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Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by arch1209, Aug 30, 2013.

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Aug 30, 2013 #1
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Shah Rukh Khan’s Chak De India is an all-time favorite Movie. I like it for many reasons but mostly because for the first time I had seen a movie about Indian sportswomen. All the women in the film were real women I could identify with. However, what stays with me from the movie is a dialogue that Shah Rukh tells his female players when they have to defeat a men’s hockey team to deserve a World Cup sponsorship. SRK tells his team that they are not just fighting a hockey match, but fighting a system, a system that thinks women are not good enough and that they should stick to cooking and housekeeping.

It’s funny I watched this movie in 2007, felt it was relevant then and feel it’s relevant now. Because the larger system still thinks if women want to avoid abuse they should either have male chaperones or stay at home or not wear certain clothes. Or else why would we continuously insist on knowing what rape survivors were doing at a particular place, at a particular time, what they were wearing and why they were wearing it.

Select hospitals in the United States have something called as the Sexual Assault Response Team (SART) a multidisciplinary team that helps rape and sexual assault survivors navigate the medical, legal maze and help cope with trauma. Some hospitals are declared 24-hours centers of excellence if they have Sexual Assault Forensic Examiner or the SAFE program. Hospitals certified as centers of excellence should have nurses and doctors certified and specialized in sexual assault forensic examination and their ER should have SAFER trained doctors and nurses. These services are results of years of advocacy. Prior to SAFE and SART – sexual assault survivors had to endure long waiting periods, which often resulted in loss of DNA and getting check-ups done by untrained doctors and nurses who would cause more trauma.

I am not sure if such a thing exists in India – if not I think this is an immediate need. I think it is the need of the hour, at least every district/ city in India should have this service.

I attended a SART training program, one of the most intense training programs I have ever attended. The training takes you through the medical and legal interrogation that a rape victim goes through. Shows you the medical equipment used to collect DNA, rooms where survivors are attended to. I use the word interrogated deliberately because that is how it feels.

Despite having excellent supervision, I sensed tremendous secondary trauma. In fact, for almost a week after I detested any kind of human touch. The first thing I learned in that training was NEVER ask a victim, “what were they thinking when they were in an X place, at an X time in an X outfit,” because before coming to you for help they have asked this question to themselves 10,000 times.

Self-blame and guilt is the most common feeling rape survivors across the board feel so the last thing you could do is, blame them for their plight. They will tell themselves “What if I had taken a friend along,” “What if I had cancelled the appointment?” “What if I had worn something longer?” Now, even if you are no social worker, community activist, a modern day Mother Theresa there is a basic lesson that we learn in childhood –when you have nothing nice to say, do not say it. Therefore, if you don’t know what to say, keep quiet – that way you would be helpful.

Victim blaming becomes more crucial in the Indian context because of the larger global culture of patriarchy in which we exist. Telling women that they should not step out of their homes after dark or not wear certain, kind of clothing takes women’s rights back to the stone ages when women were married of at 15 and 14 so that they would have a male chaperon and would not be raped.

Also comparing rape to other crimes minimizes a survivor’s experience. With the amount of insensitivity abound in the media and the public about rape – I think everyone should attend SART training because it gives you a good glimpse of your privilege. Rape is not a disease that goes away, rape did not happen because you ate something and it is not going to go away if you take a few shots.

I avoided writing about the Bombay gang rape for a long time, because I felt very strongly about it. Partly because I was a journalist for five-years with a leading publication in Bombay, and have friends that are very good journalists. However, I feel now, more than ever that I need to share my perspective.

My best friend/sister in India works as a senior editor for a leading financial publication in Delhi and the day this incident occurred, I spoke to her. It was 11 in the night and she was taking a cab home, I asked her if it was “safe” and she gave me a cryptic answer “As safe as I would be at 11 in the morning.” My friend is a business journalist a genre of journalism dominated by men, like most other journalism genres except lifestyle and film. This despite India’s biggest financial scam was exposed by a woman – Sucheta Dalal, who has inspired numerous young women like me and continues to do so.

