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Do You Pay For Your Parents Tickets To Visit You?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by delmed, Mar 28, 2021.

  1. delmed

    delmed Junior IL'ite

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    Hello friends,
    Need you opinion ASAP on how I can deal with this situation.
    My husband after several years of marriage and paying for our parents to visit us till now (his mother twice, and my mother 3 times), suddenly wants my mother to pay for her own flight tickets to come visit us in USA. When my mother visits in the kids holidays, we save several dollars in childcare costs. His reasoning is that as she is well off and can afford to travel frequently for leisure, she very well can pay for her travel to visit us too. His own parents are now old and incapable of visiting us anymore, and his logic is that they are not so well off and don't travel for leisure either, that's why we would continue to pay for their travel if they did come. By my principles I feel it wrong to ask my mother to buy for her own ticket, when she is retired, not earning, and using her precious savings to do some leisure travel (her only interest) at this age, whereas we earn so much more and can easily pay for her trips.
    I told him, the only way I would feel comfortable asking her to pay for her trip would be, if we also pay her for babysitting the children. To which he replies, then he will treat her as a babysitter, "you wait and see how I treat her".
    I am not sure how to handle this situation.
    Also, wanted to know from you all, whether girls pay for their parents flights when they visit them, or or parents pay for their own travel? Does the same rules apply in your home for the boys parents, or would it be different for them?

    Keenly looking forward to hear your opinion.
     
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  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    In covid travel times seniorcitizens are offered upto 50% discount almost in all modes of travel including by ship provided they carry the certificate in original evidencing person is vaccinated . If Both husband and spouse are earning share the costs of parents travel irrespective of there visit is leisure or on a purpose. When the parents arrive afterall there service to your family that includes kids. Action plan viewed with end output inview.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  3. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP,
    If your mom is travelling to the US to help you guys you need to take care of all her expenses. If she is travelling to spend time with grandchildren on her own will, then your husband's logic is partially right. Depending on your financial situation you decide. If you are earning and have enough savings, do not bother about what he says. Pay for your mom, like you said child care cost wud compensate the travel cost. Otherwise, it is wise to listen to him.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Your husband’s attitude is not correct, IMO. Any idea what is behind his reasoning? Are your in-laws saying something now that they don’t visit and feel your mother is still able to?
    In our case both my parents and MIL pay for their own travels. We offer to but they insist on paying their own way. We cover all their expenses while they are with us. My MIL stays only with us while visiting and does not like to go out much while she is here. My parents like to visit their many friends and relatives scattered all over the US and we cover their costs. These days we also set up rideshare accounts so they can travel in their own in our city while we are at work.
    Unless you are in difficult financial circumstances or your parents have unreasonable demands I feel it is very cheap to nickel and dime parents like this. It is still easier to pay in dollars especially for working people in US, compared to the rupee equivalent for a retired person in India unless one is from a wealthy background.
    Think of how much they spent to raise and educate you. Did they present you with a bill for all this?
     
    Meghaa, Flyhigher, Vaikuntha and 7 others like this.
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I think your approach is correct.
    Your mom is staying here for two months let’s say..and she takes care of kids and that’s saving a lot of money more than the tickets!

    Maybe you can try to book tickets way in advance for cheaper deals?

    or if you have your saving..you can spend on your mom..

    I think it won’t look good if u ask your mom to pay from now on..you are right here if I think about it.

    let’s see what other ILs feel about it.
     
    Flyhigher, sandhya2020 and MalStrom like this.
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't call your mother.Don't let him insult your mom .She deserves better.
    Pay for day care and babysitting or let him get his parents for the babysitting.
     
    Meghaa, Roar, peddadas and 13 others like this.
  7. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    If this happened in my house, who pays for the tickets would become a much secondary matter. Even in the heat of an argument about money, this is not acceptable. Not the babysitter part, but the "you wait and see how I treat her" threat.

    For the record, people treat babysitters with the utmost respect and consideration as they are entrusting their child's care to that person. And, it shows his thinking that babysitters or similar lesser paying job people deserve to be treated any differently.

    ====
    If my mother or MIL or any aunt was retired and using her savings for leisure travel, I would do my best to match the money she spends on travel. I would do all in my power so she travels more .. and more .. and more. Something about a retired mom not tying herself down to just her adult children and grandchildren is so liberating and inspiring. I would buy her travel packages of her choice to places of her choice.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2021
    Meghaa, Flyhigher, Vaikuntha and 11 others like this.
  8. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    What dies he mean?.you can't illtreat a babysitter here.
    Cancel your mother's trip for this year.
    Let him pay for babysitters and manage the kids
     
  9. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Silver IL'ite

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    "You wait and see how I treat her"... Wow, your husband really ssid that... I think your mother better stay in her own home than travel. Let the husband pay for the baby sitters!
     
  10. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Since you asked for how you want to resolve this is what I would do . Transfer certain amount of money to mom’s account directly for travel shopping . Include the ticket cost in that . Now you know your husband find ways to send money to mom like FD in your name where interest can be transferred to her . You don’t have to justify to husband about spending money for basic needs for your parents . In this Covid if she is willing to travel your husband should take that as a blessing . You shouldn’t have argued about paying her as baby sitter . I think one year you should allow your husband to spend money for summer camp then that will make him understand value of your mom’s visit .
     
    Meghaa, Vaikuntha, chanchitra and 2 others like this.

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