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Daughter's Infatuation

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by nayidulhan, Nov 28, 2017.

  1. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Silver IL'ite

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    My 7 year old daughter, otherwise a very well behaved, wise- beyond- her- years type of a child is acting strange (silly) these days. She seems to take interest in boys of her age or 1-2 years senior to her! So much so that she blushes whenever someone mentions their names, acts shy in their presence, her face lights up when she talks about them, asks about weddings, married life eg if her surname will change to that particular boy's after marriage, etc.
    I am not comfortable with this behavior because:
    1) I want her to have her priorities right. It's her age to study, play games, etc and not think about boys and marriage.

    2) I am worried that any of those boys/ anyone else may misguide her into something unsuitable/ unhealthy.

    I fail to understand why she behaves like this in the first place when none of the couples in my family, including DH and me, are never into PDA.

    Please guide.
     
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  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Little blushes is ok when a child sees opposite gender but when constantly talking about it , u can change the topic. Make her play along with u. Tell her marriage will happen to her when she gets older , finishes her college successfully, become a doctor(her ambition) etc.
     
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  3. cliona

    cliona Silver IL'ite

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    Hi. I have a daughter of same age and I have also noticed same kind of behaviour from my kid. This is the age when they start noticing opposite gender and they start thinking independently. And soon they ll reach teenage.... I feel you should be friendly with her and not scold her as she might get scared to talk anything if she wants to share... As far as things are under control need not worry. Having said that, I too was very surprised and worried when she started telling the daily school happenings about boys.. and her face lit up !!!
    One boy said " I like you" she told me. I was shocked but I kept a normal face and asked her " what do you want to do about it" she said " nothing, I just said" .
    I was contemplating if she had talked about marriage then I would have told " by all means... when you reach right age... "
    Most of these stuff just that childish...they ll grow over it.....it's very rare that these childhood crushes grow up to be something more.
    Cliona
     
  4. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    It is all to do with hormones. These days children are maturing a bit faster and they are quite open with their feelings. (Thank God for that! A parent can track changes in them!) Be discreet, don't over react, share knowledge about growth, development and practical issues of life in a casual way. Children will grow out of their infatuations, and studies and career takes precedence as they grow up. Maintaining a positive and open communication is the key to handle them.
     
  5. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    You're right

    I started having infatuation when I was 6

    And I was misguided

    Nowadays media, the things in water and food (no matter how natural you try to eat) has God-knows what hormones

    It's as if humans are being farm raised like animals.

    100 years ago average age for girl to get first period was 17

    Now it's 10

    But please, don't scold your daughter. She should know how to be treated right, rather than being kept from movies depicting love, romance, marriage, only to be mistreated later, and not even realize she is being mistreated (my life experience).
     
  6. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, kindly make sure she watches kids friendly movie. Show her some good cartoons may be like panchatantra cartoons. To be precise I would say now kids get more info from media and society.
     
  7. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    My son came to me n said he likes this girl in his class. N he wants to ride a bike with her sitting at the back. He apparently saw that scene on a movie, he was about 6 then.

    We were taken back but it was kind of cute. My husband was like "thank god now I know he's atleast straight".

    We told him he can do that once he's older.

    A year later, he said he liked another girl. I asked are you guys friends. He said no. I said be friends first, that's important. They are friends now. His crush on this girl is gone now, 2 reasons, the mystery is gone n another friend of his likes her.

    A year later, he says he likes this girl. But she's of a different religion. I asked why should that bother. He says can I marry a girl from this religion. I say, why do you have to think about marriage, you can't get married till you finish all your studies n work right. He says yes. I say then why bother about it now. You guys can be friends now right. He says ok.

    What I am trying to say is, this is a normal thing. Be super glad they are sharing it with you. Emphasise on friendship. The mystery is shortlived when no hype is added. N in reality, they really wana do nothing about it. It's just the way they feel. Right guidance is important now for them to have healthy n respectful relationships later. You being open n friendly n have conversations in a way that they feel that you understand them are the key points here.

    If you choose to be blindly strict about it, they will only do it behind your back. I have seen Stricter parents kids being devils n the ones with the open friendly parents actually being responsible.
     
  8. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Great job Ashneys.
     
  9. lakshmit

    lakshmit Bronze IL'ite

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  10. lakshmit

    lakshmit Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Nayidulhan,
    I totally agree to other IL's point of view. From my experience with my daughter who is a 5th grader now, i would like to share some points here. When she comes and shares anything about the crush, FIRST LISTEN and don't get panicked. If you become anxious handle yourself first to calm down before uttering anyword to your child. Whenever she comes and talks don't encourage as well as discourage, both aren't so conducive, instead just listen and then move on with your next work. Spend 20 minutes of your time with your daughter and play whatever she chooses to play. This is the most important thing i personally feel to get connected to your child, and once you get the connection, you can easily handle any issue. They will listen. I have handled quite a lot with my daughter just by connecting with her. Any issues in school or in the outside world i'm the first person, she comes and share and it becomes very easy to handle.

    Lakshmi.
     
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