Disappointed after gender check u/s - how to deal with it ?

Hi Dear,

Who ever it is, it is still your child and you are her mother
She comes out into this world expecting you both to be the best parents
Dont feel bad that u dint have a boy. Cherish what you have and make it memorable.

 

OP, 'moving on' entails you doing it. There is no miraculous post or answer or solution to get over depression, sadness, shock, dissapointment etc. for anything in life. One just has to forcibly change the mind's direction of thoughts. When it goes back to the sadness and you become aware, you change it again. And again. And again.

No matter how many people tell you how they felt and how they changed how they felt, your feelings will not change. You have to change your own feeling. Your feelings won't change for your just because they are inconvenient.

I know you will say that you already know this. Still I think knowing is one thing, doing is quite another. So I think thats what the folks meant about you moving on. You first move i.e do something differently than what you are doing now.

Don't entertain the thoughts of dissapointment. Don't pamper your mind. Be brisk with it. Stop the negative train of thought. Give it something else to think about. Like the other post said, go a baby store and look at baby girl's clothes. Look at baby girl's photos. Think about baby girl's names...

When you find your mind wandering back to the negativity, again stop and distract.

You cannot do the same thing over and over again and expect that you will feel differently. YOU HAVE TO PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR OWN SHOELACES.

You owe your daughter to do that. She will look up to you. You will show her that life is not always what you want, but you buck up, accept it and keep on moving.

In a few years you will realize she is exactly what you need. But since you are not there yet, start with the first step in that direction. MOVE and CHANGE.

God bless your lovely lil girl!

 

lifeiswhew..
i totally get it... thats why i was frank in sharing my experience.. i think what you felt and what i felt can be reacted upon as the same , but unfortunately the social conditioning is such that the person who utters preference to a boy is frowned upon...
i do hope hearing about similar situations helps you relaise you can indeed come out of it & enjoy being the mum to a child of different sex too just as much you imagined it would be with the one you thought it would be. atleast i realised that after a few days of knowing what i was expecting.. no regrets now at all and as i said i truly enjoy the kid i have

 

Hi LifeisWhew, I certainly understand how you feel. But now is the time to move on girl. Perhaps some introspection might help. Why don't you write down the reasons that made you think (I am deliberately avoiding the word 'prefer' here) that it was going to be a boy. Then ask yourself how can you be so sure that those things would end up being true when he comes to this world. For example, something like this - I'd like a boy because he will be less dependent on you as a teenager whereas as a girl you have to give more care like dropping off and picking up from school, tuitions etc. Then play devils advocate - perhaps the boy can be very shy, (I've known many boys like that) or won't return home in time. Your girl might be very bold and she might have a set of friends whom she will go to school with.

I know these examples can be farfetched but guess you get the idea. Do some introspection and counter argue for every reason you can think of. Ultimately, you will realise that your assumption was founded on no solid reasoning and will give you the strength to move on.
Also, think about things that can go worse (touch wood : having an unhealthy baby etc that could alter your normalcy in life). This will put you back in perspective and help you appreciate what you have now.

Just pray for a lovely little girl to be born healthy. I am also expecting - perhaps you should also join the Aug 2011 mommies club

Cheers.

 

If this is our own view not influenced by society no one can help you, it may be insulting to women who have daughters and your own child and probably your mother as well. regarding your spouse you are more worried about him than your child.

 

Lifeiswhew,

I see people have been comforting you for long enough.Maybe you don't need any comforting. So I am going to be blunt enough...If I was your daughter ,then I would find it insulting that once upon a time my mother was "expecting " a boy and I came.Instead of welcoming me with open arms..she feels shocked?disappointed?

I can only feel pity that an educated woman like you feels bad for so many days. It is but natural that a parent has gender preference and if the reverse happens,it may disappoint us.But this kind of prolonged behavior is definitely insulting to your to be born baby.

For the record..it is the same for any gender.How can you just assume that it is a boy...you can really hope for one.And if it is not,you may be sad for the first couple of days..but then it is after all your child!!I would not have commented because so many have already written what I wanted to say..but for the fact that you still feel it is not insulting to your baby,I have written this.You may refute the fact..but that's true.

 

My husband desperately wanted a kid so much so tht he started pestering me for kids 1 month after our marriage (arranged marriage :didnt even know each other before marriage ) ..Initially I resisted but then i gave in and in 3 months of marriage i was pregnant ,whenever we used to talk about the kid we woulkd address 'him' as a boy and had thought of a name too,then we went for u/s and we found it was a girl ,I was a little disappointed because like you i had also made my imaginary world around having a boy ..but when she was born and i held her she was the most precious and beautiful thing that i ever held in my life ,Two years go by and I concieve again,had a boy this time ,but I have to admit that although he is the most cute and handsome thing in the world (he is 9 months old) ,the rush of emotions that I felt (still feel) for my daughter go unsurpassed.:hide:,whenever i dress up she tells me i am looking nice ,when i cook something nice she says its yummy ,when i get hurt she cries ..She is my life ,my sweetheart...