Disappointed after gender check u/s - how to deal with it ?

Hi LifeisWhew,

Not sure if I am replying late, but thought of sharing my thoughts anyway. I was in your boat 2 years back. I was in a different state. I desperately wanted a girl since I am a single child and 90% of my cousins are only girls . My DH din't have any preference about the gender .

As soon as I found out from U/S that its going to be a boy I was disappointed for may be 15-20 mins. After that I just accepted the fact that its going to be boy . But as they show in movies everything changed after my son was born. Now looking back, I feel guilty sometimes of being disappointed after the U/S result. From my experience, you just forget everything when you look at the cute smile and face. As any mother does, I love my son to death. I would want to spend every minute outside of my work with him and my DH feels ignored sometimes I am sure you would feel the same too after the baby is born. Just hang in there.

Geetha

 

Whenever you are crying in self pity or feeling ripped off because you got a girl, just think of the ladies who will NEVER be able to have a child. To those ladies, girl or boy doesnt even matter, all they were expecting was a child. Try to look at yourself as lucky, because really, that's what you are! My suggestion to you is pray for a healthy child, because in a world with pre mature babies, babies with autism, still born, miscarriage or retardation.... a healthy baby is the biggest blessing.

And like the others have said, girls are fun too!! Try looking at girl names to imagine all the possibilities. Go shopping for a few girl outfits. Imagine how much fun you will have dressing her up and buying her her first jewellery, going through all the things you went through as a girl. And I think when you have her and she is there in your arms, you really will feel happy about it. And for crying out loud, stop crying about it and move on. Yes, you expected a boy. No, it's not a boy. Now stop living in the past and move on. For your peace, your dh's peace, and your unborn babies peace, it would be great for you to start feeling happy and positive again.

 

Glad you are feeling better now. Hope you have a safe and joyful pregnancy.

 

hi,
even i was in the same state like u when i had my scanning.....it was a girl...people around me was telling that definetely my baby is a girl because i looked beautiful that time and i had a huge belly.....

but i had a thought of having a baby boy....but to my dissappointment it was a girl and first few months i couldnt change my mind so easily...then i read more articles about pregnancy whenever i come across any magazines.....in one article i read that parents having a baby boy go through lots of agony becoz they are not as smart as a girl.....at some point of time in life girls start to do their work themselves and boys always depend on their mother for everything..this really takes mothers' to depression at some point of time without their knowledge...its true to some extent....
also my frend said.....for fun...when a boy 'pee'-s he goes evrywhere and when a girl baby pee-s its easy to clean.....so funny....isnt it?

also dont worry,girl child is so sweet and am experiencing it.....i love to dress her in different styles and her smile makes me forget evrything in this world......be it a boy or a girl.....its your baby..when u see them the day u delivered u will forget evrything else and am sure u r gonna enjoy it....
get ready to deliver a healthy baby.......forget the other things.....enjoy being mother.....you are welcome to mother's club........

think of spending rest of ur pregnancy period healthily and listen to good music.....please dont do this to your baby...afterall she is yours ....you have lots to do for her but DEFINETLY NOT THIS WAY......

all the very best...

with love,
a mother.....

 

I'm writing this very long post to get all your support,thoughts on my current state of mind.So, hope I won't be judged too harshly and you all can understand that I really need some positive help.Let me thank you in advance for your time!

I'm pregnant with twin girls after a second IVF.Both me and husband are married for 8+ yrs and after 3 natural pregnancies which ended up in early losses,few years of waiting,trying,lots of medical tests(fortunately all were normal),prayers and offerings by family,6 clomid cycles,3 IUIs,and one first failed IVF,I've finally got pregnant and I'm in second trimseter nowThank you God!!

Fortunately,everything is going fine by God's blessings in the pregnancy.On my 20 week scan few days back, we were eagerly waiting to know the gender of the babies.

I had always picturised,prayed a boy and girl in my family.(no,pls,am not gender biased..!Am a daughter myself.)Of course,am glad that I'm pregnant with healthy babies after years of yearning,waiting,praying ( not just from me and hubby but also from nice,loving family too.) I almost "believed" that I'll have a boy for sure (may be due to daily prayers too in all these long years,or my sheer stupidity to have believed so!)

