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Dinner, Lunch Invite Trouble - Holiday Time

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Dec 21, 2018.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    I'm posting trivial thing. Yet it took my peace of mind.
    We planned to invite friends for dinner and lunch not as a group but as individual families during holidays.
    Some accepted some said no. But 2 people dragging for days I couldn't come to an conclusion on planning menu and days. I don't know if they will come or not.
    I feel it's better to say yes or no. I waited for more than a week. I followed up what's app , calls they still reply tommorow , tommorow we will tell.
    I'm tired. What to do
    I can't ask tell me now. Going mad because of that.
    I'm so tired of this. I really want friends and family to come over and have fun.

    I gave ETA saying tell me before specified date. Yet no reply.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2018
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  2. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Please invite me. I will come and eat all you make and fill my tummy. My kids are having school lunch and I was super lazy to make anything so all I have is dosa and podi. I want yummy food by Vedhavalli.
     
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  3. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    If they did not reply before eta, let them know you changed plans as they not available and hope to see them after holidays
     
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  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Proceed with your plans as if they are not coming. Don't change anything to if they reply at the last minute.
     
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  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Then consider that you will not be hosting them. I don’t think it needs so many days to decide whether to attend or not unless they have some priority work
     
  6. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    It's not a trivial thing at all. They're being very inconsiderate.

    You've called them enough times; don't contact them about this again. Friends should have the courtesy to RSVP right away.

    You could assume they're coming and prepare accordingly. If they don't show up, freeze the food.

    A better option is to clean up the house and go about your life. If they accept your invite at the last minute, order pizza. Hopefully, they'll understand.

    Best option is invite @mangaii and me instead. Why should all these ungrateful guests enjoy your cooking while we sit here drooling? :p
    .
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @Vedhavalli, as @Amica said this is not a trivial thing. It reminds me of the time from about 1-1.5 decades ago when I was more active on the call-people-home front. Text costed money and no whatsapp yet, so communication was by landline and email.

    I had two or three friends (not any more) who had a stock response each time I called them: "So far it is a yes, will keep you posted." I could imagine them looking at their calendar as we spoke on the phone. Once I gathered enough dhairyam (courage) and with just the right smile and laughter in my tone, asked back, "So my invite is a Plan B that will get upgraded to Plan A if something better doesn't turn up?"

    The friend was at a loss for words and after a few embarrassed half-laughs and hem/haw's the call ended. I used to recount these to pati dev over dinner. He set me right about it: "Have some pride. She is keeping you hanging like a spoilt-brat in high school keeps the boys guessing who will go to prom with her."

    Sorry got distracted into recalling my own kathas. : )

    In your case, you may want to respond back tactfully since you don't want to lose the friendship over this. Some people are like this when it comes to responding but otherwise they are OK. When you issue an invitation, include a "let me know by date" in the first chat/call itself. The day after that deadline send a message saying, 'Hey haven't heard from you. Was hoping we could get together. I'll ping you again in Jan-end."

    The key is to have a clear deadline in the first invite. No reminders as that makes you look desperate. Reminder to a group of people is fine, not 1-1.

    Such friends are not worth meeting too often. Once a year is good enough.

    All that being said, families now-a-days are more informal about invitations to casual friends. People tend to more make plans for the weekend on Fri or Sat only. Best is to invite minimum 4 families, so that no-show's are fine.

    If anyone invites just our family for dinner, I consider it a huge honor, and make sure the hostess knows how much I appreciate it. And also, why I cannot call just them as often.

    Phew.. I am glad those years are behind us. Now, it is mostly adults only dinners, at the latest fine restaurant the ever-reliable Yelp gives us. Kids start asking from 4pm itself, "When are you going?" : )
     
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  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    :screamcat::screamcat::screamcat: You are making yummy food in your instapot and inviting families one at a time over the holidays? Girl, make me your friend no?

    You are being such a good host. It's honestly their loss. The 2-3 women who didn't respond will eventually respond. If I were you, I would respond back saying since I didn't hear from you, I changed plans. Sorry, let us do this in Feb!
     
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    this is not trivial at all!
    Next time dont give an open ended invite. give firm dates. hey I am thinking dinner at my place this sat or next sat which one works for you? type of thing. Either they can or they cant but you wont be left hanging. This way its become like some required thing. They have to do but they are dragging their feet to do it and they are doing you a biiig favor by coming to your place. You want to avoid that sort of thing.
     
  10. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    As others said let your friends know to response by X date otherwise let them know will do next time. Always have more friends around you and don’t depend on just 2-3 families. Though some of your friends doesn’t do potluck but still they are in good communication with you it’s worth having them rather than getting frustrated with some of the friends.

    I had bad experience earlier but no more I moved on. Always have your own plan and don’t depend on only few friends and don’t expect they will do the same what you did.
     

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