1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Do you have a special needs child??

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Shanvy, Jan 27, 2008.

  1. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,159
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    hi all,

    Recently a relative of a relative, came home. the lady came along with her son. The son is 6 years and is autistic. the parents and relatives have a stigma and don't want to accept that he is autistic, and needs special attention.

    To be honest, I was really wondering how the parents were managing the boy. he was so hyperactive, running around, climbing stairs, (I had bile in my throat in fear of him hurting himself..) and the worst part was he cannot talk.
    Both the parents are now so traumatised emotionally,physically...If only they open out..and talk lot of problems could be sorted...

    So any body having special needs child,please forget the stigma, talk about your child, your fears, how you are dealing with them so that others can be a sounding board for you and help you..and in the process you can learn more...

    I hope I am not treading or hurting any sensitive parent here....it is only that my heart goes out for those parents and children....

    I know one person who has really benefitted by coming out and talking about her child.
     
    3 people like this.
    Loading...

  2. padmavathi m

    padmavathi m Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    603
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    50
    Gender:
    Female
    dear shanti,

    i should step into this thread and say a few words about you shanti


    i joined IL to find a solution for my dyslexic daughter. but IL has become a part of my routine.


    you, varloo, and others were such a moral support for me during oct'2007 when krithi was really struggling in her academics.


    i got sankalp's no. from you and i went to that school for dd's admission , to my surprise she was admitted as a special case though already the 3rd term started.

    even now commuting has become so tedious, but no problem when i think that krithi is going to become big one day this is nothing for me


    as parents we should first have the acceptance either the mother or the father.


    as shanti says, please friends if you find your child really struggling in academics, discuss with someone so that you can make your child's future better.

    vazhga valamudan shanti and her family

    love
    padma
     
    2 people like this.
  3. manjumnair

    manjumnair Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    645
    Likes Received:
    98
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Shanthi and Padma,

    My SIL has a son who is a special case. They did not identify his problem till he was six months old. He looked very normal when he was born. But he didn't have any change even after 6 months.. He lay on his back itself..no developments...

    Then only the parents and the relatives identified that he has some problem. They went to Doctors and at last found out that the child has autism. Much to their dismay, he couldn't walk also when he became 1.5 years.

    The parents tried Modern Medicine, then started with Ayurveda in a Ayurveda hospital in Kerala and then Physiotherapy. At the age of 4 only, the child could start moving. Still he couldn't stand.

    With all the treatments, he is walking a bit now. He is above 8 years. Since his brain development is slow, he is not talking much.. so is attending a special school in Mumbai now.

    I really appreciate my SIL and her husband.. They are struggling a lot.. But still trying to look happy. They talk about their son to all the relatives, but feel bad when relatives flock in to see his development (only for that, i should say) when they go to Kerala from Mumbai...

    He is going to school and can identify objects in books and also the alphabets... But still have a long way to go... May God bless him and his parents with all the blessings and courage for the long road ahead...
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,159
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    manju,

    Thanks for sharing your sil son's story here. Each movement/development made by a kid like him is a miracle. no wonder the parents talking about it.

    I would like the society, giving them the strength and confidence to move ahead. instead,the society with its words and looks push them back into their shell in most cases.

    There is awareness. but there should be more...I always feel, with a little more effort from alll near and dear, the kid can come back to the main stream fast..

    Let us hope for a better tommorrow....
     
  5. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,124
    Likes Received:
    233
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    dear shanthi,
    i had written about this in the month of june 2007 i am reposting here to help others do what i have suggested here..Koramangala - Bangalore's Most Happening Place is a great place to leave such children, their training is also great when they are with the other children with the same problem.for some time as training..

    A MOTHER OF PERSEVERENCE:


    A close look at kumar was a revelation as to what manni goes through, the daily chore of feeding, and toilet cleaning though he looked so big, and giving a bath and then dressing him up, apart from cooking she had all these coming daily, and the weekly oil bath, sometime we used to be envious of kumar for all the attention he got from his mother, and we being normal children were sent away for many chores, but kumar could not handle anything, by the time we could understand him, he had grown way beyond.

    He was studying like any other child, which is not right by to-day’s standard but somehow thatha got him the seat,in a government school, but one day we had a large crowd in front of our house, the commotion was too big to handle with police and all, when we came to know what he had done, we had a somersault in our mind to be careful about him, he cut the back of a girl -his class mate with a blade right across and she was profusely bleeding. Some compromise by thatha with money, but still the incident put us off him, and we never used to play much.

    He had started to recognize his mom only when he was two years old, and that is a precious achievement for manni, then he could walk by the time he was five, so the slow and steady improvement they hoped some miracle might bring back the child, but nothing happened, he was very interested in films, and songs, a rythm he never missed, though he had a tough time pronouncing rrrrr sound and always landed up with missing it.

    Like he used to address my mom as saloja devi instead of the saroja devi, the famous actress, he could only recognize people’s personality in reference with the film characters, he loved M.G.R. songs a lot, as they were famous then…

    The family faced a lot of problem, they were very hesitant about visiting wedding, as someone has to be with kumar, he may run away, or his eating in public, he was carried for a very long time, that is up to his 10yrs which was a feat in itself, and his only brother excelled well in his studies and was left along with his grandparents of his mother’s side so that he would not be influenced or associated with his elder brother.

