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Dilemma In Choosing Career And Staying Away From Husband....plzz Help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Bhanulakshmi, Feb 28, 2019.

  1. Bhanulakshmi

    Bhanulakshmi Bronze IL'ite

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    This platform has been very supportive for dealing my pregnancy and post delivery.Here I am for some other suggestions.
    Regarding my issue, I stay with my husband and toddler in California.
    I got a career break for 5 years and i am on H4-EAD.
    Now I got a job in michigan and its all positives about it.Its a full time , good package , H1 processing.
    For my work background, I got plenty opportunities in Michigan.So I am planning to take my daughter with me and my husband planning to visit once biweekly.Now the time has come to move and we are so depressed that we had taken a wrong decision.Staying away and that too east coast and west coast doesn't seem a good idea now.
    Please pour in your ideas if its a good decision or bad.If its a good decision please suggest ways how to survive alone with kid.that too in a very cold place which I have not been before in my life.
    Adding to this, I hardly get support from both parents.
    Has anyone managed going to a new place with kid???
     
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  2. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    I see that you had started another thread with the same topic, but mention the location where you might/might-not plan to go.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2019
  3. Bhanulakshmi

    Bhanulakshmi Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey Amulet..
    I saw ur reply but cant see now again...
    Yaa..its a great place
    I am only concerned about first time driving in snow and also managing my daughter if she falls sick in initial days of my job..
    Thank u for the encourAgement..
     
  4. Jamelia02

    Jamelia02 Silver IL'ite

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    Seems like a situation all of us go through here in US. With trump making lots of trouble to our visa's you seem to have got a full time job along with H1B processing which many women in US dream of. If getting into a career and having an independent visa has been goal you should not regret this decision because all isn't well at the beginning but slowly things will settle down. One of my friend was into similar situation where she moved away from California to another cold city with two kids and asked her husband to work remotely. He works from home most of the time and sometimes would go fly back to California for important stuffs. Is this option possible for your DH? Whether or not he has branch in Michigan, if he can pull out working from home for few months until you guys settled down will be a good options. Later, he can file his amendment and get transfer to the same company or switch jobs. Since I assume that he might have stable visa/job, its time for them to take this little risk for spouse who has sacrificed their career for family all this time. Secondly, if all this wouldn't work, can your DH manage your daughter in California for first few weeks and once you are confident about the new city, you can take her with you. Either way, there will be initial hiccups here and there but in long run you will appreciate that you din't lose this opportunity.
     
    Sunshine04 and Bhanulakshmi like this.
  5. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    Is your company filing H1 in this year or has this been approved. your answer to this changes a lot of factors. filing and getting selected in lottery is whole different dicussion. if it is already approved and you are doing change of status, then GO for it. If you H is in H1, it should not be hard to reskill and switch. market is good.
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Maybe I may not be right about this BUT why did you search for a job or accept one in Michigan when your base is in California? Sorry if I said anything wrong.

    Well I know a couple who did this but before they had kids.Husband was in Arkansas and wife California she got a job.


    She was there alone for a year and later hubby moved to California.

    Either take up the job,give yourself sometime and try to find a job in California itself or if it ok for your hubby he can find a job and move to Michigan.

    Depends on your priorities but you guys seem To have a solid family and I may be old fashioned but nothing in life is worth than a family together.The child needs both the dad and mom.If there are problems and you guys live separately it’s ok but when everything is going good..please think.

    however, you guys know your financial situation too and if it is desperate need you can take the job and try it for sometime.

    No one said it will be easy but do what’s right for your family.
     
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  7. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    Op

    I did this some years back and everything worked out well. If u don't try u will regret for not trying. If u try and fail u can always go back to where u r now. If u have supportive spouse and h1 in process both are many women's dream. Go ahead with your plan. Kids staying at home also fall sick now and then. Millions of people living in cold places managing job and kids. Even if your husband was working in same city but he was coming home late then u had to manage kid alone any way. Don't feel depressed. U will do good. All the best
     
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  8. Jamelia02

    Jamelia02 Silver IL'ite

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    California has got lot of job opportunities but its difficult to get a full time offer and H1B processing for someone in H4 EAD. If anyone had such opportunity, it would be wise for them to pursue it if situation isn't blocking them big time. I too understand family gets higher priority but little sacrifice here and there we women can also be happy. There are so many women out here who sweat not being able to start a career due to visa dependency. I see mild depression in some of my friends who feels they are more caged and sometimes even to ask few dollars from their spouse is such a pain even though their family condition is good. Being in US, its difficult to get such opportunities and so I would advise anyone to grab it, slowly settle down and then work on how to reunite with family once she has a stable visa.
     
  9. Bhanulakshmi

    Bhanulakshmi Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you so much Jamelia02 for all the suggestions...
    He has a good stable job here in CA and hence he can't leave in present visa situations and he can't work remotely as well...until i know how my job would be and till my h1 gets picked up, he is saying he couldn't risk for his job..
    mar4 is my joining date and hope things get better and will keep all ur inputs in mind...
     
  10. Bhanulakshmi

    Bhanulakshmi Bronze IL'ite

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    they would file my H1 this year...
    so even the lottery pick up also matters...
     

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