As a journalist, the biggest fear I and other women face is telling our bosses we cannot do an assignment because “it is too late and we feel unsafe,” because the response is “Why did you choose to be a journalist” or even better, “She’s playing the woman card again.”

After talking to my friend, I called up my mom, because I was worried that this incident may have affected her. So I ask her, “lady, I never reached home before 11 but you never warned me about the miscreants on the street! Did you not care for my safety and welfare?” She replied, “I don’t want my daughter to think she cannot follow her dream because of some ****heads.” Well, she did not say ****head; her language is not as colorful as mine.

When I decided to go to journalism, my best friend from college also wanted to study journalism, however, her family did not want her to be a journalist because it was “not a field for women!” I am thankful my parents never said that to me, I never grew up thinking that “I cannot do something because I am a girl!”

As a journalist I covered, my share of late evening assignments not just in secluded isolated places but also press release functions at posh restaurants and I felt ambivalent about either. Most events say they will begin at 5 but none of them start before 7 and I lived away from the city so had to travel another hour and half to get home only to get back to work at 8 the next day. Why? Because, the reader did not care that I was working till 11 last night, they care about their morning newspaper.

The thought of safety never occurred, because I always thought I was doing my job the best way I could. I wanted to do the best stories not because I wanted an award but because I wanted to tell people true stories and give voice to those that never heard one. I was not surprised when I read about a 22-year-old journalist being gang raped, because reading about gang rapes, is at least for me, has become like an everyday occurrence. What really impacted me is when a colleague, said why we lacked the same empathy or attention span when the victim belonged to a strata different from ours?

However, I had barely recovered from the trauma of other blatant rapes being unreported in smaller villages and towns that I heard people asking, “What was she doing there?” if someone asked me this question I would tell them “She was just doing her job, uncovering a scam?” Now if a cop got hurt catching a thief, would you ask the cop “hey why did you run after the thief, you know he could harm you?” Would you ask the cop “Why were you on night duty – when you know there are miscreants around?” You would not, because that is the cop’s job. You would also give the cop a medal and applaud them for their bravery. Similarly a journalist’s job, at least this is what I was taught in journalism school, is to bring the truth to light. However, a journalist tries to do her job but is harmed by some hooligans and what do we do? We tell her too bad, “you have not heard of prevention being better than cure!” “Why did you decide to venture into an unsafe place, which is ignored by locals?”

Like I said before, she might have asked herself this question 1000 times and is going to ask it to herself till she lives. Her reporting this event lead to the reveal that four more women were raped and had she not spoken up, probably, more women would have become victims.

My second job involved interviewing celebrities and often interviews happen at a celebrity’s residence. I once interviewed this popular married actor at his residence in suburban Bombay. The interview was just before the release of this person’s film, after I finished the interview at 5 in the evening I packed to leave, but this person involved me in a random mundane conversation. He told me how he was from a different state and was having trouble making friends in Bombay. He insisted I have a drink with him and watch a movie, when I refused and said it was getting late and I needed to get going he offered to drop me home.

When I refused, he actually had the nerve to pull my hand and say I was being “rude” and threatened to “end my career”. He also added that I would look “prettier if I was friendlier.” I pushed him, picked my bag and stormed out of his apartment. Called my editor and told her what happened. Those five-minutes were the most terrifying moments of my life. I have no idea how and where I gathered the courage to push him and get home.

When my editor called up this star and tried to talking to him, he claimed I was rude and asked ‘too many personal questions. And that our magazine should forget about any interview with him in the future.” After promising me that we would boycott this celebrity, my editor continued to publish his interviews. The only change – she would now send a male reporter to interview him.

So I was not in a secluded, lonely place with a bunch of hood looms – I was in a high-rise neighborhood, with a celebrity, who has a good public reputation? But, had I ended up in the same situation as this 22-year-old, I would still be asked, “Why were you there?”

