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Do i deserve life that sucks so bad

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by 27csweetangel, Feb 15, 2013.

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  1. Feb 15, 2013 #1
    27csweetangel

    27csweetangel Silver IL'ite

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    I had a huge fight with husbby on valentines day ..i am already dealing with so many problems..my life sucks literally..i am well educated person, i know i can do so much ..but i have no confidence left..let me tell hiw it started,,
    PART 1
    i was a bright student when i was 18 i was in a bad relation..i was broken..dint move on that quickly..result? I failed for first time in my engineering exam ..my parents never cared about me ..i mean they were not bad but they wanted me to do only what they want..right from choosing a major to joining class at so an so professor..i mean common i had to have my life..dad hardly had time for us..or parents were busy settling their issues huh! Some how i cleared my backlogs but was presented with a new set of backlogs, this kept on piling and i lost my one precious year.when i got out of college their were hardly any companies ready to interview because of my academics,,i wanted to do Mba. ,,i has good score in one exam,,parents wanted me to start working and had no money for edu.,ok i got job on my own after so many struggles.i was small comapny but good role java developer.. Couple of months into my job and they started forcing to me to get married. They just wante me to get married ..my mother was such dominating lady..ok i met my hubby we got married...all fine i left my job..got my h1b all goody d goody. Moved to Usa with hubby
    Now starts
    PART 2

    MY husband started fighting with me right in honeymoon..do you ever imagine that u leave everythign behind to settle with a man and he starts fighting with his wife right on honeymoon..i think this the worst thing that can happen.
    I was on birth control which had some side effects and i was not kind of well..and hestarted fighting with me then and there.things got worst from here
    I never got job onH1b..honesly i didnt know how things ork on h1b,consultants, fakinf resume..lack of experience etc etc
    First 2 years just were spent fighting and fighting..evry trip we fought ..on top of that his parents kept adding fuel thts diff story..i wanted to do MS ,i was doing crappy cash jobs..but that thing also dint work .neither hubby, inlaws nor parents supported me and i had to leave thought of persuing MS took break to start family convcieved and miscarried twice from dec 2011 till today.all test are normals ..i moved on
    We got our Ead after my 4 precious years are wasted.some how got a job and was fired just in 2. Weeks.. I moved on and now yestersday i got into huge fight with husbband just because we couldnt get reservation in any restaurents on time and he started shouting on me..and said what is so special about. Valentines day And that i should show some concern about he working whole day.
    I fellt so bad that just because i m not working gives him right to talk to me like this
    Let me tell u he always have to done thinngs the way he likes..even with my miscarriages his attitude was starnge he was sad both times but i dont think he understood pain i went through..he never does..he says i must move on..he hardly appreciates me for anything i do..basically whatever happens in my life is only my mistake and not abig deal for him..in short my life sucks big time.he says do whatever you want to do but dont expect any support financially or mentally from me but i should do all my duties like a diligent wife..
    Woah it was a big vent thread ..thanks to those who will read.it
     
    27csweetangel, Feb 15, 2013
    27csweetangel, Feb 15, 2013
    #1
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  2. Feb 15, 2013 #2
    sunil087

    sunil087 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Sweetangel,

    Seems like too much of negative complications in your life and all happened bcoz of one reason...you didnt stand back to fight for your likings at your young age and you just forced yourself to let your life for other ppl to play around. Ok still whatever has happened is past and no need to be considered now. You can now try an option to work on part time jobs and if you are interested you can take GMAT for MBA. Yea again if you get a nice score then still funding comes into picture. The quality of MBA in India is equally good if you do from reputed colleges. My suggestion is for ISB. Its one of the best in country and also course duration is 1 yr only. So you will get more quickly a stable job to settle.

    All you need is just pass the exam and return back to India for higher studies. No use to be ill treated by so called close one's in your life. Just stand up in your own. Once you start to do it after initial struggle you will sure find a way through it and dont just held yourself back this time for other's likings. Just aim for a good and stable career and settle yourself and ppl who ill treated you will be put to shame and at times they will try to win u back on which you must make a careful move.

    Just with H1B without a job is a horrible life. Also never lose your self respect to other ppl when they ill treat you. All are one way or other special beings. Its just that you need to take a alternative route for your goals. You can definitely come up once you put your full effort towards it. Never lose your coolness and never care for other ppl hurting words or deeds. At the end you need to work out for your betterment.

