Dialing Down A Friendship

Have you ever toned down a close friendship on purpose? Stepped back a little, distanced yourself from the friendship but not a total cut.

If yes, how did you dial down the friendship? And if you're okay with sharing, what led you to dial it down?

 

It often happens unwittingly over time. On purpose, I've done the dialing down a few times, and I'm doing it again now. This friend of mine still sticks to Covid rules with me, so she won't meet in person. But she's been going to other stuff for 12 months now—like graduations, weddings, baby naming ceremonies, meeting other friends, traveling abroad, long flights. It's not malicious, it's just that she chats with me on WhatsApp all the time and so doesn't wants to meet up like we used to. I've asked her about 6-7 times since January, but she always says no. It hurts when she sends me pictures from her other meetings and events. Talking to her about it hasn't helped. She just gives me nice excuses and vague answers.

Finally, I remembered my husband's any time advice: 'Have some pride.' I know definitely she doesn't do it by design, she just happens to take me for granted. But, my patience has run out.
So:
I've started to reply less often, ignoring some routine questions, and keeping responses very brief. Keeping topics generic like movies, TV. I haven't viewed or downloaded the last few times she shared photos or videos in WhatsApp with me. Now both my mind and phone are less cluttered.

 

Wow indeed mind waves matching. : ) Yes, it is the being taken for granted. It gets annoying and difficult to tolerate after a while.

I might be guilty of that sometimes but I explicitly say something like, "Hey, I am really mad at xyz for abc, misery loves company, I better take a break instead of making your mood also bad, maybe I'll go for a walk, or ice cream and Netflix.. catch you later."

 

I usually avoid posting real life stuff that is a current ongoing event for me. But I am glad I created this thread. I needed to read these two lines:

Almost the last ten days at lunch or dinner dinner I have talked about this dialing down decision with DH, recalling random things about the friendship. If a fight or misunderstanding ends a relationship, it is not in my hands. But, this is 100% my decision, and I keep feeling bad about it going from deep to up-up friendship. So, yes, I need to train my mind and catch it faster each time I lapse into ruing the loss.

And like anika, I love the last line. That's a no-nonsense way to look at it. The loss is hers, she lost a good soldier. Feels good to read and say in mind the term "good soldier." It sums up so much.