Contrary to me, my sister happens to be a nurse – a profession dominated by women. But, really is she any safer than I was? Aruna Shanbag a nurse was raped while on night duty, and she still lies in a comatose state in the same hospital that she worked for. Her abuser got out of jail after eight-years, now my question is would you ask Aruna, or any of the other nurses that take care of old, frail and sick, why don't they refuse night shifts?

29-year-old Mala, a single mom, works in my house. On her way to work one day a man stalked and tried to grope her. This was at 10, in the morning in a crowded neighborhood, when Mala kicked him, he slapped her and threw her to the ground and ran away. Nobody helped her; rather a vegetable vendor told her “if you walk like this, this will happen!” After giving Mala first aid, my mother accompanied Mala to the police station to file a complaint. My dad went to look for the guy but never found him. My dad asked Mala if he should drop her home and pick her the next day. Mala says, “I cannot stop living because of such people. I don’t have a choice; you cannot be my chaperon for life. What will my daughters learn?”

I don’t think I was being stupid, nor was the 22-year-old journalist and neither was Mala being stupid we were doing our jobs. And, even if we were not doing our job and were simply out for a stroll – I don’t think we should be asked why we were out and deserve to be raped or groped. It is a free country, and like men we also want to enjoy what I consider a basic human right.

I have always felt that I am more sensitive to issues of women, part of it because I envision a better future beholds my younger sisters, daughters and granddaughters. Just like women before us who fought for women’s right to vote, who fought against evil societal norms and broke barriers so we could have better I think we owe it to the next generation. In school, we learn that women fought in the war for independence, well if those women could go out and fight for their country – don’t the women of today deserve to be able to go to work, without worrying about the time or about not having a chaperon?

Victim blaming and minimizing rape in a way contributes to rape culture. It is not only insensitive and disrespectful to the victim but also hurts the great work done by numerous activists of the past.

Part of me feels that as a society, we have progressed, but when I hear someone indulge in victim blaming I am hurt. However, I am more hurt when women indulge in victim blaming because I feel as women we need to have more solidarity because in a way we have all at some point experienced an unwanted touch, comment or gaze. Across the board, we may have different life trajectories but a lot of our experiences would be same. I don’t think a journalist, today, feels any safer than a teacher, a nurse or an engineer or doctor – so we are in this fight together, because if not us at least our daughters deserve better!

P. S - Even if you disagree be kind in your responses, this is a sensitive issue

arch1209, Aug 30, 2013

arch1209, Aug 30, 2013

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Aug 30, 2013 #2

Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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Dear Archana,

Like I said earlier, whether it is pouring your emotions on a social issue or something personal, you write each one of your post with words that are very powerful so that we can not only see your thoughts but can understand how your mind works. I have so much respect for your writing skill as well as your ability to communicate powerfully to the readers.

I can't thank you enough for sharing your experience with your SART training as I came to know something new. You have very eloquently narrated what prevents a woman journalist from telling their bosses that they could not perform an assignment. Without that perspective coming from a fellow journalist like you, someone like me will never understand what kind of pressure exist for them to accept such engagement. I am also shocked to know the experience you had with a reputed actor in Mumbai. Your narration of Mala's experience, a nurse being raped while she was in duty in the hospital she worked for many years finally ending up a patient in the same hospital, etc. broke my heart. How many such experiences women will have to go through before our society realizes that this societal infection has to be eradicated from the face of the earth?

It was very painful to know a 22 year old woman going through such a horrifying experience while performing her job. I was also very upset to know that this crime was filmed and photographed to add insult to the injury and finally the criminals had the audacity to accompany them to the station and warn them not to share it with anyone. I can't even comprehend what this young woman who is of my son's age and her family is going through now. The only sensible thing to do now is to pray for the welfare of this young woman and speak up with strongest possible words condemning those criminal acts and seek strong punishment for those culprits.

