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Do we need a bill to take care of our parents ??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shanvy, Mar 26, 2007.

  1. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    During the weekend at a party we had been discussing about various things. One of them was old age homes and parents.
    Then we discussed about the pros and cons of the SENIOR CITIZEN ( PROTECTION,MAINTENANCE AND WELFARE) BILL, which has been introduced/discussed in the rajya sabha last year.

    My points/question:

    1. Why don't we want to have our parents/parent in laws with us....
    2. Will fines/prisonment really change the scenario.....
    3. Will it not be forced on the children who dont want to take care of parents. will there be real love/affection... more worser than before...

    your views.....

    love
    shanthi..
     
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  2. radhavenkatesh

    radhavenkatesh Bronze IL'ite

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    dear shanvy
    recently i was watching a tv show on old age homes i was feeling v low and down also and had so many questions that crossed my mind many feeling which i kept to myself today after seeing your question i feel i have a let out for few of them here
    Is there a bill that parents should take care of children? i dont knw if one such exists but almost 99% of parents do take care and best of their capacity try to provide what ever they want to their kids
    BUT
    as they say water flows from higher level to lower love of parents flows but in kids it dosent SO there should defiently be some rules which make it compulsory for all the children to take care of their parents
    one father can share his earning to 4 sons but 4 sons earning cannot share with their father ? reason they want everythign equal :)) even in escapism
    let it be girls or boys whoever are your offsprings when a parent takes care of his/her children they should do the same when required
    they need love and support in their old age when they cannot work and are retired and there is no energy left in them after struggling all their lives for kids so definetly i strongly feel equal responsibilty should be shouldered by all the kids also
    i see many ration cards where
    if there is a family sons /daughters names are included in the parents card but in sons card fathers/mothers name isnt included a very common day to day example which most of indian middle class familes observe is this
    When a girl is married off either her husband or inlaws feel she has no responsibilty towards her parents v unfortunate but still there lies an responsibility towards both her inlaws and her parents
    dont knw when this scenario in our present world will change
     
  3. Eljaype

    Eljaype Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Shanvy,

    You raised a valid question. Sorry I didn't see this before or I would have answered then itself.
    We had a similar query at ammas.com recently. One Mr.Mathew Cherian, CEO of the Helpage India had asked about the children migrating to faraway lands after they grow up and the parents who are left alone here in India. You can go to the link to see all the answers to his query the link is
    http://www.ammas.com/Immigration/a127844.html

    It is always there. Children finish their studies at their parents ' expense and hard work. Then find a job or go for higher studies to the foreign lands. Once they see development there they forget everything including their parents here.
    They think if they sent some money to their old parents it is enough. The parents also human beings. They also need love and care and looking after in their old age. Why don't the children think of that?
    I have written about the lady in my neighbourhood. Their children are here only, nearby. Her husband passed away longback. She toiled to look after her seven children and brought them up singlehandedly on her husbands pension and some savings with the help of the eldest son.
    He too passed away soon and the lady stood alone with her remaining children . Now all of them are grown up, have kids of their own but they are not willing to look after the old lady. She lives alone in a small house nearby. the shrubs are overgrown, the scare of snake always there. She can't see properly also. What will happen to her?
    The children don't even come to visit her . She goes to one of her daughters home stays for 2 -3 days and come back. But the son is an advocate and doesn't look after her!!!
    What a family ?? I feel very bad when I see her. We all of us help her whenever we can. The children are telling us to look after the lady. " Enga amma thaniya irukkaanga, onnu parthukkonga, neenga ellam pakkathhule thaane irukeenga' When I hear this I get enraged but don't know what to tell them.
    I have known this family from my childhood. There are many old ladies like this.

    When our motto is 'one child one family', what happens if that child is a girl Radha ? Should the parents live a lonely life all the life?e are the mothers and mother in laws , sister in laws etc. It is only we women who are against women.
    Why can't girls look after their parents.
    Old traditions were there when there were lots of children in a family. Now we have to do somethings to set these things right.
    This has been a long post I think I bored you all with this.
    I feel very bad at this situation which we ourselves created.
    Love
    Latha :wave
     
