Depressed.

Dear OP, I feel sorry for your situation. But what I can't understand is...why are you feeling so hopeless, helpless and suicidal?

Love marriage is not bad but living in such a bad way is really bad. Your words indicate that you are employed and young (not very old). If he is irresponsible and uncaring, and also unwilling to divorce, just separate from him and move out along with your kids. Life may seem difficult and scary but with determination and children's love, you can live it on your own terms. Committing suicide is running away like a coward, be brave and remember your kids need your love, care and guidance. They have only you; you are their world.

Once you separate from your husband, your parents and siblings may also come forward to support you. Don't waste your precious time and life on him. Also sometimes such daring step from you makes him also to realise your true worth and change, if you really matter to him.

 

Please realize that you ending your life will not change anything. Your kids will end up having to grow up without a mother and with a role model like your husband. He refuses to stop chatting / flirting / meeting when you are around , without you he might even get these women home. Please don’t subject your kids to this.
There are suicide prevention helplines in most cities , please use their services every time this thought comes to your mind.
Because you had a love marriage does not mean that you are bound to this man forever . He does not deserve your love and peace of mind. Start seeing a counselor first and then slowly initiate separation when you feel stronger and in a better frame of mind. I wish you the very best !

 

Which path do you want to take :
1) Ready to forgive him n want him to change.
2) Or accept him as he is, since he's clearly told you that he will NOT change.
3) Move away

For # 1
Both of you need some serious counselling here.
You need to figure out different ways to reel him in your control.
Maybe threaten to send all the proof to his parents (not yours), his friends, his colleagues, anyone in his life he would be bothered about, for some shame works better than all your tears.
You have to go through serious healing.
N He should be truly ready to change without repeating it.

For # 2
It can be subdivided into two:

Accept him n continue as a wife:
Turn a blind eye to whatever he does and just continue with your life.

Accept him but continue as a room mate:
Live in the same house, same tag, same life but you are married only in papers. You arent husband n wife anymore but more like room mates. No emotional connection.

There are people who start their own relationship on the side when they are truly stuck in this situation, 'no way out kinds'. It's done either behind each other's back or in an open relationship (in this, atleast they are honest to one another - you live your life, I will live mine kinds). I used to feel dead against all this, but over the years, it has taught me not to be judgemental about others lives as only they know what they are truly going through, not the outsiders.

3) Move Away
Divorce - yes, he doesn't want to give you. But if you want, collect all the proof of his activities n approach a lawyer, they will take care of the rest. Alimony can be demanded or since you have mentioned that you are doing everything financially already, just continue with that.

Separation - either kick him out or you move out, you get a job in another city or even a country n move away from him.

Kids:
- 2 options: keep them along or enroll them in boarding school.
Both are good options, choose according to your situation.
Keeping them along: if possible Grandparents help will be good. If not, nanny, day care centres, live in maids, etc, will help. Also if you do a business rather then going to office, may help you too.
School going - enroll in extra activities classes right after school ending time, will keep them busy till you reach home.
Boarding school: it can be seen as a temporary solution as well, just till you find some stability or there are really good ones which helps the kids a lot. This will give you flexibility to move anywhere and also stability in the children's lives.

Not every women has the support of family for themselves or to raise their kids, so don't let that be a reason to stop you from moving on n living your life.

Make up your mind about which direction to take and end this waiting game which is threatening to kill you.

Do you really want to end your precious life over a person who doesn't even bother about how much he's hurting you and continues to only keep hurting you ? N who tells you that he will NOT change ? Really ? That's all your life is worth ? Dying over a person like that ? What great example you will be setting for your 2 kids ? Be a coward n end your life when life starts kicking you ?

Nothing is impossible, you just have to raise above and find a way for yourself and your kids. As kids notice a lot more than you think regardless of their age, and it will damage them more, contrary to the belief of sticking to a dead marriage for the sake of kids.

