hi ladies, I am feeling my lowest and worst at this time. I do not have anyone to share my heart with. i need to vent out somewhere to keep my sanity as i am getting suicidal thoughts right now. I don't know if I have posted this earlier or not but I am married for 3 year now and from the very first year i had massive issues with my mother in law. she cornered me, abused me verbally because of jealousy, abused my parents, accused my husband for not giving all his salary to her. in first year, I tolerated her by crying and not arguing. in my 2nd year i started giving replies to her. I stopped asking for her acceptance and had arguments on this with my husband a several times. he always say she is elder we have to tolerate whatever she does. I never agreed to that point. but recently she has started manipulating my husband at my back and tis is taking a toll on my married life. she behaves all good in front of him and he is now behaving to me as if i am at the fault from the beginning and hid mother is the victim of my anger and ignorance. yesterday, ( My mother in law prepared tea for us and she gave me half cup and full cup to her son, I just playfully said that she has kept her indifference in tea also ) my husband started scolded me for such a petty issue and abused me verbally in front of his brother and mother. his mother interfered in our argument and start to advice me that i should not argue, i should not put jinx on anything that happens in the house by crying. When i asked her to stop her son from abusing me, she very calmly asked him to do so and started crying herself reminding him of the previous arguments they both had in first year of marriage. My husband even said to me that I feel happy if something good is happening at my mother's place but always start crying and put jinx if something good happens at in laws. I swear to my god , i have never ever thought this way. I am myself buying the stuff at my in laws why would I put a jinx to it. when I asked him politely again why he said this, he said i was in anger and thus I should not take it seriously. I asked him calmly that if he has said this there must be something in his mind, he started arguing again and told me that i am ruining the relationships. i cant even keep hold on our marriage and how will i be able to hold up on relation with mother in law. i am getting depressed and i can feel this in my behavior. I have stopped talking to my sister, and have limited my talks to my parents as well as i feel that i am always talking about my mother in law to them and they are getting negative towards me. i am feeling like i am all alone in this world. i have no one to talk to , no one to share my sorrow with. I don't want to patch up with my MIL because she has made me suffered a lot in my first year of marriage. My husband just don't understand. he always start pressurizing me to make my relations good with MIL. i am feeling trapped. my in laws home has every facility available, money, big bungalow but i feel like a sparrow trapped in golden cage. i just want to be free. I feel the escape is to die only. i have lost the motive to live.