While I appreciate the rights of woman to be anywhere at any place at anytime, it pains me to know that the employer of that young woman dared to send her to a deserted mill that has been den of the criminals for nearly 30 years. As a matter of fact, I consider him accountable for such an irresponsible act. Similarly, I have nothing but condemnation for someone to publish the interviews of an actor after one of her employees was sexually harassed. I always feel that a good editor should have some good business values and ethics and money and circulation should not be the only driving factor for journals.

Please forgive me if the last paragraph hurts your feeling in anyway and I assure you that I have good intention as far as women's rights are concerned. Like Chenniya Sir pointed out, the Father of the nation said that the country could celebrate independence only when a woman is able to walk the street at 12 Midnight and return home safely. After 67 years, we are nowhere near achieving this. Until such time, we get where we need to be, we should continue to voice strong opinion against such heinous crimes.

Viswa

Viswamitra, Aug 30, 2013

Viswamitra, Aug 30, 2013

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arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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Viswamitra said: ↑

While I appreciate the rights of woman to be anywhere at any place at anytime, it pains me to know that the employer of that young woman dared to send her to a deserted mill that has been den of the criminals for nearly 30 years. As a matter of fact, I consider him accountable for such an irresponsible act. Similarly, I have nothing but condemnation for someone to publish the interviews of an actor after one of her employees was sexually harassed. I always feel that a good editor should have some good business values and ethics and money and circulation should not be the only driving factor for journals.

Please forgive me if the last paragraph hurts your feeling in anyway and I assure you that I have good intention as far as women's rights are concerned. Like Chenniya Sir pointed out, the Father of the nation said that the country could celebrate independence only when a woman is able to walk the street at 12 Midnight and return home safely. After 67 years, we are nowhere near achieving this. Until such time, we get where we need to be, we should continue to voice strong opinion against such heinous crimes.

Viswa
Click to expand...

Dear Viswa

I cannot thank you enough for this wonderful response. I am not at all offended by your comment, moreover I am completely with you on this, I did not touch upon it because as it is the snippet was so long, I thought this would increase the length further.

You will be surprised to hear that my editor was a lady, after complimenting me about how eloquently I handled the situation and announcing that we would never interview the said actor - she forgot all about human rights or values or moral responsibility and fell right into the trap of "selling magazines" and "circulation." At the end of the day it is all about numbers, how much advertisement space you want to sell. I lost all respect for her, and that is why I constantly insist that women need to have more solidarity for each other. Irrespective of class layers.

In fact at my first job, which is India's go to premier newspaper we were blatantly told "Keep your journalistic ideals out of the building, we are here to sell ad space. Because ads and marketing gets money and not editorials!" I lasted at that place for about a year!

Viswa, strangely all big editors are now making bold statements about rape and women's rights - they care two hoots when celebrities blatantly insult, and even abuse journalists for no reason. I am not the first one to experience this, sadly there is no support from big corporations, because news reporters are just at the end of the day a cog in the corporate wheel. Nobody cares about our safety, what hurts me is that in instances like this - often the victim shoulders the entire responsibility, whilst all the other parties walk away free. They all live their lives and go on to do other things, whereas the memory of such incidents linger on our minds forever.

Yes, Viswa Cheeniya Sir's post puts it in perspective. As a child, my grandfather would always read to me Tagore's

Where the mind is without fear and head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

Whenever I am disillusioned by public opinion I find a lot of solace in Tagore's words.

Thank you for your very sensitive post!

arch1209, Aug 30, 2013

arch1209, Aug 30, 2013

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Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear Archana,

While I appreciate the rights of woman to be anywhere at any place at anytime, it pains me to know that the employer of that young woman dared to send her to a deserted mill that has been den of the criminals for nearly 30 years. As a matter of fact, I consider him accountable for such an irresponsible act. Similarly, I have nothing but condemnation for someone to publish the interviews of an actor after one of her employees was sexually harassed. I always feel that a good editor should have some good business values and ethics and money and circulation should not be the only driving factor for journals.

