1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Defeated.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by jmsd, Aug 9, 2022.

  1. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    177
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    I am posting after a long time.
    I am not seeking a solution.
    I am just documenting for people ,however anonymous ,to know that the D-day where I realize that everything was a lie and all my efforts a waste is here .
    All my life I lived for my family.
    My mom a sufferer of NPD and the first exploiter of the goodness of my heart who ,I am still looking after in my house thinks of me poorly and badmouths me in the neighborhood.
    I was tremendously attached to my brother and could do everything for him. I have realized that he was only using me to keep his life smooth.
    When you are blinded by love ,you cannot see through people that well.
    My brother's wife primarily got married to get the US citizenship. She got the kind of life and in laws 99 percent of Indian girls only dream of. She chose to kick us all out of their lives. And Boy! she worked very smartly at that. Full marks to her.
    My husband's family is a typically exploitative Indian family.
    My husband a typical insecure smothering Indian male.
    I have kids.
    I live for I have my responsibilities towards them.I'll see that I fulfill each one of them.
    Unlike men I cannot just quit.
    But really ,I just want to live alone in a quiet corner of the world where no one knows me or speaks my language or vice versa. But that is not an option for a woman.
    So I live on. Here .Inside my cage. One day at a time. Thankful that the last day is over. Stressed that there is another one to pass.
    There are so many more to go.
     
    drdiva likes this.
    Loading...

  2. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,582
    Likes Received:
    2,081
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    You are not defeated you went through a difficult phase and saw true colors of people.
    Be strong and focus on your future. Now you know how people behave keep your guards up.
     
    drdiva, jmsd and Mehana like this.
  3. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    317
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Not a solution, but an observation in your text - you said you want to live in a quiet place where no one knows you. Staying silently is actually very therapeautic. It clears your mind.
    If you can afford, then please do send children to day care and rent a room for yourselves and stay there till 5 pm. then go home. I think you need peace and calmness in mind. You can get such shared rooms in an apartment where students or working women stay. since it will be shared expense, it will be affordable too.
     
    jmsd likes this.
  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    905
    Likes Received:
    1,364
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Peace be with you. You understood how the real world is.
     
    jmsd likes this.
  5. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,659
    Likes Received:
    1,813
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Good thing you learned the people around you at least now. I understand you need some time to go over, take your time and sit in a quiet place where you can find a room in your home and relax.

    I had some bitter experience in India ... Good thing they showed me who they are and how cunning internally but showing a sweet face outside. But I should thank them for giving this experience otherwise I would be stupid and trusting them..

    Focus on you and your kids, do the things you like( movies, make up, well dressed or food). No one in the world can help you except yourself, take your time and keep you busy. Please don't stress yourself for the people who don't deserve your affection/caring.
     
    jmsd likes this.
  6. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    177
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Am working too.
    Terribly busy.
    It does take my mind off for sometime but does not dull the pain.I really wish to take a sabbatical and go off to some corner of world just to process my feelings and reinvent myself.Would have done that but kids keep my tied.
     
  7. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    177
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    It's hard when it's your own blood.
    And they know that you love and care.
     
  8. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    177
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks ladies for responding here.
    Truth has hit me like a sledgehammer and it's is strange but other people, practically strangers and anonymous empathizing with you somehow is reassuring.
    Right now it's like that someone does understand my pain.Thanks again
     
  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,920
    Likes Received:
    4,014
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Consider it as a learning experience. It takes time to come out of a bad phase in your life. Sending you healing prayers and positive vibes to remove all toxic ones from your life. I am sure you will come out of it. Give some time. Relax and pamper yourself as much you can.

    Wish you a beautiful life ahead, a new beginning as a strong and smart woman..Believe in yourself. The best revenge to these people are being the best version you can and have a better and great life without them.
     
    jmsd and drdiva like this.
  10. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    177
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Looks like this is the biggest heartbreak of my life and my mental health right now is at its poorest.Sometimes I can't just function (even for my kids).That is very very unlike me.I was unable to make a CC payment today because I just couldn't.
    From meeting my brother few weeks back I discovered that I was so wrong all my life.I loved him more than anybody else.He has been jealous and competitive all along.Since childhood.His dislike for me has always been strong and I just brushed it away as his nature and bad temper.He has poor opinions of me and whatever I do and wants me to be the lesser child.My mother mirrors his emotions.
    I was the high performing kid when young but always shy and timid.
    I was bullied at home.
    There was no concept that made me understand what I was going through.
    Family above your own welfare was the concept which was constantly drilled in our minds.And it took me decades to understand.
    I did not understand bullying back then.Now I do.
    This has shattered my already broken heart into a zillion pieces.I wish I was dumb enough to not discover all this.
    There will be a day of recovery but it's hard to have a family who hates you like this.
    My brother loves to talk me down.
    I am the elder one,more responsible one, looking after parents and every family affair that needs to be looked after.
    I am well respected member in my society.
    But being treated like this and then discovering the whole undercurrent of jealousy and dislike.
    I am drawing firm boundaries now but as a person it's hard to just know that you have no paternal family to rely upon and that too after fulfilling every responsibility with all my heart which traditionally a son should have.I suddenly lost my roots.Its going to be a difficult business to survive without them.
     

Share This Page