Cutting Off Inlaws

Just wanted some advice. Have any ladies from a Western Country ever cut relations with their inlaws in India. After 10 years of marriage and so many problems, I have pretty much stopped calling my inlaws. My husband is from India but very much Westernized since coming here - his own choice. My son who is born here is Americanized - does not speak an Indian language but understands. My husbands parents have been here multiple but failed in many ways to understand life in the US. However I was expected to follow their culture always. They are very dependent and only just 60 years old. They wanted to go everywhere together and never leave the house. I feel suffocated by them. Now I have my happiness and peace of mind. I don’t think I will ever go to India. I don’t agree with much of the culture - women as second class, my parents insulted with words such as ‘peon’ because they are business people and my husbands parents have a degree because there’s no dignity of labor there whereas here we respect all types of work. How has it been for you?

 

I agree with you. I have decided I will no longer go to India but I will let my husband and child visit every couple of years for a couple of weeks. He also sends them money every couple of months. That is my compromise. I can send my son no more than 2 weeks. I know a lot of people think differently now in India but my inlaws don’t. They feel like they won the lottery by bringing two sons. They wanted an after marriage dowry from my parents but did not want any relations with them. They still feel a woman’s place is at home as a housewife to their educated son. I am raising my son to be the best husband to his wife. To treat her with love and respect. To be happy.

 

My mom and my brother live here. I don’t go because my mother in-law will emotionally blackmail me. If she even does the smallest thing for me then she will demand I keep her for 3 months in the USA. She says that she alone did everything for her son to be a doctor but did not. Knowing they had two sons they took a very easy life. They lived rent free all their life in the doctors quarters so his dad just came downstairs to go to work. She had the help of all her relatives to raise her sons. But she demanded over and above. When my husband was not yet earning, I spent $200 dollars of my own salary to buy designer things for each family member in India. She told me I had to pay back the relatives in India who helped my husband. She sees him as a financial investment rather than unconditional love. I still send nice things for his brothers daughter to India. I can’t do anymore.