 

OP, Sorry to hear about your situation.
It is not the time to think about suicide. Instead,think about a happy and peaceful life with kids.
Slowly gain confidence. If you can try counselling for yourself. That will give you clarity on how to proceed further. I guess you are employed. Is it possible to get transfer and move to another place.

Tell your husband your marriage is over. What he is doing behind your back is wrong and unacceptable.
Stop doing anything for him as his wife. Treat him like a stranger. He is over confident that you will stay with him tolerating his bad bahaviour. You need to shake that first. Try seperation. That may give give you more confidence. It is not that easy ,but you can do it. This kind of environment is not good for kids.

Gain confidence and take baby steps. Be strong.

[There are many similar posts in IL forums,if you can go through them. It will give you some idea]

 

Dear Mam, As you said , the mistake is with your husband, but you are suffering. Here no justification or nobody can give you justice or peace. If the situation continues some more time it is sure that you will be depressed . And you will go for allopathy they prescribe sleeping dose and you will not get peace in life.
So, I want to help you from this suffering , which will surely help you from getting depressed and manage your life in normal way. The solution is you have to contact a near by homeo doctor and have to get medicine . A single dose of medicine will prevents you from depression and allow you to live in normal life. If you are interested the remedy will be prescribed here. Be aware that , unless your hubby stop his mistake , nobody will be helpful to you except a doctor, and so decide positively in advance to meet a doctor for your wellness.
regards.

 

If you commit suicide only you and your kids will be at loss! He may still continue to do same things again ! So he is only benefited !Which affects your kids too! So first better talk to him seriously and tell if this continues You might take an extreme step !Ask him wats the point of staying in love marriage wen there is no love left !! No decent female is generous to share her husband to others in any manner ! If he stops and starts caring you start a new fresh life ! Ask him to be away from social media for few days ! Tell him to deactivate temporarily in tat way he can control slowly !! Else collect all the proofs wat he is been doing and consult some legal person and do as suggested !

 

Collect proof against him .
Seperate from him and ask for maintainance for children . He has to pay child support .
Get some professional help for yourself to get over depression.

This guy is of no help to you and your children.

 

@srajitha

Find the strength to tell him that you are going to walk out with the kids even if he won’t give you a divorce. Let him realise that he is not your weakness and you can just walk out.
I was wondering if it was a old thread of yours that is bumped and sadly this social activity of your husband has been the only constant for a few years. Looks like he now has learnt push the reason that he has no great memories on your shoulders and will continue the same..

Stop thinking I have no support, when did you have one, go back and read your old thread yourself and chin up.

I agree with @Sandycandy what happens to the kids if you go?. Remember your mil asking proof that the kids are her son’s , so what will happen with such grandparents and relatives.

Having a love marriage does no mean you suffer owing to no supportive extended family. Sometimes we make certain mistakes but that does not mean we regret them, we learn from them and become stronger. We work with the available options.
Take control of your life. Stop thinking of thing s like I have no place to go, and things..

It is easy to give up, but takes some planning, strength and courage to stand up and live life the way you feel good about, and you can .the first step is the hard one..

All the best

 

Love marriage is no excuse to stay with him and after all these 10 years if he proves to be unworthy of your love why stay in this trap..
If he is unwilling for divorce OK ask him if he can pay some alimony on monthly basis and mutually both leave separately ..
Depression suicide are words need to stay in dictionary and. Not in life.. Stay away from These terms... Life is a lesson so don't leave just because its tough nut to pass keep working hard to prove yourself of your caliber ...
Kids, your blessing so count them and stay put.. Stay alive and keep faith .. Energize them and empower yourself with best thoughts rather falling a prey...
Your husband is just a man not all your life to lose and sober. . Just cheer up and start to live on your terms rather thinking of extreme ends...
Don't bother about parents or support always nobody will get our pain in lieu of things we got to stay strong and fight.. Never give up..
Buckle up and take all healthy advices other peers have given you and stay alive in the ring.. Never quit. . Keep fighting. After all for another faithless, rotten monster ........ Don't waste your time and life.. Travel and experience lots of things in life.... Never ever give up....