DILs and MILs Dynamics - Lets Discuss

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?

Ria... I guess thats a valid point.. We dont want our friends to be shutoff sharing their feelings here... that word, Sheetha has mentioned might be a stretch.. Also I guess it doesnt reach i the same sense as it original meant... I guess its giving out a wrong picture and many are just fuming I guess

can we have something like : How long a DIL can adjust or Where is the end for a DIL;s compromise/understanding or Will it every work or something of that sort - To project that its just an discussion and not branding or judging...

I would suggest you do the same to the other thread.. or make it a common thread in this same one.. that way we can talk abt ways what a DIL can try and what a MIL can try and stuff like that...

 

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?

Ria, Nandu, Sheetha - ha..ha..What am I doing at work on Thursday evening...shooting away posts like crazy?

Thanks Ria, Nandu, Sheetha for your comments. I know what you mean. I have always read your posts and appreciated your thought process and the way you commented. At some point it felt like I did a mistake reveling things about my life, but hey everyone has their lil' nuances, show me someone who don't! Right!

It's good to be a part of IndusLadies. A cool place to let it all out without any hesitations!

 

Great going gals... i really appreciate that all the comments here have taken a good shape and in the right spirit.

I am sure everyone is pouring their heart out here since most of us are as such unknown to each other and also some of them really don't have anyone in whom they can confide and sure that no one will back bite...but will surely give some good advice/guidance.

So dear ILs please feel free to pur your frustrations here and feel light n good. I am sure what Ria meant was to have a more broader outlook to life and let not small things bother you much ...instead prioritise your life and concentrate on bigger n better things. For those who really have bad experience with in laws may not be able to forget it easily specially when the husband also dosen't support her...but then we really need to find a way and get along in life...lets not ponder over the past but live for the present and work towards making our future better.

And i am sure there are many souls here who can give their guidance as how to go about it.

All the best fold
Have a great day and a great weekend.

Warm regrds
Roopa.

 

Hi Ria,

I was trying to resist from replying to this thread. But seeing all the replies I also feel drawn into it. When we enter our husband's house we enter it with a lot of dreams. But in India there is a huge difference between the way the Daughter-in-law and Son-in-law is treated. Still in many houses DIL is not a "daughter"-in-law but a "doormat"-in-law. This friction keeps increasing it then it explodes in a very ugly manner. MIL ill treats DIL during the first few years of marriage and then when MIL is old DIL pays back. Sometimes the husband and in-laws ill treat the DIL at a very crucial point of their life like during the delivery of a child. Husbands take sides with their parents and in-laws find it very hard to accept the short comings of their son. This only adds more and more insecurity. Very rarely a feeling of love and affection develops between MIL and DIL. This feeling of insecurity and ego prevails. I have seen this happening across generations !!! It is the weakness of human nature.

When I entered my in-laws house for the first time after marriage my aunt refered jokingly to my husband by his first name. My MIL's elder sister blasted my aunt in front of me and all my relatives rudely asking her how she can refer to my husband by his first name. We are supposed to refer to the high and mighty son-in-law only as "jomai". I was shocked by this incident. It happened at such an important time in my life. My MIL sat their with an irksome smile in her face. My husband sat their like a spineless person. Later in the evening my MIL sang praises about her elder sister on how she had helped her so much in life and blah blah. Imagine how I would have felt. My aunt was insulted so badly for sometime so flimsy. There have been many such silly incidents like this. My MIL would instigate fights between me and my husband over flimsy issues like me not calling to wish her best of luck for her US visa interview bonkI was only looked at as a baby making machine. The relationship gradually eroded over time and today it has reached a head end. I am not in talking terms with my in-laws. Of course it won't be fair to say that I was completely perfect. I also reacted too much to some issues. So its easy to lecture based on other peoples experiences when things are going fine with the in-laws. The true test starts when problems arise.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?

Dear Sheetha,

What a lovely post??? You have just brought out the feelings of a DIL who is not accepted for what she is in many families. I just hate the fact that many DILs have got to trick and be cunning.

I just loved these lines..."Whatever you do in life, you should never lose your honesty and straightforwardness."

I too have a girl baby. I wish and pray she and her MIL get-along with each other. But God forbid, if she ends up with a not so accepting MIL, I will definitely remember these lines - "I would not want to teach my child that resorting to cunning is the only way to get people to like them".

Thanks for such a thoughtful post.

Note: I nominated this post as Finest post for April.

Rgds,
Kanmani

 

Im hoping this will be my last post in this thread bcos i see the topic going out of control here:

:hiyaNandshyam:
Well my reply was in response to the "backbiting" thread and not abt women who already have found solutions to their existing probs with MILs.

I SALUTE to all such superwomen who have lowered their expectations, who have gone 7 mountains and 7 seas to match their ideas with their in-laws, who believe that NOTHING is impossible for a WOMEN. Kudos to such women !!!!:bowdown:bowdown

When i mention about maintaining a long distance relation is better than taking it everyday i didnt mean abandoning the in-laws out of their homes,pull them to streets and get them in a old age home........plzzzzz give me a break. I meant whts the use of having day-in day-out quarrels and living a suffocating life hoping to make peace the next day. When a MIL ( the so-called who took care of her dear son for 20-30 long years) cannot digest the remote control going off from her hand to her DIL, its better not to get their sons married at all.

Though i have contradicting views regarding this topic i feel its better to leave it here.Period.

The women here (DILs) who vent out their probs are looking for some sort of solution, i believe. We as well wishers can only guide them and make them realise from a different perspective.We are here to offer help to friends who have already tried their best to find a solution and who did not succeed.

People who have not experienced this CANNOT in any way talk about this and cannot look thru the other side. They feel the grass greener on the other side always. Every medicine looks sweet from outside ....sweety......you should gulp it down to know the real "taste".

At the end of the day, evry person reaps what they sow.....a MIL/DIL is not an exception.

The thread title in the beginning did not sync with the matter and hence these difference in opinions. It was not wise enough to label the agony of women as backbiting.

Thats all from my desk.

 

Beautiful!!!

A million dollar line that is :bowdown:bowdown