  4. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    dear shanvy,
    i can tell u from my experience that a woman does need no bill to take care of her mother, but it is the man in her life who wants all the attention and feels insecure in the mother's presence, how will u change that, no amount of bill can change, though as a mother we know we r not going to be cause for a break in the marriage but still this fear to share a person as a woman [wife] is very tough,and to look at the hapless child who is unable to choose between the two ends up, a easy way out, requesting the mother to stay with some one...so the integral system of hinduism cannot be changed, though as parents we have changed the future of the girls to a educated and independant and self reliant one, still where relationship is concerned it is tough to make a compromise....i also remember a friend who is the only daughter came with her aged mother so i could take care of her, but i was neither in the position then to help her out, financially may be a little, but to take up the entire responsibility u need a good back up....i know how i felt so pathetic then, even today the girl still suffers though married life, sometime poverty is running behind u with a bag full of problems....it is not the bill i meant but the attitude that has to change which is very tough, no bill can help u to bring the family together..regards sunkan
     
  5. sathya

    sathya Gold IL'ite

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    hello

    a bill cant do
    what we can do
    surely girls feel more
    and if..
    the society is not patriachal
    and if girls were to live
    with her own parents
    (in kerala there are communities matriachal)
    perhaps it will work...
    and yet not all sons and daughters in law are bad
    i loved my mother in law just like my mom
    the answer to the problem
    lies in the way we think
    changed is our society
    with flowing money and ego..
    the land of ``realisation''
    we hope will soon teach a lesson
    and find a suitable solution

    sathya
     
  6. radhavenkatesh

    radhavenkatesh Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear lata
    i always wanted a baby girl bcz girls are always kind hearted when compared to men and they can influence men also they knw the p ain of mother unlike sons
    if single child norm is there and if the child also neglects the parent then its v bad but still the parents wud be prepared to some extent
    when u think u have 4 sons someone or the other will take care none wud bcz each want their share of escapism
    and above all did u see how many of our own indus friends here feel their mother in lws pain in neck ( dont frown at me ladies) its natural see when ur mother scolds u for somethign u wont mind u either brush away or just take it cool but the same isnt our line of thinking whn ur mil tries to tell u something
    reason ?
    in such conditions how many of us really think we wil take care of our parents, in lws or will allow our husbands to perform their duties ??
     
  7. vinj74

    vinj74 New IL'ite

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    This law shld not be misused by senior citizen


    Hello Shanthi,

    I m 100% agree and convinced with you.

    No one can push children for this . If they wants to do something for parents then noone can stop them but if someone will force them then it means you ar e spoiling the pious relationship.
    Like my inlaws are doing. They have made our life like hell because of this forcing habbit.And now they are blackmailing us that they will sue us in maintainance caseor put us behind the bars .
    We are not denying them to pay as well we paid them lots of money till last year.which was quiet unaffordable for us.Now last year he (fil)asked us to sell the flat which we bought for them few yrs back for there stay.But as my Mil doesnt want to stay next to us and even dont want to keep any relationship with us besides fulfilling there financial needs.(My in laws have been really cruel to us but i always forgiven them for there act from day one of our marriage)We always belived that we shld fulfill our duties and we did.Staying in hospitals when they were in hospitalised and all kind of help wtever one son shld do for there parents we did.Besides this my Mil didnt visited in hospital at the time of my childs birth and after a 2week of delivery thrown us out from there house.this is just a one instance. A 10 yrs of my life is full of these instances.
    So as my mil was not intrested in staying next to our house they insisted to sell that flat and asked us to pay them a huge amt one time seprately too.we have paid them quite a handsome amt .Then they asked for selling a flat and pay them that amt too.which was on my name.and we managed that Flat very difficultly with the help of loan.Ultimately we sold it bcoz of there continuous threats.And then they asked "show us the exact figures and everything that u have sold it or not, if you r ,then prove us that this is the right amt which you are telling"we simply denied bcoz it was our money our thing .We simply denied to take it anymore this bossyness of them.And that hurted there Ego i ,bcoz from after that day they are after our life like anything.One more thing i like to tell you that Till today they have not given us single penny not even to my child.No property,no jewels nothing.So we dt owe anything from them wtever we have my hubby hard earned money.Besides we are trying to pay there some liabilities too.
    In fact we bought very good appt for them in Ncr for them as they were not intrested in staying next to us.they simply refused staying there too.

