Divorce - better in US or India?

Hi NB,

I do not have info about the comparison of the processes in the 2 countries.

As far as raising the kid goes, I think that the facilities in the US are better to care for a child if the mother is a working woman. The process is standardized in daycares and afterschool care places. Also work life balance is better in the US in general. How old is your kid? Till your kid is an age where she can care for herself (teens), might be a better idea to hang around here.

Also I would think that US would have better support groups for single moms etc.

 

Life looks easy in those areas(day care etc) but without much support it becomes tough to live a single life with a kid for a Indian mom. Generally single mom's in US are dating, going out, have boyfriends etc. In India it is more of social support from parents, sibliings , relatives if one has them..

I am sure many men too will not want to live a single life in US without family. The whole life looks meaningless in US at least to me if family is not around...

 

NB

If you know he wont initiate it, what is the action plan? how long is your wait planned? I guess you have to do lot of self analysis on is this a move made out of frustration due to the recent events? or is this because you see things are not going anywhere in this marriage? Did you ask him what is he thinking and how about separation on mutual consent? what was his reaction?

Divorce is not an easy decision for those who are still living together under one roof, but at the same time when someone knows hte positives and negatives of being separated, its not even going to be hard as we know why we made that decision in first place!!

I think FL & BA have put in some good pointers
Also you might have to check what are the legalities of your kid. As your kid is a US citizen does the Indian custody laws apply to her etc

But I too suggest you to be in US rather than in India atleast hte initial years of separation would be easy to go with here, people wont poke their nose too much into others business and you would have good supporting system/groups and even for your kid its not a new place with a new situation (i.e with out her dad around). atleast the place and school would be the same for her

 

NB, after reading all this, I personally feel , as other might suggest, but temprorary seperation might not just work. It may give some space but in general if the chemistry is not working and if both are not equally willing to put their efforts into marriage, it is not going to work. You have done so much effort, you even thought bringing kid into marriage is going to reduce friction. But it did not help much.

It looks your DH has some problems and he is not ready to work on them , I am not sure why he is behaving like this, why he is eager to break family, why is he not seeing any hope , why he is not wanting to change or do something esp when he knows you have done so much.? I have no doubt that you are a great mom and great wife. His saying that he is going to India and he does not care almost looks like he wants to dump you.. That is bad, I hope he did not say it in fit of rage or anger or during argument... Whatever be that statement is not right.....

 

The custody laws depends on situation, if the court has already made its judgement in US for e.g and then either parent takes the child it will be in contempt of court in US.

Indian courts can still grant some protection, depending on childs age, for e.g the recent SC judgement where the custody of canadian parents was given to father and the mother was in India but the SC gave interim relief to kids as they had moved the petition to stay in India

If the divorce or custody is not filed in US and in case of NB she knows her Dh wont intiate. She can go to India, again not sure what their legal status is that is GC, USC etc, but in any case she can go and file custody and divorce in India. It also depends where they got married, US or India? Whether they lived in India before coming to US together after marriage,

Courts decide based on case by case basis, I just highlighted some of the aspects that are seen...

 

OP's husband is planning to go to India, so if OP lives in US by herself , he will not be able to meet the child. That is a tough one....

 

Tridev,

I plead complete ignorance when it comes to social support in India for a single mom who has been divorced.

My feedback was based on the following reasoning:
1. US society is more open to a divorced woman (my perception). So OP and her child will have breathing space post-divorce.
2. For a working woman day care and after school care etc. is better regulated in the US. Better laws to enforce and ensure safety etc.
3. Unless immediate family is supportive post-divorce, no incentive in living near them.

 

This is so true.. Divorce is not easy if couples keep living under one roof, too much hatred, hurt will just create more problems...

 

I 100% agree to you BeeAmma esp point 3, again it depends on case by case, I have known women who have not left US if they are seperated or DH died, and kept living in US . Some also remarry , some dont, I have also known women who have moved to India and are extremely happy about their decision as they get lot of support and help...It depends on person and how the circumstances are. In US it is overall lonely life. To raise a kid in a single enviornment is not easy. In India even if mom is single , she wont be living as single, as she would always have her family around. Kids would get company of other kids in family etc. In US the mom will work so pressure of work, then raising kid alone, taking kid everywhere by oneself, if the kid is sick then no one to take care except mom. There are N number of things to consider. There is no easy way to say which one is the best option. NB can make her call depending on her preferences, tastes, social life in India and what suits her temperament and personality