Viswa
Click to expand...

clapclap:clap

Viswa,
I am probably the most scatterbrained person I know-read a lot, always working on 5 different projects at a time and have endless things to do on my wish list. I almost never respond to your threads but let me tell you I do read most of them. I don't always hit the likes even when I enjoy many people's posts-not out of arrogance or indifference-it is just that I keep to tight schedules and I don't go back to hit that button.
I do appreciate that voice of reason in your thoughtful responses.

teacher, Aug 30, 2013

teacher, Aug 30, 2013

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What powerful writing! Kudos to you. I loved every bit of it.

Faith in humanity should never die, and that one reason justifies the risks people can and should take. Unfortunately, there are humans who bring shame to the species and as long as they are there, we all need to be careful.

BharadwajThiru, Aug 30, 2013

BharadwajThiru, Aug 30, 2013

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Aug 30, 2013 #6

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Archie,

A very sensitive issue indeed, and like you, even though I have a volley of emotions when I hear of such incidents, I usually do not feel like commenting.

But the way you have put forth the intricate details in the life of a journalist and also elaborated upon many real-life instances, I could not hold back the thoughts of nightmares I have gone through as a child until adulthood...

Yes, I have been groped, stalked many times as a child and also abused by a shopkeeper. You mention about those doing jobs but its really hard for me to forget those instances when I was stalked...I was only 8 or 9 years and I remember my mom was accompanying me for an evening walk as I was bored at home after school. But on the way I realized that someone was continuously walking behind us. How can I forget that oily head though I don't remember his face. And in those days, I was not sure what I should tell my parents. Till date none of them knows and probably this is the first time I am making it known in the open but maybe because this is an anonymous forum gives me a little sense of coverage....So I continued to walk straight and remember telling my mom that lets get inside a shop...She must not have sensed any of my fears...but ultimately I managed to give that guy a slip. He was following us for nearly 20-25 mins wherever we went. And please note all this was about many many years ago, and we were living abroad !!!

The other incident was again when we lived abroad and this time a shopkeeper abused me..I am not going to get into details as it brings back some painful moments but only after a few visits I realized something was not right. Until that time, I was the one who usually used to go to shops as my mom used to send me for errands. But once this happened, I was too scared to even go by that shop and used to take a longer route to go wherever I wanted. And after this incident, I stopped going to shops and kind of have an aversion to go alone...but now I don't have a choice and its really a long time since that happened and experiences have given me more strength....

And in the same place, believe me, my younger brother was abused by a local person of that country....!!! Perverts exist everywhere in any form...! This was revealed to me by my mother only 2 years ago, though I remember that both my mom and dad were tensed on a particular day and I had even asked them but they told me its nothing....He was attending some classes and he used to go by himself as the classes was in the next street. And when my brother got into the lift, that person also entered inside and that person pulled down my brother's pants....This has happened twice and my brother was much more thoughtful to report this to my parents unlike me !!! He was maybe only 8 or 9 years old that time !!! And my dad went rushing out to immediately find out who it was but it was already late....

And the other incident which happened in India was when I was returning back from my school in the afternoon after some tests prior to the board exams....This guy came to me in the pretext of asking some address. Initially I told him but later he started asking my name and where I am going. I sensed something terribly wrong and I looked around but no one was around probably everyone having an afternoon nap....I didnt know what to do...! He was persistent in asking me. So my instinct told me to lie and I gave a false name and false place to go...Thankfully, there came a point where there were two roads I could take...One was the shortcut and the other a longer route. All the time in my mind I was thinking that just when I reach that intersection, I will tell that guy a wrong route because if I tell him earlier he will want to tag along with me...So at an unexpected time, I told him to take the wrong route and off I went in the long route...Even before he could realize that I tricked him, I walked away very fast without even waiting to check whether he was following me once again...but then the roads were such a way that after a certain point, we could have met...so I walked very slowly and I was sweating because no one was around to even listen to me!!! I shudder to think what could have happened to me that day but I was lucky and I reached my home. I just rushed to my room and I remember crying for very long and came out only when I felt it was ok. This fear had not died down when this guy once again appeared in another place within the next few days....This time the place was heavily crowded and this guy had very differently shaped ears...which gave me the warning....so I mingled with the crowd, ducked and again gave a slip....