    All the best for your happy life ahead :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2013
    sunil087, Feb 15, 2013
    sunil087, Feb 15, 2013
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  3. Feb 15, 2013 #3
    27csweetangel

    27csweetangel Silver IL'ite

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    I wish i could go back to india..but that is not possible..but thanks for suggestions and support.nobody in my life has ever supported me..nobody talks positive about me .thanks
     
    27csweetangel, Feb 15, 2013
    27csweetangel, Feb 15, 2013
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  4. Feb 15, 2013 #4
    27csweetangel

    27csweetangel Silver IL'ite

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    You re right i dint stand for myself at right time!!i hope i can have a respectable life in future .because my husbans clearly doesnot respect me
     
    27csweetangel, Feb 15, 2013
    27csweetangel, Feb 15, 2013
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  5. Feb 15, 2013 #5
    sunil087

    sunil087 Bronze IL'ite

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    You will definitely have a great time ahead. Its just 2 rules at this point you need to focus upon... never have any expectancy on anyone or anything and never have any dependencies too.... So once you adopt to it then your mind will be more confident enough to handle things alone... Self sustainability is the need of the hour here... Get yourself tuned towards it and rest all will happen automatically...
     
    sunil087, Feb 15, 2013
    sunil087, Feb 15, 2013
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  6. Feb 15, 2013 #6
    Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    Don't beat up on "Standing for myself" at young age too much. How many stand up when they are young? We are dependent on parents till we start working. Even after working people are still dependent on parents unless they move to other city or country for job.

    I will not comment on your part 1. Your parents are history now. You need to focus on Part 2

    Talk to husband and ask him what he wants? Does he want you to work or have a family? Do you want to work or have a family?

    I personally feel whether it is work or family, it should be a joing decision because it will affect both the parties involved. He is obviously sad that the miscarriage happened twice. Maybe he is blaming you too for this. But he need to understand that miscarriage can happen anytime, anyhow....

    Good thing in your favor is you are not on H1 or H4, you have EAD so flexibility is more for you to get a job. You can do MBA once you get a job. There are evening and weekend classes as well.

    I would say talk to him, communicate and try to make things work. If he does not talk, you take the lead. In a marriage it is not like " If he does not talk, why should I ?" Marriage is another name for adjustments and communication.
     
    Decentguy, Feb 15, 2013
    Decentguy, Feb 15, 2013
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  7. Feb 16, 2013 #7
    27csweetangel

    27csweetangel Silver IL'ite

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    My husbands wants me to work and have a family also and i i know he cannot do much if i m not getting job..but he is like not supporting me,, taunting me always..getting upset with me..financially he will never support..i know he has lot of money in savings,,but he will not do it...
    Can i ask ladies here studying in USA like MS or MBA,, didnt your hubby give you a single penny for eduction,, di you raise money all on your own or did you take loan,again for loan he is not ready to gaurantee..financial aid looks likea distant dream for me
     
    27csweetangel, Feb 16, 2013
    27csweetangel, Feb 16, 2013
    #7
  8. Feb 16, 2013 #8
    Dinny

    Dinny IL Hall of Fame

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    That sounds like a troubled teenage life and i think those troubles have followed you to your 20s too.
    So how are you feeling now after venting so much...better right???
    My guess is you lack good friends in your life.And thats why this thread on IL..
    Nothing can be done about your past or the so called part 1 of your life.Because past can never be fixed you can only come to terms with it.And i think a troubled relationship in the past is effecting your present.Bitter break offs can leave a scar
    So now your husband..this guy doesnt support you emotionally is what you said.But you know i cant connect the dots....theres something wrong...you got fired in just 2weeks..your husband tells you to move on... These things point to one thing that you are very short tempered or you resist the changes that happen in your life.
    You have to stop blaming your fate for everything..,take charge of your life....
    Love yourself first and then you will be able to love others around you
     
    Dinny, Feb 16, 2013
    Dinny, Feb 16, 2013
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    2 people like this.
  9. Feb 16, 2013 #9
    27csweetangel

    27csweetangel Silver IL'ite

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    The things is he doesnt wwant to talk..he says topic is finished whenever i try to talk,,like yesterday i pleaded him to have dinner ..but neither did he talk..nor did he eat nor did i ask me to eat
     
    27csweetangel, Feb 16, 2013
    27csweetangel, Feb 16, 2013
    #9
  10. Feb 16, 2013 #10
    27csweetangel

    27csweetangel Silver IL'ite

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    You can say that i am alone in group of friends i am afraid that if my close friends come to know what going on with me..they may misunderstand whole situtaion....that is why seeking solutions from strangers..you see i dont want to lose friends i made ..they know nothing of my miscarriages,my job, my husbands behaviour,,bu still you need them right..i am trying to figure out where am i wrong ?
     
    27csweetangel, Feb 16, 2013
    27csweetangel, Feb 16, 2013
    #10
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