Do Women Exist Only For Their Family And Kids

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by gamma50g, Mar 17, 2024.

  1. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    We may be having a great career professionally. However, the truth of the matter is that we always put the needs of our kids and our families before us. So much so that some of us have to give up things we would like to do so that our kids can do what they like in case of clashes.

    My question is simple yet runs deep - do we exist only for our kids and families? What about us? We can talk about self care and taking time out. But reality is very different.

    My perspective of life is that when we were kids, other kids would shout out our names from the outside to call us to play after school. We would go play everyday in the evenings. If we had classes, we would walk to them with friends. In the US, because there is no concept of open play after school, what do kids do after 3 pm? With this in mind, comes the classes to keep the kids engaged till later in the evening.

    It's the same mechanical routine every day - school, classes, bed rinse and repeat. Weekends are classes, classes, bed rinse and repeat.

    Personally, I feel like I lost "me" somewhere down the line in these years. I have no idea what I like. I dont have any hobby. The only way I know to unwind is zone out in front of the TV.

    After reading the Gita, I feel such a life is such an aimless, purposeless life. What's the point of living a dismal life like this? How do we end up richer in thoughts, actions and spiritual quotient with such a mechanical life?
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Honestly..hobbies are very important.You need to figure out what you love.It could be a simple thing like taking a walk outside for an hour.Everyday you need to look forward to.

    Anyways living mindfully each minute is best way to live life.

    Life is a game..no winning or losing.Just enjoy the day.

    if u ask me..you are very lucky to even think in these terms wherein there are people trying to make their ends meet every single day.To be a in a position to think about life and what more itself is a blessing which I realized.

    A good movie with good food
    Soaking in a bathtub
    Listening to music
    Dancing
    Zillion things to do in life and …


    Just enjoy the moment and enjoy whatever u do..even folding laundary!!

    Accept and love every aspect of your life and do not think “so and so things and situations are only happiness”..

    I also stopped succumbing to peer pressure and trying to live life my terms.

    I work on and off whenever I like ..have no ego in any job as long as it is decent else also am honestly happy at home.I never liked socializing a lot to be honest.I pray god,sleep,eat well,dance,keep a clean home,workout and keep busy.

    society confuses people to succum to its standards else one feels or forced to feel guilt.Remember..to prove what we r doing is right..many put down others way of life to feel better about themselves.Happy people don’t do this.

    why am saying all this is..

    Accepting your life as it is and enjoy your game in life. Put love and passion in everything u do without judgement.

    Do one thing..

    Today take a break and just watch something you like and order food out.

    Guarenteed a good sleep..which is a blessing and that’s a good life.

    I am not sure if I articulated well but my point is loving ourselves life with our situations and its moments without comparison,practicing gratitude and no judgement of our lives to fit in will bring in peace.

    I am far from perfect but practicing the above and seeing gratit these days.

    My only aim in life is to be happy:)


    Hope I helped in some way.
     
  3. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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    Good question.

    Since you are thinking about the existence of a woman with respect to the needs of the family and kids, we have to ask the next question.

    Why do men exist. If a man is not earning a paycheck, what is the purpose of his existence for the family and the kids.
     
  4. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    @anika987 yes, I am fortunate enough to think about this.
    @Thoughtful Just as my question - do we, women exist solely for our family and kids? Similarly do men only exist to provide for their families?
     
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  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Speaking for myself and my spouse, no we don’t exist solely for our child and family. We became parents at a significantly older age than many of our peers, so we had time to develop ourselves fully as individuals and establish our marriage before the demands of a child took over. We make sure to prioritize individual time and our own pursuits. We are not as free as we used to be but we also don’t feel deprived. We both have fulfilling hobbies that help take the tedium off the day to day.
    The India of our own childhoods also seems long gone. I see kids now going from school to tuitions all the time with little breaks. And parents feel pressured to enroll them in activities to keep up with their classmates.
    I do outsource as much as I can to free up time and we have relaxed our standards for cleaning and elaborate meals. As long as the house is passable and everyone is clothed and fed it counts as a win. I have realized that there is no pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow. You just have to make the best of each day as it comes.
     