And there was yet another incident which happened maybe only a 7 or 8 years ago when I was working in shifts....I was in Pune and it was around the same time that the incident happened with Pratibha in Bangalore....Usually one more colleague would be with me, but that night he was on leave....so I had to travel alone in the cab...My shift finished at 10 and it would take 40-45 mins back home...This driver takes the usual route which also would cover a highway....and little did I know what he was upto....The place was exactly like some of the scenes shown in Crime Patrol...believe me ! yellow streetlights no one on the road....He stopped the car somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I thought some problem with the car...I was asking him "kya hua" continuously but he didnt respond. He simply got out of the car, and started walking away behind....Can you imagine that I survived this also and am here to talk about it ? I really didnt know what to do...There was no problem at all but he was behaving crazy....I dont know what changed his mind, he came back after a while and without even telling me why he did that he got me back home....I told this to my aunt with whom I was living and then she suggested that I should carry something with me for safety...Within a few months, I just quit this company but I made it a point to tell the HR, because not only me, there were 2 more girls who found this driver to be weird but no one complained to the HR !!! And this happened to me just after a year or so when cab incidents were being scrutinised....

But tell me how many such incidents go unreported? And what can you possibly do if you are all alone with no one to help you ? I really don't have an answer to all of this....so don't be surprised if you find me to be over cautious about every single thing around me !!! And going by all of this, should I have stopped going for walks with my mom ? Should I have stopped attending school because of some filthy-minded people? Or should I stop going to shops, which in fact I did for quite some years because of fear, but not any more !!! And when I read the news that the photojournalist wanted to get back to work soon, I felt very happy for her as it shows her resilient nature...!

Oh my ! I am sure I have missed out many more incidents but these are the ones which have been etched into my memory and either I still remember each of their faces very well or atleast a few distinct characteristics of them...And maybe because of my own experiences, I really get paranoid about my daughter's safety....I am taking every possible step to make sure that she communicates with me whatever her problem...and thankfully she is more talkative than I used to be...and even when anyone comments as to why she details every single thing, I care a damn...because that only will help her and me in case she has bigger problems...Maybe this kind of awareness was not there for my parents, but when they were made aware of our problems, none of my parents used to think of any outsider except us...and have always supported us in any situation....having learnt that lesson plus the horrible society around us, I want to give a lot more to my DD in whatever possible way I can help her be a strong woman....

You know, I used to wonder as to how these victims are able to give sketches to a certain level of accuracy, but now as I recollect the horror in my life, I think it won't be very difficult to get back the image of that devil, just like how I am able to remember them till date ! And I also have this question as to why the photos of these accused cannot be published and instead giving them the privilege to hide behind the curtains...Is there any reason to do so ? Maybe you as a journalist would have some idea on this ? Now that I say this, I am curious to know who is that 'popular married actor' who had the guts to go to such an extent and yet continues to remain popular among the masses ! Shouldn't he be notorious than popular!!!?

In the current state of affairs in our country, I am sure that any amount of training would not suffice.....what if you could bring down the concept of SART training through your contacts ? Its a long way to go, but if it is effective in other places, it should be given a try here, although I am very skeptical about these systems which are immersed in red-tapism and corruption !!

