Daughter's Duty.

Hi Punitha,
I totally support you in this regard.
This notion of your husband is prevailing all over. It will be more if you have a brother to take care of your parents.
Even my mil told me that girls'parents won't come and stay in their daughter's house.
What if the girl is the single child of her parents, which is applicable to me.
Some die-hard notions will take time to die.

sriniketan

 

Hi Punitha

Dont be disheartened, but you know you have a great asset.. that you are earning.. you should always keep aside something for parents, in case of an emergency you should have some money to give them, god forbid they ever need anything from you... but along with your brother, you should also be there to support... and i did not understand ur MIL's craze of jewellery at this age... i mean there comes an age when old people should leave all kinds of "Moh and Maya".. i mean i tell my mom sometimes to buy some jewellery for herself... her plain reply is that she is not interested in anything anymore... or dressing up herself.. and wtever she has it is for me and my sis....

~Abha

 

Hi, Punitha,

I support your view. Nowadays with both boys and girls working (in fact girls earning more in many cases), there has to be equality. An ideal thing will be your parents and his parents are both equal and there is every right you have to look after or spend on your parents.

Regards,

TDU

 

Dear Punitha,
I am 100 % in agreement with you. You are working right, then you can just tell your husband that you are buying a gift for your mother. afterall your parents have made you what you are today, and if your husband has a good wife today it is beacause of them. Would your husband like it if you imposed the same restrictions on him regarding your inlaws. Why should you not do anything for your parents. Parents once lost will never come back, so whether a boy or girl must do their best while they are still here. You should do all you can for them, and whatever you wish to give them do so. It will save you a lot of repentance later on....

 

Hi Punitha,

Your husband seems to be a man who does not think much of the Indian Constitution (IC) even though he tends to espouse that he is a believer in the Indian values. The IC tends to treat women on par with men in regards to human rights.

His "traditional" mode of thinking seems more like those men who would have argued 2 centuries back that even sati is a good traditional practice that should not be done away with. Female infanticide is also quite a wide spread practice in some parts of India. Doesn't make it right - either morally or legally, does it??

And what about the good traditional values of respecting a woman and his wife, sharing everything that he owns equally with her (since she is his ardhangani) etc? That seems to have escaped him.

In fact his thoughts like - "

make me ask as what is the difference between a slave and a woman in his mind?

 

Dear Punitha, Nothing wrong in feeling that we should do something to our parents. But the time in which u represented it to your husband was wrong. Every person has two faces both good and bad. When he wanted to buy something for his mom u should have said yes it is a good idea. even i wanted to tell u. that is very nice of you and all the stuff. Later when he is in a good mood u should make a representation that u would also like to do some thing for your parents. U should portray all the tough times ur parents would have undergone while bringing u up. He too will understand and will stand by u. Anything u want to do, u can do it with his consent. We, ladies don't know this simple technique and get into trouble most of the time. First thing we should understand is that initially if we show that we care for our inlaws the same will be reciprocated to us. But there are some men who r very adamant. But it is in your hands to convince your husband in getting things done. This is my own experience. I never object anything my husband does to my in-laws. I also tell him slowly whatever i want to do to my parents and get it done. I keep aside a small portion of my income always which i utilize when i go to India to buy gifts for my parents and get them treated in the hospital etc. My husband never objects to this.