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DH is a Lier, what to do

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shanmu13, Jun 23, 2010.

  1. shanmu13

    shanmu13 New IL'ite

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    Dear IL's

    I have been married for 2 years now. Though i know my DH before marriage and had lots n lots of chats, still could not identify his true qualities.(my mistake i was not smart enough)

    now after 2 years, 'm getting to know him fully. He drinks and smokes. Though 'm not ok with both, and told him n number of times. he says its difficult for him to change. he cant stop but will slowly reduce. Only says but never keeps his promise.

    I told him if you want you can drink occasionally, but just let me know. dont hide from me.he said ok. but still hides from me and drinks. and spends so much money on that. so ends up lying to me on money matters also.

    Even if i find out about his lying. he never agrees and keeps repeating his lie. A lie told 100 times can not become a truth right. How can lying be an option.

    My MIL is also a big time lier. She lies about silly things also. But 'm not bothered about her. But i'm worried about my DH. How can i live with a lier. Please suggest what i should do.
     
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  2. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Did you know about his drinking and smoking habit before marriage?
    Well, your husband is right about one thing. It's very hard to get rid of this habit. Does he let you take charge of financial matters? Do you have access to know about the expenses? If you do, may be you can control his expenses for drinks and smoke. You can not cut him down completely and except him to stop overnight. If he is an addicted to alcohol and smoke for long time, stopping all of a sudden may also have impact on his health. So one step at a time. I advice both of you to get professional (see a doctor) help regarding this. But it will only help if your husband cooperates.
     
  3. mapleleaf

    mapleleaf Silver IL'ite

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    I agree with Archanap, if he is addicted to Drinking and Smoking you need to seek professional help you cannot take it upon urself to correct him.
    Let him know you will be co-operative and supportive as long as you see that he is making an effort towards de-addicting himself.
    The lies unfortunatly comes with his wanting to hide behind his addictions and not be confronted for it. You need to treat him like a rebellious teenager, be gentle but assertive.
     
  4. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    The core problem is not lie, its his drinking and smoking.
    I still believe that he may not be a lier in other aspects.
    Is there any option to get the recovery treatment? like counseling etc?
    Believe me, he is adding up the risk of his liver issues.
    Few things may be a good idea if possible:
    Try to have him more literature about the alcohol and liver issues
    Have him watch some videos(on youtube?) about this issue
    Talk to your family doctor whom he trusts a lot, ask your doctor to teach your husband a good lesson about the liver damage, even you go as far as the false reporting of his liver was damaged etc.

    Good luck... I know this issue may result in some additional future issues, you are really on time to nail it down real early.. all the best
     
  5. pshanti1986

    pshanti1986 New IL'ite

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    you said your husband has alcohol and smoking addiction problem. You need to encourage him to see a psychiatrist trained in drug deaddiction. No other medical professional is qualified. Counselling, telling him to stop etc will not work. Its not his fault he drinks and smokes. its a disease. He needs treatment and cure with medications. One of my cousins had it and was admitted in a deaddiction unit under supervision of a psychiatrist 2 yrs ago and he is now treated completely. Without professional help, it will be a lifelong problem.
     
  6. shanmu13

    shanmu13 New IL'ite

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    Thankyou IL's for your advise.

    I dont want to take him to a doctor/psychiatrist. he doesnt drink everyday and beat and all.
    He drinks once in 3/4 days or so. and just few pegs. But the problem because he needs money for this, he ends up lying in money matters. Though before marriage i was totally against people with this habit, now i have changed my mentality thinking its fine as far as its with in limits. and i have told him that its ok if u drink occassionaly but just dont lie to me.

    By speaking my heart out to you all...i feel lighter and feel by talking polity to him, i can make a difference in him.Hoping for good.
     

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