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Dilemma

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by lifeChallenge, Jul 15, 2010.

  1. lifeChallenge

    lifeChallenge New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    My hubby passed away recently in an accident and I am devastated. I am a working mom and have two young kids and we live in the US. I need to make a decision whether to continue to live in the US or return to India and live with my parents.

    Please advise.

    Thanks.
     
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  2. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello Dear
    I'm very very sorry for your loss. Our wishes and prayers are with you and your family. Be strong and take good care of your kids.

    For decision on your moving to India or not, you haven't given enough information so wouldn't be able to say. Do you have your own home in both places? Are you financially capable enough to continue staying there?
    And here's set of more important ones: Do you have any relatives/friends there or in India who would support you in some difficulties you might face? Are your kids more comfortable there or with the idea of moving to India? Would you all adjust well living around your parents?
    There are so many things to be considered before deciding. Don't worry think calm and you will get through.

    Regards,
    Vaidehi
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2010
  3. GreenSignal

    GreenSignal Junior IL'ite

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    I am very sorry for your state. May God give you peace. Live in a society where life will be easy for you and your children.
     
  4. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Sorry to hear your loss. No words coming to my mind to console you.

    Think very hard before you make the decision. India and Us had both good and bad things. In India, you can have moral support if you have your parents and family. Here you can be independent and raise the children with help of your friends. What about your in laws and your parents? cna they come here to stay with you for sometime. That will be a good solution.

    Good luck. Give my love to your children. Keep in touch.
     
  5. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Hello lifechallenge,
    Hugs to you!! So sorry to hear about your situation.
    As your name says, Life is not easy. No doubt, you definitely need mental strength to carry on with rest of your life and bringup kids. Few queries -
    1.Do you have a permenant job?
    2.Can you manage alone??
    May be alone its not possible as of now as you are in a loss state of mind. Hope your mindset shouldn't impact your kids future and their wellbeing.
    If you need to stay with your parents in India, may be for some time you can stay and go back to lead rest of life.
    Dont take any fast decisions, but take some time and move on.
     
  6. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    LC, it's sad what has happened. Please accept my condolences ...Being a working mom with 2 kids can be challenging. US lifestyle will give you lot of advantages like day care and all but with no help life wont be easy...What are age of your kids? what is your immigration status? these questions are important and would make us understand your situation more in terms of what you should do

     
  7. fida2002

    fida2002 New IL'ite

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    Dear LC,

    Tight hugs to you dear, am really very sorry for your loss.

    Whether you should move or not really depends on quite many factors, like the type of person you are,
    If you think you can handle the job, kids and all with the help of friends in US (if you have friends who are helpful and will be there whenever you need them) and are not too dependent on your parents/siblings, its better to stay where you are.

    If you go to India, it will be difficult to adjust for you and the kids as there will be too many people taking decisions for you and on top of it, it will take you atleast some time to search and get a job too.

    But if you need the moral/financial help of your parents/siblings and you are sure you can handle the people/situations back home, its better to go back.

    As I said, depends on too many factors.

    Sit down with a paper and pen, write down what you want for yourself and the kids, the pros and cons of staying in US and in India, and then analyse yourself. This way you will get a better picture as to what should be done.

    My sincere prayers are with you and the kids. Stay stong and positive.
     
  8. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    My condolences on your loss. God will definitely give you strength to face the challenges.
    Please do not make any hasty decisions . How old are your kids , do you have Us citizenship, a house ?
    You are working so apparently you can get along in the US. This type long trem decision should be made logically and practically and not based on emotions.
    What type of living arrangements will be made for you and the kids at your parents place ? This is not a short trip and things have to worked out before you wind up your career and life in US and move to India.
    Please take your time and do not be rushed into any major changes .
     
  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    LC,
    My heartfelt condolence for the departed soul may he rests in peace and you get world's courage to handle the life ahead.

    Pls keep sailing with open options, if you feel life's going fine and you can move on then stay in US, else start returning.

    Live each day as it comes, and take a call once it becomes too tough to carry on.. are you already at this stage?
     
  10. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear lifeChallenge,

    Hugs!! Sorry about your loss!
    Depends on how you are settled there house, finances and kids education your work. If you think you can handle the transition right now then go ahead. Otherwise wait a while before you decide!
     

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