Just now realised that my response itself looks like another post !!! Sorry, just got carried away and could not hold back...:-(

outofthebox, Aug 30, 2013

outofthebox, Aug 30, 2013

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Aug 30, 2013 #7

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Dear Archana

Despite of so much difference of opinion in our previous conversations, I still feel I can not withhold from writing here, as your post was something really impressive and powerful. I am sure you will try to read the meaning in my response rather then its words. My apologize as I am not a journalist like you to write my thoughts so powerfully the way you write here.

In Sri Lanka, we have established this SAFE (Sexual assault forensic evidence) programme all over the country. We have this Sexual and Gender based violence unit, established in all the Government hospitals (you know, we have 100% free education and health facilities, that makes more government hospitals/schools than private sectors). As you said, we also have this multi task force with the composition of legal, medical, psychological and security (police) who respond to the victims/survivors of any sexual violence immediately. The task force is well trained, they are available 24/7, in all the hospitals and the all the general public is well aware of this task force and their activities.

Almost all the men and women in our country has gone through such prevention and response training in the past 5 years, as it is somewhat mandatory here. It has made a huge social change in this smaller country after the war.

That being said... I still say, rape is still a problem in this country, just like any part of the world. The rate is reduced drastically, the reporting has increased drastically and the society has changed a lot as not everyone one sees rape as something as a mistake of a woman, but everyone knows it is a crime and the woman is just a SURVIVOR.

It is rather very strict here, that media plays ONLY about reporting the incident, and creating awareness. Nothing more than that. Media will report it just as how the other crimes are reported. They simply are not welcomed to go into details of the incident, victims info and more than that... Unlike the Delhi or Mumbai case.
This way the family feels more comfortable, and the cases are being processed accordingly.

I personally do not think people would ask questions about a nurses or a pilot who has been raped while doing their night duties. Because night duties are part of their assignments, and that is something they can not avoid. Similarly no one would question on to the poor rape victims those face similar issues within their homes?
At least, I haven't heard of any such matters as to why were you inside your home or why were you wearing a skirt in your home?

But if something can be avoided, it is always better to avoid them. Because only 9-10% of the rapes happen in odd places like this Mumbai and Delhi cases.

My boss has asked me to report about a building renovation plan in 2005. That involves taking some picture of that newly renovated building in an almost isolated tsunami affected area, and that time it was already dark. I refused as I had commonsense about my safety there.
He made my life hell for not doing that task, and openly asked me to leave the job if I am not ready to take up the assignments when it is expected to be done.
That time, I was just a fresh graduate, and had very limited working experience. I wasn't financially well either. But I took the risk of leaving that job, instead of putting myself into a risky environment, that is considered NOT safe for women. Being as a single young woman, that time I could not change my country or such nasty raping men alone.. So, I decided not to enter into their area as much as I could.

My parents, specially my mom was the one who created this awareness to me from my childhood times. Although she knew that I was way too much career oriented, and had a huge dream about my career, she still focused a lot about my safety. Such minor restricted never limited my success in my career...

Today I have a job, much more better job than what I had before. I have no regret for my cautious decision of that day, as I somewhat saved my life there.

The managers (be it a woman or men) to be blamed by the media for sending their young female staff to certain places for their own benefit. This way, no one would dare to demand so...
The young women need to have this balanced awareness and knowledge about their area and circumstances instead of blindly dreaming about their success.
The women to be educated to say NO.. what may come as a result of it.. She should be able to have the confidence to find some other better job, than giving in to such unreasonable demands.

As I said before, it is a loooooooooong way for the country to see a social change. Till then, it is always better to be cautious.

If my post sounds offending to any... Kindly apologize my ignorance. Sorry for the long response!

SGBV, Aug 30, 2013

SGBV, Aug 30, 2013

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Aug 30, 2013 #8
satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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[JUSTIFY]Hi Archie,

Wonderfully put. Women have had to fight tooth and nail to get the right to economic independence. There should be and can be no going back on that just because there are a few sub-human dregs of inhumanity lurking around every street corner.