    And now my fil is calling all frds,relatives and all my hubby empolyees too and sending threats to us that he will sue us in this law of maintainance if we will not give him Flat money and prove it thats a right amt Or we shld pay him monthly allowance+house rent+car+driver+medicalallowance.we simply cant afford it .I have 3 sil and they are also earning well infact more then us he is not asking this from them only from us.Besides above and all he doesnt require that much money bcoz he have lots of money .And we have paid him handsome amt last yr.HE is creating lots of problem for my husband in his buisness and by Hook or Crook he just want to force us for that money bcoz in a good faith we committed him for giving that amt . Now we need that flat money for ourself as he made great losses in my hubby buisness.Now he has taken this threatning thing full time job and he does this all the time.And by this emotion and greed he has stolen everything even pens and calcualtors cash and computer hard disk too from my hubbys office just for blackmailing us ,pressurising us.
    one more thing I wld like to tell, that my fil suggessted my hubby and his brother to sue his mother too.For the property share.she is 80 yr old widow.(owning lots of property)But we (me and my hubby)simply denied and my hubbys uncle(My fil s brother who himself is multimillionaire)SUED her.Now this Uncle of my hubby is giving him(fil)all the idea of torturing and blackmailing us. And she is suffering with great crises of money .(my Fil never paid her single penny ever and never did any kind of help for them)

    Parents can misuse this act sometime like ours.Unfortuanetly we cant explain this thing to anyone bcoz bydefault law and society will be in the favour of them and they will sympatize with them only. Noone will listen us even though we can prove there cruelities and criminal actions too.And they are taking advantage of this.
    So i just want if they are implying this law they shld see its Pros and Cons both.
    This law shld not make any problem for innocent people like this.And any law cant provide that respect,love and care which any senoircitizen genuinely needs. If children will give them these things they will get money automatically .Because of this law parents can harass there children badly like in our case.Bcoz No one can fulfill the greed of money .


    So for me this bill is like hell its a house breaker not maker.
    I know no one can help me only God can.But now a days I think he is sleeping .


    vins
     
  8. sathya

    sathya Gold IL'ite

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    hello vins

    there are two sides to a coin
    remember
    now there are four.....!!!
    so many views.. each one his/her own

    its not that he is not there
    its just that he is busy
    treating people who need him more
    blind deaf and mute..
    wait and he will come
    and then u can say
    ....today is the day...

    sathya
     
  9. vinj74

    vinj74 New IL'ite

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    Thanks for your concern .
    But like my inlaws are Black mark on this pious relationsip.If few more parents will be like my inlaws will exist in society then children will not trust there parents .And wait for court orders only .And they will not do anything with there own wish.And just forget abt love ,care,and other kinds of emotional & physical help.And this relation will become just a money oriented only.
    I do have parent and i myself is also a parent so really worried this kind of there behaviour wont effect my thinking and my love towards my son or later his wife too.

    One more thing Why children doesnt want to take care of there parents ?Did anyone Analyised.
    When i used to be unmarried I always use to tell my fiancee(n hubby)that we will give them(my inlaws)full love , affection and care.WE used to wonder how kids disown there parents sends them to oldage homes.But after knowing them and trying so hard to win there love ,now i m realising that Few parents are themselves responsible for there this kind of condition.Because they makes there Imaginary insecurities and assumes that there children will not do anything for them in future.May be because they behaved badly with there parents.Or they tried to control there sons financial ,social and family life .

    Infact other way this bill will be helpful for children if there parents r like my inlaws.As according to this Bill children have to pay them ,acc to there income only.Then parents cant demand unjustified sum of money like our parents are demanding.( my inlaws are using it as a threat doesnt want to go to court bcoz he wont get medical+monthly household expense+car+driver+houserent+daughters and gifts for relatives too+paying up his liabilities too)Which one only son cant afford at all morover when u havent not got single penny from parents everyhing they gifted to there daughters only.(I really dt mind that but feel very insulted and cheated somehow)

    Anyways, wishing my inlaws are only 1 case on this earth.Hope this Bill will help to actualy needed people not become a threat and harrassment instrument, for dutyfull and responsible children. Wont make this relation more worst and distant.


    vins
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2007
  10. desikudi2013

    desikudi2013 New IL'ite

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    Oh my gosh...same in laws like mine. I am also facing the same threats for maintenance. They wants us to sell our flat since they loaned us 1 Lakhs at that time. When we denied to sell our flat, they are asking for Rs 30,000/month for maintenance and not asking single penny from their daughters who are rich, working and going to inherit ate everything. I live is US ...can you tell me how much amount/month is decided by law. Thanks in advance.
     

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