DH wants to move in with his parents.Not sure if it is a good idea :(

charukrish · Sep 3, 2012

I'm married for 10 years and living with my DH and kids in US. We have decided to move to India permanently. When we were discussing about this DH said he has planned to buy a spacious house so that his parents can also stay with us. I argued that we wanted to live separately and he said he will buy a small flat in the same complex where my parents can also live and so that way we both live close to our parents. He also proposed that if we could find a big enough flat then my parents also could stay with us. I am not sure whether this is a good idea or not. He definitely not want to leave his parents alone. What should I do?

unhappywife · Sep 3, 2012

Hi,

Good to know Dh is open to accepting your parents too.. You could rather buy or rent a condo style house so that his parents could stay in the ground floor and you could stay up, so you couldn't sacrifice your privacy.. People who are old may always need help at some point of time, be it your parents or his, so its better to have them under your care without sacrificing your privacy.. Good Luck..

Nitha J · Sep 3, 2012

What I would say is do not be prejudiced against living with his parent; it will only create more problems..
Issues will crop up for sure; because three generations(including your kids) living together will obviously has difference in thoughts and attitude.
Try to bring your parents closer to your house as well; particularly since your DH is open to that idea. If all the stars align together; and there is no major issues with IL's; then you will be one lucky girl; having all the people around you. So will the kids too get all the "pampering" from their grandparents...

Best wishes

charukrish · Sep 4, 2012

I dont know how the idea of everyone living under one roof would work.

anmolhai · Sep 4, 2012

I can understand your hesitation after living in nuclear family in US this will be a BIG change but if you think from your dh's point of view you will understand and will give this a try.
Think about it like this how would you feel if your brother's wife refuse to live with your parents? In old age all parents needs looking after and I think its us kids who should take care of them .
It will be very Different specially you are use to doing things your way but give it a try & see how things work out. You can have some talk between you & dh as to what boundries you would like to set. this will be new to In-laws too so it will need adjusting from their side also.
How is your relationship with In-laws? Do you have a history that you are not open to this idea?
All the best charukrish.

eandian · Sep 5, 2012

If you move in with them, hire enough help (maids , cook) and take care of them (maid and cook) well. It will help your now bigger family to function smoothly.

Abhilaasha · Sep 5, 2012

Hello Charukrish ,

You lived in U.S for last 10 years ...returning to India and getting settled there and all the reverse cultural shock could throw many challenges intially In addition, living with inlaws under the same roof when you have never lived that life before can be quite challenging...Try to talk to DH and make him understand ...if possible get his parents a place nearby so he can have them near

charukrish · Sep 6, 2012

Thanks for all your replies

vijikrish · Sep 7, 2012

Before deciding on place to buy whether big or small, rent apt near your MIL place and try to get feel is it good or bad? May be your kids will enjoy company of your PIL's...u never know. After year or so...decide on place to buy either big or small depending on how your first treats you.