Do any of us know what has come of the Delhi rape case? Why have the criminals not yet been brought to justice? Why is it that it is all but forgotten after 8 months?

Here we are discussing ourselves hoarse over the Mumbai rape case. You have highlighted some very pertinent points about the fact that working women face in their day to day routines. I sit at home these days and often have to get things in the house attended to - a pipe is leaking, a drawer has come off its hinges and needs to be repaired .... The workers often come when I am alone at home. What am I to do? Not get jobs done? How often have I felt a twinge of fear letting them enter my home? What option do I have? Let my house go to bits? Anything can happen anywhere and I have to live taking into account that risk.

Having said all this, it is very essential that we DO something about this. I have a request to the Supermoderators and to Jey and Malathy. We are a women's site. We have a strength of more than a 100000 members here. There are also many independent women bloggers who focus on womens' issues and have huge readerships. If we tie up with them we could easily garner larger numbers sufficient to knock on the doors of the powers that be to make certain demands:

Firstly make sure that the existing legislation is implemented effectively and expediently by both judiciary and executive and culprits are swiftly brought to book in each case of rape.

All police stations and hospitals should have professionally trained personnel to deal sympathetically with the rape victims.

Each village, town and city should have centres with professionally trained personnel who could organize support groups for rape survivors.

Widespread education via popular media on handling rape victims, reporting rape, rights of rape victims etc. just the way other major issues e.g. education about HIV, contraceptive methods etc. are publicized.

Compulsory gender sensitization in all schools.

Introduction of harsher punishments for rapists.

Juvenile rapists to be treated on par with adult criminals. If they are old enough to commit such a heinous crime, they are old enough to face the music.

I am sure we could find people who would have the necessary connections to help us carry out this signature campaign.[/JUSTIFY]
satchitananda, Aug 30, 2013

satchitananda, Aug 30, 2013

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Aug 31, 2013 #9

racr Platinum IL'ite

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"Do what you are supposed to do" -

From the time I was born till today,
I did what I was supposed to do,
Lived the life you wanted me to ,
Stayed away from places which were 'unsafe',
away from those dirty eyes and hands..
After all this..was I really safe?
On the streets in broad daylight,in my school,at work,
in a public bus...when those eyes and hands mauled me
I asked myself..why...why me?
I did all that I was supposed to do!

Sorry,Arch for inflicting this bad piece on you! Yesterday,I read this sentence "Do what you are supposed to do!" on my daughter's classroom wall.It is her teacher's class rule.Somehow that innocuous sentence was on my mind since then.What message are you trying to give to the kids? Anyway..thats not why I'm here.

Today,I read your moving post..and it all came out like this! I really really admire the way you write..each word speaks your emotions and more! "Do what you have to do,the way you want to"!!

racr, Aug 31, 2013

racr, Aug 31, 2013

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Aug 31, 2013 #10

prana IL Hall of Fame

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Dear Archana,

what a lovely post dear...I dont tend to read long posts beacause of my time constraints...but I cant resist myself after reading the first paragraph of this thread...thank GOD, I read it...

When the socitey blame about dressing,working hours all those non sense, what would they blame when a 3 or 4 years old girl was abused..?what the crime did those tiny buds commit? we read/hear these kinds of news very often..And the sad part is, if those crimes happened in rural places or any small towns , it wont be get noticed...For bringing those crimes/criminals in the media lights, it should be done in our Capital or any established cities..How cruel it is..what to say??

After talking to my friend, I called up my mom, because I was worried that this incident may have affected her. So I ask her, “lady, I never reached home before 11 but you never warned me about the miscreants on the street! Did you not care for my safety and welfare?” She replied, “I don’t want my daughter to think she cannot follow her dream because of some ****heads.”
Click to expand...

Hats off to your mom...really these kinds of women make us proud and made it possible for women too...

Great thread Archana..

prana, Aug 31, 2013

prana, Aug 31, 2013

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