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Dialing Down A Friendship

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Rihana, May 28, 2024.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Have you ever toned down a close friendship on purpose? Stepped back a little, distanced yourself from the friendship but not a total cut.

    If yes, how did you dial down the friendship? And if you're okay with sharing, what led you to dial it down?
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow..somehow mind waves between us is working :smile:

    Just today i
    Toned down..with my bestie..

    Only reason is i
    Found her taking my feelings for granted

    I like her and was always there for her but somewhere i noticed that if she is quite upset over something..she becomes off with mr even if i have nothing to do with it..

    This is just not for me but ask anyone who is nothing but nice to others..they will be taken for granted as they wont react back and tolerate.

    So i decided i need tone it a bit and distanced myself a bit..kind of a break and also started to
    Keep a little boundary..
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It often happens unwittingly over time. On purpose, I've done the dialing down a few times, and I'm doing it again now. This friend of mine still sticks to Covid rules with me, so she won't meet in person. But she's been going to other stuff for 12 months now—like graduations, weddings, baby naming ceremonies, meeting other friends, traveling abroad, long flights. It's not malicious, it's just that she chats with me on WhatsApp all the time and so doesn't wants to meet up like we used to. I've asked her about 6-7 times since January, but she always says no. It hurts when she sends me pictures from her other meetings and events. Talking to her about it hasn't helped. She just gives me nice excuses and vague answers.

    Finally, I remembered my husband's any time advice: 'Have some pride.' I know definitely she doesn't do it by design, she just happens to take me for granted. But, my patience has run out.
    So:
    I've started to reply less often, ignoring some routine questions, and keeping responses very brief. Keeping topics generic like movies, TV. I haven't viewed or downloaded the last few times she shared photos or videos in WhatsApp with me. Now both my mind and phone are less cluttered. :grinning:
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2024
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow indeed mind waves matching. : ) Yes, it is the being taken for granted. It gets annoying and difficult to tolerate after a while.

    I might be guilty of that sometimes but I explicitly say something like, "Hey, I am really mad at xyz for abc, misery loves company, I better take a break instead of making your mood also bad, maybe I'll go for a walk, or ice cream and Netflix.. catch you later."
     
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  5. winterhue

    winterhue Gold IL'ite

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    There was this friend of mine, where I was always the one "checking in". I would go 2 weeks with no response from her and I would check-in with her and she would say "I was busy with kids.. work. Yada yada yada" . Whereas, eventhe smalled crisis or need, she would call me and message me and send me umpteen messages.

    A couple of times, I didn't message her for an extended period of time, and she never seemed to notice or do a check-in on me. This is when I realized that this is becoming a "one-sided", "take -only" relationship. So, I did exactly what you did. I would respond ONLY when she would message me. I also stopped being available 24 X 7 to her. If she messaged me and it was not something urgent, I would take my time to respond. And more importantly, I trained my mind to stop thinking about her and feeling bad about a lost relationship. She lost a good soldier from her side, her loss.
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    loved the last line..
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I usually avoid posting real life stuff that is a current ongoing event for me. But I am glad I created this thread. I needed to read these two lines:
    Almost the last ten days at lunch or dinner dinner I have talked about this dialing down decision with DH, recalling random things about the friendship. If a fight or misunderstanding ends a relationship, it is not in my hands. But, this is 100% my decision, and I keep feeling bad about it going from deep to up-up friendship. So, yes, I need to train my mind and catch it faster each time I lapse into ruing the loss.

    And like anika, I love the last line. That's a no-nonsense way to look at it. The loss is hers, she lost a good soldier. Feels good to read and say in mind the term "good soldier." It sums up so much.
     
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  8. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    First I need friends next I need to reach the stage where I need to dial it down.
    Where are my damn friends ? I love to be in your place but unfortunately I'm single (wrt) to friendship .
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    :grinning::grinning:
     

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