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  6. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    That's amazing @MalStrom . Major goals :thumbup:
     
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  7. Anisu

    Anisu Platinum IL'ite

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    Not necessarily. This would be true when kids are too young and need us all the time. As they grow older, we should definitely start finding time for our hobbies and interest . You can plan things and if it clashing with kids classes, you should not hesitate to find alternatives so you can balance both your activity and kids classes.
    My Answer is no. As long as kids are in 3 and 4th grade, they need more support from us(in some cases, there could be exceptions though) . After that in most cases, they will be able to manage by themselves atleast for couple hours. Take that first step towards self care and your personal time. As Malstorm mentioned, we should start having relaxing standards for cleaning and elaborate meals, snacks. This helps.
    I have personally made time for my exercise, reading and going out with friends. Earlier, spending time with friends and reading was impossible for me.
     
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  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    Such a nice thread, i wonder what would be the views of my philosopher friend @Viswamitra & other fellow senior and super senior women in IL.
    MANY WOMEN CURSE THEIR ROUTINE monotonous life. But there are women who are packing many more things to accomplish though they too run family oversee in office and do things of public acclaim.
     
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  9. maalti

    maalti Gold IL'ite

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    It is true that we spend time for our kids and families Sometimes, we feel frustrated and self pity ourselves. However, this status is not permanent After children grow up and take care of themselves as @Anisu rightly stated, you will find a lot of time at your disposal. If you like music, you can spend some time listening to good music, which will calm down your mind. You can take up some voluntary services during week ends which will divert your mind. Or go to a beauty parlor and have a nice make over or change your hair style. You can enjoy nature whenever you can. the chirping small birds in your back yard You can keep a bird feed also. Seeing different kinds of birds will definitely bring joy. Observe the sunlight falling in different shapes and sizes in the shadows of trees, watching rain falling down is also really enjoyable. We women are blessed with plenty of energy and enthusiasm and we can definit
     
  10. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear @gamma50g ,

    I briefly glanced through your thread on Gita as well and couldn't respond there, but here I am. The key in life (I think) is to enjoy the phase we are in. Don't we hear that repeatedly in Gita - do your duty and simply accept what is! The truth is "this too (phase) shall pass, and the best is yet to come." Having a routine for yourself that goes hand in hand with your kids' routine will go a long way. Back when mine were younger, we had a fabulous group right here in IL where we used to discuss quite a bit. Anyway, I can suggest a couple of things that have worked for me. Thanks to my DH, I got into a habit of working out before he headed to work and the only class available in the gym close by was at 5.30 am. Fast forward, working out at 5.30 is still my routine. That also gave me room to finish cooking and cleaning for the day by 8 am. It still continues to be a routine. I have always maintained that 5 to 7 is my time to do what I want and, after that time, to do what the world wants of me - be it work, cooking, kids, spouse, friends, TV, whatnot! Recently, I found my old zentangle book (from 10 years ago), and I realized that I used to doodle in that while sitting and waiting for my DD to finish her half-hour swim lesson! At that time, when kids were younger, I also got a couple of certifications (unrelated to work), like a yoga teaching certificate, some Sanskrit classes, and some art classes. I have been offering yoga classes once a week since then. Over time, I have also signed up for a couple of Shloka learning classes, studied Gita regularly with yoga teachers, and did other things. These interests have been changing with age but have kept me on my toes, allowing me to feel I am taking care of my needs and family was/is not involved. They respect this time of mine now as they plan vacations and things.

    I feel horrible saying this but I will - a lot of my friends feel restless but are unwilling to form new habits and stay with them. It takes effort and a belief that you are working to improve your being. Our surroundings and even what we do for others will not help us feel better about ourselves, all the time. We simply have to find ways and stick with them, and when that doesn't work, we should be willing to change and start over again. That is the long and short of it.

    Recently, I was watching a comedy/poetry strip(?) that came as fwd by one shefali shah, and one of the lines is, 'what padmashri am I expecting for cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my family's needs?' Instead of feeling, "Do women exist only for family and kids?" look at it as a wonderful opportunity. So what if you exist for family and kids? Embrace it. Look at the difference you are making. It is like elementary school teachers - no child remembers them, not even understand the difference these teachers make, and study after study shows that KG teachers have a huge impact on a child. If you don't do what you are doing (best for your family), you will not be happy either. The key is to continue to work on finding yourself, going "neti, neti".

    A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such a speed, it feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now. But the sky knows the reason and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons. - Richard Bach


    Best wishes on your journey!
     

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