    When I think back now, what it is for a child to recognize you only after two years of aching for that, and slowly the rest of the expectation and more attention on the mother’s part as he cant do without her. Like all babies he stretched out his arm but he was a 8yr old big boy how could she carry.

    Then one day in 1977 Dec 9 kumar was dead, he was only 23 very young but still the mother though she missed him a lot had to be pacified, at least the ordeal of taking care of a special child is over.

    Now again it is so many years over and god has blessed her with a similar grandson, and now she is mentally very much prepared how to take care of him than the others in the family. Here the grandson is even more worse than her son, he could not keep his head straight until he is 4yrs lying down all the time, and his tongue is protruding and the same saliva pouring over, and the family again going through getting shunned mentally not able to attend any wedding, one member always missing in the group to take care of balaji now…but his brother is fairing very well in studies and wants to take up medicine, now coming to the point of why this happens in some home, some say it is due to genetic defects, like marrying into the family of athai pillai and mama ponnu and so on, yes manni had married her mama’s son, but her son married into another family which had similar problem, so they had another child of the same disorder. In both the cases they are very sure that some day their child will become normal, against all odds.

    Now coming to the sibling of the child he needs equal attention, and should be given good holidays, and encouragement by spending some time alone with him too, I feel there is an answer here for those of the parents who want to spend time like that, we have a home in http://www.koramangala.com/korabuz/y2k3/marchb.htm Bangalore which is a very nice place for a family to leave behind their spastic child or a child with special attention, and take the other child for a holiday, the food and room facilities are commendable, and the fear of the child getting beaten in put to rest as that is not the way the medical team takes care of them..

    Here they will not be doing something wrong but , if taken when very young the children get very good toilet training, and how to behave with other children of the same type of mental reaction to various things, the specialized doctors and psychiatrist are there to give comfort to the child, understand them better as they are handling these children more.
    Sometime even better skills are taught according to your mental level of things.

    Now coming to the second history of another child, who has studied up to his tenth and then one day all goes hell, all because his girlfriend of many years is to marry someone else because now the mother of the girl felt a better groom needed for the daughter.

    A normal child laughs with self, talks with self, not interested to interact with any, only a lot of probing by some dear ones bring out real philosophical thoughts making you wonder, is really something wrong with this child, but yes it is, and many Indian children going abroad have heard to have this syndrome, that they are unable to cope with the freedom of the foreign children and a strict atmosphere which they have to adhere in the house.
    So many ayurvedic and current therapy and massage and all but to no avail, another mother’s perseverance going on there too, they are now worried who would take care of him if something were to happen to them, though money has been left behind but who is a big question and how good is another question. Whom to trust with is another big factor.

    Hope this article would be passed on to benefit some mother somewhere, so that she takes the help of some of the homes in Bangalore, Chennai and other places…regards sunkan…..
    © sunkan., all rights reserv​
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2008
    1 person likes this.
  6. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,320
    Likes Received:
    7,222
    Trophy Points:
    545
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Shanthi,
    Thanks for starting such a useful thread...
    I too strongly agree that we have to accept the fact about the kids.
    Whatever they are, they are our kids.
    Keeping this in mind, we need to talk to others without any guilty feeling.
    If parents overcomes the guilty/inferior feeling, then they would not fear for rest of the world's comments.
    I really pity those parents.
    I pray for all those parents to get the strenght and move forward.

    ~Punitha
     
  7. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,159
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    sunkan,

    I have read this article. I really appreciate the way you have put across. it will definitely be of great help to some mother...
     
  8. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,159
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Punitha,

    Thanks for stepping in. Yes Parents acceptance of facts is the first step. whether it is a normal child or special need child.
     
  9. padmavathi m

    padmavathi m Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    603
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    50
    Gender:
    Female
    manju,

    when God almighty creates such children he gives certain things in abundance which the parents have to find it.
    your sil's son is lucky that his parents are taking steps to improve him.

    shanti,

    when i was doing my special education course i came across a mother (working in corporation) who had put her daughter in a MR school, but her assessments show that she is a dyslexic when asked why she has put her in a MR school you know what she told , " illa amma naan en ponna nalla school la pota enga church la panam thara matanga, adhu angeye kedakattum" . i was shocked and my head was reeling:spin.

    i felt very sad for that 8 year old girl and mother. but i could not do anything.
    what awareness can we create in such people ?????????????????????????? even till date i think of that little girl and that mother who is not aware what she is doing is a mistake, sin.

    padma
     
  10. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,159
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    padma,

    Forget a mother with a MR. There are parents who just convert a small disablity into a bigger one to take advantage of the quota of physically handicapped. don't want to elaborate on that...

    Where we all talk about good mothers there are some really worse ones..I wonder why did they become mother in the first place.

    Regarding the mother's attitude, yes she will get a amount if the child goes to mr. sin is all the eyes of the one who sees..not the one who does.
    The mother will say she prays to the lord..her sins will be washed....

    Oh! Padma let me stop here...let me not get carried away...
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page