1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Desperate To Get Some Help/advice For Fighting Alone For Divorce

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by amunique, Feb 7, 2019.

  1. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    492
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    ILs,
    Some of you know me here ..a quick reminiscence about my past and present. i will be as short as possible, kindly spend sometime please.
    single daughter-father not supportive financially/emotionally-mother housewife- got married in 2015-he is a cheat-married me only for money-got separated -been almost 4 years now-not legally though-he absconded with all my jewels,household etc in 2015 august when i went to my mom's home after he beat me black n blue in the eye- i dint have job then-now i am re employed-but after a gap of almost 4 years -i am getting salary that is just enough to eat n stay at a place-he is accusing me of beating him..my character what not- i am the sole money earner.
    i need a lawyer who would help me get out of this rut as soon as possible and i want to get atleast some amount back of all that i have lost.
    i tried searching for lawyers online but everyone says that money has to be shelled out..and i am not at all strong financially or whatever. no support at all.
    any inputs.. please..
     
    Loading...

  2. Novalis

    Novalis Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    906
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Herewith the breakdown of my opinion.

    Past: A downright fraud case which could have been legally annulled rather than set for divorce! Would have saved you heartache and time. Don't take this sharp utterance as a lapsed reprimand but be mindful of your situational extrication in future. When I say such things: 'that could be annulled' -- it is for the passive readers to be beware of untaxing revocations in foremost or subsequent marriage as I am appalled at the lack of legal education given to a bride of her options for exiting a marriage. Usually, in the white-knuckle gumption to reform husband or deluding oneself of acceptable violence or loss of esteem or lack of income such disturbances in marriage hold out for long till the straightforward 'annul' has passed.

    Every bride prospecting even the brightest match in the town should be aware of her legal rights in the uncertain import of the marriage in her life turning sour and bleak. The rituals in the contemporary Indian weddings must indoctrinate and educate the groom and bride on the seven unburdening ways to terminate a marriage (on breakdown) rather than perfunctorily recite seven ill-suited mantras in the delight of staggering virtue and rewarding piety.

    Present: Have you approached the police station in Chennai? Police station is not only to report crime but also to inquire pro bono lawyers and to gather references of civil lawyers and women's wings. You may need a lawyer who is willing to fight your case pro bono (no fee for humanitarian reasons). Check with the police station or women's protection society or FB pages on how to contact and approach lawyers. You need a lead, not necessarily your introduction through anyone but a lead direction should organize you into preparing for the process and initiate your checklist for legal breakup before properly approaching a civil lawyer.

    Future: The victims of such domestic cases (indigent parents, docile neighborhood, abandoned husband, meager guidance) have the tendency to march two steps and recede three steps cowered in fright at the uncertainty of the future and the daunt from a protracted court case.

    There will be enthusiastic days when you wake up to unimaginable stout and there will also be weary days when you feel doubtful of your decision: should I forgive my wayward husband and resume the marriage.

    Now that you are working, the odds of your husband to wheedle you to forgive him arise. You totter, he persists, you stumble, he insists ..before long the cyclical prevarication has costed you another six youthful years.

    What you can do: write a diary or print this post. Stick it in the diary. Outline the reasons and desperation to separate, your grievances, the fraud, the deliberation of the last year converging into this decision of contemplating divorce. If your prodigal husband returns, as observed mostly, you might want to reconcile not over his silver-tongued assurances but over his demonstrable penitence of his wrongdoing. The jottings in the diary would remind you not to overlook the rectifying scrutiny of the pacifying propositions of your estranged husband else human mind is too dissolving of past indiscretions (at times in a benevolent shrug, but mostly in a rutted sigh).

    Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2019
    coolmoon and amunique like this.
  3. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    492
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you so much @Novalis for taking time out and replying.
    The gist of what i understand is, checking for pro bono lawyers, help in this regard and proceeding further. yes i would do that. thanks for the lead.
    and i also understand that there might be days where i too think of reconciling..no--this is ruled out by me at all cases.
    i shall reply after re reading this again.
    thanks.
     
