make rational decisions? In my opinion, higher education is not to get a degree that would help find a well-paying job, it is to provide a tool for making educated decisions based on the facts, challenge the practices that have no meaning, questioning if something is not based on facts/ scientifically proven, to evolve. In nutshell, education is to develop “prepared minds”.
IMHO, there is nothing romantic about customs that discriminate against women based on their marital status and these shouldn’t be rationalized. Women need to be self-reliant, assertive and confident who are capable of deciding for themselves, instead of blindly following what they are told. Questioning something is not disrespecting someone, it shows curiosity and a curious mind can bring change.

 

I also face this situation, I was a divorcee when we were looking for girl for my brother. My Brother & father went to see the girl with all my relatives. First day only the girls family that after marriage I have stay alone. My Family also accepted it, my father view is what's wrong I am there to support let them be in separate house near ours. My brother was telling the same. I felt very bad.
Then, I told them why you stay with me now, you leave right away I know how to lead my life, I was supporting them in everyday cooking even after marriage, as my mom passed away before my marriage. I used to come to my MOM place in the morning and prepare them food. Then my uncle also spoke I believe, then they spoke to girl side, but finally it did not work out. This is how our society is.

 

Widows are victims of circumstances.

 

Oh no sdiva, when God took that special man from the lives of these women, HE granted them the special power to ruin others good luck . I am so stupid, I could have used my opportunity. Oh wait, do I still have the magic powers? May be, I should try.

 

Lazy men and their rules...

If only they have the strong wish to protect their women, they would have it done using all their powers and masculinity ...instead they chose the easy way out..they have set rules for women(mangalsutra, sindoor, pallu on the head, etc) so that evil won't lay their eyes on their women(evil here is again those men who see women as a *** symbol) and hence half of their problems are solved..
When they leave..then also they chose the lazy route and imposed rules on women and they gave themselves option to marry again(if divorced and not dead).