Do you allow interference in your kitchen?

mimi77 · Apr 17, 2015

Most of the guests these days try to be helpful in the kitchen. But if there is too much interference it isn't really helpful. My PILs are here for about two weeks. My MIL has taken absolute control of the kitchen. She plans the menu, she serves food, she orders what is to be brought from the market. She likes to control , but makes the kitchen very dirty . Since she loves to cook , I usually do not interfere much, but it makes me feel like a guest in my own house.When SIL visits, she takes help from her, both of them chit chat in the kitchen, but makes me feel like an alien. Sometimes I feel she is helpful, but sometimes I don't really like it. Do you usually give full control to your MIL or do you set boundaries?

iamnidhi · Apr 17, 2015

Hi,

Well I don't give full control of my kitchen.Firstly I insist ma you don't worry as you have just come here take rest and enjoy. In your place you are working again. So relax.

Still she want to do something in kitchen. Then I ask her Maji what you will do ? and what I can do? Like I ask what shall I prepare chapati,rice, dal or sabzi? Then she says something ok you do sabji or rice. Then if she is in kitchen then I go to hall and do all cutting or basic preparation. And I ask her ma once you finish let me know. Then when she came out of kitchen I enter. Whenever I am in kitchen I made a habit to play a radio so even she is in kitchen it doesn't bother. Keep listening to radio songs and feel happy.
And if she says I will do all then also I ask her ma it's too much for you? It will create much pressure I can help. But if she still says no. Then go out and let her do what she wants. Just tell yourself. Just one more week and everything will be alright.

YoGirl · Apr 17, 2015

iamnidhi said: ↑

Hi,

Just tell yourself. Just one more week and everything will be alright.
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This is the silver lining..inner peace..

coolgal123 · Apr 17, 2015

Somehow it is set in my mind tht parents are the family...whether they live with you or not....its kind of like before marriage if u live in the hostel and come back home in holidays ...u r not guest...
so i gave full control to my mil...because in my mind its her house too...although it becomes irritating when she starts changing the place of things....but i ignore....its also becomes irritating when she takes full control like a house member but at the time of reponsibilty she becomes guest....
however whenever i used to goto inlawd house i was not treated as a family member but like a maid....
still i cant get out of the feeling tht parents r ur imnediate family....so my mil always can do whatever she wants in my kitchen....

AprilLisa · Apr 17, 2015

my MIL also likes to take full control of the kitchen, when they are here. may be that way she thinks she is controlling me.

I let her do whatever she wants, until she is not insulting me or treating me badly. I want her/any guest to be comfortable and welcomed in my house, but i will also not take them bossing me around/insulting me/misbehaving with me. so when she tends to do that(i ignore twice but not more), i nicely put her back in place and let her know who the kitchen belongs to subtly(like saying "give me bhal bhal" that she would not know where it is, and then say "oh i am sorry i forgot, its my kitchen only, you would not know where it is, i only kept it"). :exactly:

AprilLisa · Apr 17, 2015

coolgal123 said: ↑

but at the time of reponsibilty she becomes guest....
however whenever i used to goto inlawd house i was not treated as a family member but like a maid.....
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very true... for responsibility, its our house, for complaining, its our house and we are not keeping it up to the mark or clean(no one could see who is making it dirty).....for using it, its theirs, they will use it as they want...good strategy!! :thumbsup

mimi77 · Apr 17, 2015

When she comes our routine changes as per their convenience. My daughter takes dinner early as she has school early morning. But my MIL will serve dinner after 10 pm and never likes the idea that I serve dinner, because if I mess up her well planned family meal....she keeps inviting her guests at my place without even informing me. She will decide on everyone's food intake...she decides the menu, quantity everything. When she is here she never wants me to enter the kitchen or if I enter she will come behind me and ask what I want. It's very annoying. Why I have to be answerable in my own house? I don't want to tell her much since she is here for a few days, but I'm having a lot of problem.

Khushi78 · Apr 17, 2015

I have been thru this but thankfully dont have to entertain guests. But when I analyze this I feel that MILs who are this type I think they love their own food....My MIL too will decide the menu order from the market and prepare and serve all the 3/4 times. So I feel that such MILs have only one focus in their lives and that is making food.
Chill OP use ur time out of the kitchen for ur own self....and 2 weeks it just flies away.

sumzaya · Apr 17, 2015

when my MIL prepares super foods and super delicious, i love that interference
But acting BOSS..... Not at al! Entertained....

coolgal123 · Apr 17, 2015

mimi77 said: ↑

When she comes our routine changes as per their convenience. My daughter takes dinner early as she has school early morning. But my MIL will serve dinner after 10 pm and never likes the idea that I serve dinner, because if I mess up her well planned family meal....she keeps inviting her guests at my place without even informing me. She will decide on everyone's food intake...she decides the menu, quantity everything. When she is here she never wants me to enter the kitchen or if I enter she will come behind me and ask what I want. It's very annoying. Why I have to be answerable in my own house? I don't want to tell her much since she is here for a few days, but I'm having a lot of problem.
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Let her take the control of kitchen...not of u or ur life...if ur daughter eats early then serve her...if ur mil dislikes it let her dislike...
you made me remember my initial years...when i had been an early diner but gave up the habit as my in laws never eat before 10 pm....then when i was pregnant after coming from office i used to be very hungry so even if i went into kitchen to eat something....she used to come running and used to ask very rudely kyon?kya chahiye? I used to hate it...i used to eat leftovers at 10.30 pm ....while i had lunch at 1 pm....after tht i ended up having small baby and some complications due to malnutrition....that gave me some senses and i took control of my life...
You do what you want to do at the same time i do what i want to do....if she cooks less you cook some more....if she cooks something which u dont like u cook something of ur choice...let her dislike or fume...u r not doing anything wrong....y to worry abt ur mil reaction