#longpost I grew up in a middle class family with not very well educated parents. Mom was mildly narcissistic, dad has always been the absent parent (physically present) and the environment was toxic at many levels. For the most part mom took care of us. Growing up I have always been insecure of my looks, my color, education & family. Mom always would taunt that she would get us (me & sister) married and get rid of us. She made these statements out of frustration of handling everything alone. It was almost like she was a single mom. But her anger and taunts (filthy language, swearing) made a deep negative impact on me, it was an abuse. According to her, even putting food on the table was a favor she did. Sadly she was almost bipolar, one moment the most loving mom and next moment someone we just not recognize. His extreme mood flows were hard to deal with. After I finished studies and started working, things were slightly better. During this time I met someone through a friend. Over the years we became very good friends. Marriage has always been a complicated topic for me and sadly not a single marriage I saw made it worthy. All I saw in my surrounding was fights, filthy language, arguments. That includes my parents as well who never modeled a healthy relationship at all. So I almost never had thoughts of a happy marriage. Deep down I knew I would be married off to some rich goose no matter how he looked or what he studied. Money was important for my family. Especially my mom! Property, status and show off in the society was everything to her. This friend of mine had a loving family. His mother was exactly like how I imagined a mom to be. Loving , sweet & caring, so patient while we spoke. Over time I had the chance to meet her a few times in various gatherings and we made a trip together as well. She was the sweetest person. After this friend left the county I hardly had a chance to meet his family. Then suddenly one day he visits and proposes me in front of his mom. We both had a great understanding and affection as friends. This comes as a huge shocker for me. After thinking through, my answer was yes! My family was not in agreement, they were not happy, we received a lot of retaliation. Through all this, his mom constantly pushed me to convince my family. Long story short, we got married! Both the families present but my family made it obvious in the wedding that they were not happy. As soon as the mangalya ritual was completed, the entire clan just left. The brides room was empty just my things left. My mom made a strong statement that it’s OVER and would never want to see us nor have any ties with us. Suddenly my world was shattered, I never thought my mom would really do things she did. But I gathered myself and kept going. Day one in the new household, my new MIL was pissed and I knew the reason. No one from my family was with me for rituals or anything after the wedding. Hubby was around for a month after the wedding and he left. I was supposed to join him in a few months once my visa was processed. I was excited to a part of the new family, a happy family and a loving mother. Slowly it started fading wen MIL suddenly became this new person I hadn't met before. She would want control on all aspects related to me including what I wore and what I ate, how I did things, where I went, time I spent with whom, EVERYTHING. She wanted to choose everything for me as well. Initially I thought it was her affection for me but I was so wrong. She started stripping away each shade with time, only for me to discover she wasnt very different from my mom. Infact even worse. I was disappointed but also understood our families had a huge common aspect of an absent father and hence mothers took over. I accepted her criticism and her need for control on every little thing under the sun. My immediate reaction was submission, I gave in even wen I wanted to shout and say NO for things. As time passed she started complaining to hubby about my habits and how imperfect I was. He would in turn talk to me and we would argue over things. This is just 2months into the marriage. I left to join hubby and couldn’t be happier I was leaving. After 6months, MIL visited us and it all starts again. She gives me silent treatments and big faces and taunts for everything I do. This continues every time we are together either she visits or when we visit. First few days or weeks are all good and happy, and then slowly she starts acting up. And again she’s the same sweet person when we are away (not in the same house). She was emotionally never available for me in any way. I tried to bond with her and every time I took one step, she would take two steps backward. She had issues that my parents dint give things in the wedding, the wedding didn’t happen the way it was promised, and with zero connection, my family was absent all the time. She would not let go a single chance to taunt for y family's absence. Currently stuck in india with MIL who has a problem with everything i do and say, even when i dont say or do anything. We travelled in the wrong time before COVID hit. We have more personality issues than the actual issues. Now i realise she wanted a submissive, typical DIL who will have a serving mindset towards everyone & though i love my family and would always be willing to help around chores or anything really, i am an individual who has my own ideology & mindset of course the personality and opinions come along with it. Getting to specific issues - 1. Her obsession about my child - I understand the grandparent's love and totally respect it BUT she doesn't even have an ounce of respect for my relationship with my child, time & again she has proved this to me. She ruined our breastfeeding relationship and the baby was bottle fed throughout, even today when the baby keeps crying for me (calling amma amma), MIL never gives the baby to me, worse case she will pacify the child by giving her a phone, I am talking about a 15month old baby. Keep pushing the baby to her dad in playtime (asking her to do things for dad in a loving way of course), i am never included nor mentioned in anything. 2. We have major disagreements with everything related to the baby, her feeding and sleep schedules, sadly i have just given into her (MIL) need to control every aspect related to us (me, hubby & baby). She has made rude comments about my family, about my upbringing and openly admitted she has no emotional attachment towards me. She also said "You have come to my house" literally meaning i am an outsider and i should know where i belong, these were her exact words. 3. Chores - I am always ready to help, nor would I deny doing something when I am asked to do so. I am almost denied every single time I offer to help in cooking, worse case i make something myself, she will not eat or what i cook is only served to me & others are served something else. If i am in the kitchen, she will not even enter the kitchen. So i manage other chores at home. But sometimes with a needy baby, I am unable to wake up on time or do something within a certain timeline. That factor is held against me during arguments. She has least empathy for me with regards to anything literally. Even the food on my plate is a favour she is doing, that's exactly how she makes it seem. We fully financially support the entire family (MIL & BIL who is working but hardly contributes anything) My relationship with MIL was strained the most during postpartum when she ruined our breastfeeding journey, she came to US to basically look after me but did she was no help, emotionally & otherwise for first time overwhelmed parents. And her constant effort to keep my child away from me right from the time the baby needed me the most, neither our love & attachment nor have an ounce of respect towards my opinions, wishes & views about anything (especially things related to the baby) and I am deeply hurt. I dont disrespect her but my conversation with her was only to the point, we can hardly have any normal conversations. I get a lot of silent treatment or rather say our interaction is almost zero and she only interacts when she has to taunt about something. I am hurt that our relationship turned out this way, I blame myself for ignoring the red flags in our initial conversations, also the fact that I don't have that parental love & attention that I crave. Am I wrong in feeling this way? She also makes me feel like she did a favour on me by getting us married. Her comments on how many better matches my husband had at the time but decided to marry me instead. She expects me to be grateful for standing by the opposition received from my family. I have respect for the efforts she has made & her path as a single mother but does that mean i need to oppress myself, my wishes & my family to keep satisfying her narcissistic behaviour, her constant bully each day is killing me. I am still dealing with waves of PPD but it all keeps coming back with this kind treatment at home. Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks!