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divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in USA

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by vatsala719, Dec 23, 2011.

  1. MrsYPatel

    MrsYPatel New IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    I disagree. Until you have experienced child birth or divorce for yourself... there's isn't a way to really know how it feels. One can only guess...
     
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  2. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    I don't want to say how I was, because it would be wrong on my part. However, I know myself very well and to what extent I go to make relationships work. I don't say I am clean, but I will not insult and look down at someone because of the inadequacies.

    What is giving and treating V? Treating: Talking to the unborn kid? When you say your mom had breast cancer and you are worried whether you will conceive because of any genetic reasons, and someone talks to some Dr whom you know personally that works in one of the premier institutes to find out the feasibility and at the end of it your effort being dusted off saying oh that's all the past in the present I have a kid and I just don't want to hear your voice again? Under which parameters of human values do these come? You are asked in return is, tell me something you sometimes don't sleep in the nights are you sexually frustrated? Oh! do tell me is this what you should receive.

    Married women in healthy marriages look down at people who have problems. They are inhuman and extremely selfish. They will not hesitate to swallow the other person for their happiness.

    @Srividya, Super Duper advice huh! For heavens sake don't respond with your inexperienced advises.

    My question: We spend time, advise forum members and so many other stuff. How many of them come with genuine problems?
     
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  3. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    And from where are you getting this idea??? Looking down on other people who have problems is not a quotient of healthy or unhealthy marriage. Its the reflection of an insecure person. I have married friends who are married and who do not look down upon me when i tell them about my issues. They generally sympathize with me. If you are faced with such kind of people then why are you still talking to them? I would stay away from such communities. Is there really a need to attend indian communitties that have these kind of people? I dont go to any indian community (never when i was single. never when i am married) I am perfectly fine not belonging to any community.



    perhaps that is your view - Her opinions and advises (even though she has not experianced my situation) is the same as that of other professional counsellors. And it made sense in my case (my relatives said the same thing and pretty much its the truth about the situation - cant do much). In an online forum lke this everyone is welcome to give their opinion

    My question: We spend time, advise forum members and so many other stuff. How many of them come with genuine problems?




    I cant speak for others - But I come here with genuine concerns. concerns that I cant talk to my DH or my other family members (w.o taking their peace of mind)

    I do see a lot of negativity in your post. a lot of anger. you can direct it to us if it helps you calm down. But life is not fair and not everybody is good. theres nothing we can do to change others. we can only change ourselves. we can only show the path to people, its upto people to walk or not. Sadly, you cant change someone, you can only change yourself. I hope you do get some peace of mind
     
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  4. beerbal

    beerbal Silver IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    Easier said than done.
     
  5. vatsala719

    vatsala719 Senior IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    RC.
    I am very sorry and apologize if I hurt your feelings. I, indeed do not know how deep and long your friendship was and I understand the pain to lose a friend. Can you think that she was ignorent, insensitive and not worthy of your sincere friendship. Do you think that your friend, if she was a real human being can sleep peacefully at night. There is a God above who knows who is who. You are offended by my writing
    "it also depends on how You view and treat them. You get nothing without giving. No one likes friends who are wining and complaining all the time. "
    It is a general rule in life that when we view things and events the same way the other person views, we have conflicts (Healthy people will have discussions) Treating-I meant the way you greet them, talk to them, the voice you use etc. That is what I meant. Nothing to hurt your personal feelings. Nothing without giving-Ask your parents, friends or anybody , that is the truth. Most of the women whom I know are giving more to get something in their personal life-whether it is your husband, kids o relatives. Simply we have to CHOOSE our friends. If the friends behave like flattering foes, discard them. I did to a friend of 15 years who always consulted me on line of work, but turned against me to support another person. We exchanged few e mails and then said' Quit" It is a waste of my time. So RC, there are quite a few women who underwent mental agony because of family and friends. We must be employed, stand straight, look at people directly into their eyes and let them have an impression that we are strong .
    Again, if I hurt your feelings, it is NOT intentional. WE ARE INDUS WOMEN and we have pride and status without ego.
    Happy New Year!
     
  6. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    The fact is that many DHs start taking undue interest in single ladies , act chivalrous and caring.
    This makes the wife see red flags and she cuts off the interaction .
    On her own she would like to be friends but she wouldnt like DH make a pass at her pal or flirt with her.

    Similarly some single ladies act like damsels in distress and use such men to get their work done, both use each other for their own benefit.
    It could be harmless or fatal depending on circumstances.
    Best is not to lament about such so-called friends.
     
  7. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    MrsY & RC

    not everyone is capable of doing or feeling certain things....or understanding certain things....there might be certain things that you can do and I cannot....and may be vice versa...

    ex: is parents who dont have daughters...may / may not act good to their DILs....why there is a diff. here b/w people who act good and not good to their DILs??? because some feel torturing DILs is a sin and stay away from annoying her...and some feel showing dominance on DIL in the name of being an elder is their right!!!....so did you get the point I am trying to convey??? some can do and some cant !!!!

    I may not be experienced in every situation that people go through.....but there are certain things I think I know the whats n whys of.....and I surely will chip in where I think I can may be point that person to the thought that I may have....whether it helps or not is upto that person....take it or leave it.
     
  8. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    I am sorry if I had hurt the members around, though that wasn't the intention.

    The crux is all of us want to relate to something, someone, get a sense of belonging with the environment and people around. When the identity is challenged it becomes a scar. The society is compartmentalized. All of us feel good when we vibe with positive, energetic, and humorous people. We feel drained to hear persistent issues.

    However, based on my experience, people with more problems be it finance, health, personal, they whine less. They learn to cope up over a period. Contrarily, the ones that are happier always complain about others, situations and come out with imaginary situations.

    They complain because they want to be in the top always, they don't want others to be jealous of them. It is like this, for example, when someone says how nasty the MIL perhpas for that person the MIL is really nasty, but for the listener it may not be so. She would simply join the chorus so to brush of the issues.

    This is a kind of mentality mean minded mentality where they dont offer a helping hand but would make the other person feel more miserable. This is why I earlier mentioned rewind to school days. The best student might work out x math problems but when someone asks she would only say x -1. Unfortunately the society is mean.

    I dont want to pull out more of my personal experiences but I'd say the Indian society is mean.
     
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  9. vatsala719

    vatsala719 Senior IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    I very strongly disagree with your opinion "but I'd say the Indian society is mean." This is way too generalized -to mean all in the Indian community. I know a few women who are angelic in the way they talk and treat people. These women extend the help they can IF you ask for help and sometimes without asking. You are right that many are insensitive, selfish and rude. All these are expressions of their own insecurity and ignorance. Let us be mature to forgive them though we cannot forget their words. When you said "All of us feel good when we vibe with positive, energetic, and humorous people", that is where you show who you really are. It becomes easy to forgive ignorance and the healing process begins. You become your own therapist at this point. When I am with my friends either here or in India, we talk, laugh a lot and learn from each other either it is Atma Shatakam in Sanskrit or simple carrot cake. Loosen yourself and try to be cool is my motto in everyday life. Here is a quote:
    [​IMG] β€œIn three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
    ― Robert Frost
     
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  10. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    For some it is easier than constantly worrying about Wandering spouse, why would a woman live with a cheating spouse if she can take care of herself.
     

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