When we got to know they are twins,only prayed harder for a girl too since I thought,one will be a boy definitely.May be,if they were two boys too,I would've felt the same disappointment..Like most women,I too have fancied the idea of dressing up girls and am happy about that too but at the same time, I wanted to have a naughty li'l boy also at home, both pink and blue dresses,accessories,boy girl toys,games etc,wanted to see a lovely brother sister relationship for both my children at home.Was waiting to choose boy girl names after the ultrasound.Or should I say,I had even thought to the extent of me and hubby having a son-in law and daughter- in law later ahead in our lives..
I try hard to convince myself with all the cliches(and truth of course!) that our prayers are coming true, we are getting two healthy children, we see people waiting for a first or second child,or people who have two boys yearning for a girl etc ..but somehow for past few days,I'm not able to come out of all those dreams which I had been building in my mind.I don't have sisters,I never studied in a girls' school,have seen my mom raising me and my younger brother and I know how good an experience it is to have loving siblings of both gender in the house.Its an experience as a couple too, to raise both boy and girl child.May be just I'm not able to connect to the sisters thing.. That's all.Have lot of friends around with happy,healthy boy girl kids,twins even..So, don't know if it was too difficult for us to get that lucky too,once for life,that too after years of praying,yearning,wishing,hoping..No, am not comparing or jealous here..May be just being silly or is it just a normal reaction?..That's why need to know your views..

On the other hand,my husband and our families are thrilled for getting girls too.My hubby is very fond of little girls(me too) and he used to tease me until before our scan that it will be girls(though he says now,he was neutral, at heart).I really wish that he too should have wished ,said the same like me and may be God would have listened to both of our prayers,may be I would have been the happiest person.I completely understand that its not always possible in life that things turn out the way we wish and its actually kiddish to think so too esp in such matters which are out of our control.Whatever God gives us will be good for our life etc,I understand and I try to believe.

I feel thankful to God that my parents,in laws are happy,excited ,proud of us,our life,them becoming grandparents, after all these years(though they too had secretly wished for a boy girl twin,since one of my cousins recently got them,but wanted to make me feel cheerful too) .Or was I wrong,stupid,stubborn, all these years to have wished for a son and daughter both,with my medical history and luck? We had gone through all emotional stages in all these years,which a couple struggling with infertility goes through.When I look at my pregnant belly each day,I realise how much we have waited to reach here, see,experience this.

I'm trying to make myself happy by looking at twin girl babies' pics,accessories,reading and getting views from these kind of blogs,forums.(I've read,written on such forums earlier when I was struggling to get successfully pregnant too,not so long ago..)I don't want to,feel comfortable to share it with any of my friends and with my family either and get scolded or judged or make my family upset about my wrong thoughts.I'm fortunate enough to have an extremely loving,understanding,caring husband and I don't want to spoil the home environment with my mood but since he saw me down, he encouraged me to be honest with him about my thoughts as he knew what was going on in my mind.He is trying his best to support me,correct,convince me,scold me,making me happy about the reality and great things ahead in life ,taking me to baby stores and I seem to accept etc but looks like my change is slow and I'm afraid if I take more time because I seriously want to come out of this ill thought process.Its like a broken dream inside me.Of course , am matured enough to differentiate b/w dreams and reality but may be this matter I wished and prayed,imagined for perhaps the longest in my life so far,I feel so disappointed like a kid.I don't have much enthusiasm about things,shopping etc these days I find it difficult to come back from my once long imaginary world.. Don't know if it happens with most of you like me..My husband even said if he knew I would go this crazy then it was better if we didn't find out the gender at all.We have 2 more frozen embryos from this IVF cycle but don't think we have the courage to get pregnant again after these children are born.Both me and hubby are in mid-end of thirties and again, we aren't sure whether another try will get us a son and I feel it will be selfish too on my part and unfair to the girls if I just try again wishing for a brother for them, too early after they are born.So,this time was like the only chance for us.

Am i being too selfish,stubborn about my thoughts? Will I be able to love my children unconditionally with this thought in mind?I know people say,once you see the babies, we forget rest everything.But,I want to happily go through my pregnancy too.Was I expecting just a so called picture perfect scenario of my family? I don't think am thankless but am I expecting too much from life? I can just pray to God to give me enough wisdom to happily accept the precious gift of motherhood and embrace the blessing, to successfully go through pregnancy and delivery.I want ,strive to be a good,loving mother and want my babies to healthy,cheerful and pleasant and wish&pray they have a great life too!

Like anybody with my state of mind,I feel sad,bad,guilty, too, for thinking unnecessary too much and upsetting myself and hubby and not being able to bond suddenly with babies inside me.i want to be practical and live in reality only,always.Of course, I wanted one of them to be a girl and its lucky,cute to have both daughters too.Having said all these,I definitely don't want my thoughts to affect my babies inside and I seriously like,want girls to be girls and not tomboyish.

How can I help myself more to change my mind?Am i really being mentally sick?:0.Please feel free to scold me if am really being silly..

 

@Prp

I'm pregnant with twin girls after a second IVF.Both me and husband are married for 8+ yrs and after 3 natural pregnancies which ended up in early losses,few years of waiting,trying,lots of medical tests(fortunately all were normal),prayers and offerings by family,6 clomid cycles,3 IUIs,and one first failed IVF,I've finally got pregnant and I'm in second trimseter nowThank you God!!


Read this 100 times, I am sure you will start feeling better
Gender should be the last thing on your mind
But giving you the benefit of doubt, because pregnancy makes us a bit weird