  4. kavikuyil

    kavikuyil Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    I don’t have any lawyer suggestion but Start documenting anything and everything.. when you got married, when abuse started, how he stole / took your jewels , when you were beaten black n blue, who saw you like that ... who else knows about this, their address, phone number every small thing you remember, you note down... write down about your separation, how long, who is witness to these, any bank trail, etc etc you’ll remember more as you write these down ... it won’t be pleasant but also will help you get out of this trauma ...and useful in your police case or court case.

    I don’t know where you live, but there must be some women’s agency for helping abused women .. Like the other person said, goto police station - even better if it’s womens police station and ask for help and direction. Not sure if the company you work with has some kind of employee helpline, where you can call and find more information.
     
    coolmoon and amunique like this.
  5. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    492
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you @kavikuyil : this is a great advice-writing down incidents because at the correct time forgetting info is common. thanks for the lead. i live in tambaram chennai. about the employee helpline i need to check. thanks for the inputs.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,412
    Likes Received:
    2,976
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Be Strong OP, Have you filed divorce? He may try to accuse you to yield to his demands. Develop a thick skin to face more. People do that to win their case. If you want divorce, stick with that. Going back to the abusive life wont help. Have you ever filed any complaint to police station? If not, do that soon. Record all details, evidence and write it in down in order. Do you have any Employee Assistance Program(EAP) in your working place. They may help you. Here are some help lines I noted.

    WOMEN HELPLINE -India

    TN govt launches 24-hour helpline for women - Times of India
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2019
    shravs3, coolmoon and amunique like this.
  7. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    492
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you so much @DDream . i havent filed a case yet due to complete financial drain. and thank you so much for the numbers. i need to collect all the inputs and proceed. praying the almighty.
     
    DDream likes this.
  8. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    492
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Update: I have filed for divorce in the month of july and since he did not appear even for once, it is exparted.
    I am awaiting the orders soon.
    its going to be 5 years nearly so the lawyer is saying that no complaint can be filed now for the return of gold/household things that he ran away with. i am not knowing what to do now.
    any inputs please. kindly suggest. the lawyer is also saying that alimony/maintenance is also not feasible now though we file, he will not turn up and we need to attach any of his property related details etc which i do not know.
    i am not knowing whether i am going in the right way, i dont have any support from my father (he is been that way since my childhood) so really dont know what to do.. not able to see a fraud going away simply like that..
     
  9. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    492
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Update: I have filed for divorce in the month of july and since he did not appear even for once, it is exparted.
    I am awaiting the orders soon.
    its going to be 5 years nearly so the lawyer is saying that no complaint can be filed now for the return of gold/household things that he ran away with. i am not knowing what to do now.
    any inputs please. kindly suggest. the lawyer is also saying that alimony/maintenance is also not feasible now though we file, he will not turn up and we need to attach any of his property related details etc which i do not know.
    i am not knowing whether i am going in the right way, i dont have any support from my father (he is been that way since my childhood) so really dont know what to do.. not able to see a fraud going away simply like that..
     
  10. kavikuyil

    kavikuyil Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Get second opinion from other lawyers if those gold and household things are not recoverable. If they too say NO, at that point, let it go. Move on to new chapter in your life. You can create your own wealth by taking a second job, part time job or increasing your income with first job ... or even starting a business. What matters is that you are safe and in good health.

    Also, Make sure you have new locks (if you are in same house - better yet, move if you haven’t!), new bank accounts and check the beneficiary of all financial accounts including any bank accounts, insurance, provident funds (from previous work history and current), etc. Remove his name from every agreement (say household lease) etc etc

    Don’t keep thinking you don’t have any help from your dad. Many people don’t have parental help. You are much more stronger than you think. You can handle this problem. Keep your faith in God intact and do what’s needed.
     
    amunique likes this.

Share This Page