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cunning Inlaws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Indumati, Mar 2, 2007.

  1. Yiva

    Yiva New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    I'll enlighten with a small incident tht happened today :idea

    we hav invited my hubby's bua (my MIL's sis) and her son's families for lunch on a weekend.
    my hubby wanted to make the lunch look perfect. out of tht my MIL's sis is a veggie.
    so my hubby asked his mom (inspite of me, who knows cooking, only next to him.....) to make all the dishes. and my FIL started like wht a gr8 cook his wife is and how horribly my hubby is eating... all this whn im thr.
    my hubby asked his dad to keep quiet and not talk unnecessay things. and i was behaving as though im absent :coffee
    and then my MIL started...... "i can't make all this. il make only non-veg and ur bua (her sister) has to eat it. it is soooo irritating to cook for ppl of different diets. RIDICULOUS!"
    now i told my hubby, "she is an old lady and may b she is following the doc's advice... so let me make the veg dishes(guys i don cook that bad Big Laugh) and aunty can make the non veg. then she was like "no... u r not making anythng for her (remember.... she's her sister... no way connected to me)
    my hubby said tht wud look really bad. u invite a person for lunch and make things tht they cannot eat. won't tht look bad?
    my MIL said v wil give her curd and rice..... blv me she was serious.
    i said no aunty il make... and she was like "U MAKE WHT U WANT... UR WISH"
    now my hubby had enuf.... he told me, lowering his voice, don talk anymore
    and he got up and went to our room
    and i followed... and started folding the clothes.
    he waited for almost 15 mins for me to say smthng or complain abt his mom.... but i nvr did Harhar and tht is the secret of gaining his trust.

    he came behind me and said don worry our guests wil not go starved... v wil do all the cooking... v both can make it...
    i din answer i jus hugged him....... he said it is ok.... v wil make a wonderful lunch tht day:kiss
    :clap:clap
    HURRAH!!!!
    thts how u win ur husband

    Moral of the story:
    SILENCE IS BLISS!!!!
    blv me... i learnt it from my mom and aunties :bowdown

    im not being a gr8 example... jus wanted to tel u a very imp advice tht my mom and aunties gave me

    so ladies... it is not too late
    nvr ever complain abt ur ILs to ur hubby
    he wil notice... if not now then surely l8r
    and to notice it jus do one thing...... love him truly like anythng.... like no end to it
    ALL THE BEST!!!

    i donno whn i wil start asking others for better advice .... but as of now... jus try this.... life wil b more easy
    it wil b difficult at first.... even i used to argue, shout Rant
    nothing helped

    and slowly by practice i did it :cheers
     
  2. N@!Sr!

    N@!Sr! Senior IL'ite

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    Hi, Yiva

    Its good that you posted this incident. Many of us will get to know how to handle things depending on situations. Hats off to your patience lady. :hatsoff

    I somehow cannot hold my breath for so long and even my mom advices the same thing, i.e SILENCE. Perhaps I expected a lot from my hubby during our courtship. When I saw his reluctancy, negligencyand immatured way of handling things, I got bogged down.bonk

    As adviced by most of you, I am trying to keep silence and stop expecting anything from him anymore. I am spending more time on myself to keep myself happy and upgraded with higher qualifications.

    Hope, you never have to ask any of us for any solution friend. May God bless you with tons of love and understanding from your DH.
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2008
  3. priyauc

    priyauc Bronze IL'ite

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    hi dear,
    i think the easiest thing to do is to behave the same way they do with u. as in u treat them nicely too in front of everyone else, including ur husband so that he knows that u care about his parents. first and foremost ur goal should be to win his trust and love. Dont complain to him about them, only say good things and tell him u care about them just like ur parents. if they taunt u about dowry tell them u cud have married ur son to those rich girls. and u`ll were the ones who didnt want dowry so why are u complaining now. just relax, be smart with people who are smart with u.good luck.
     
  4. Yiva

    Yiva New IL'ite

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    Thts my girl!
    this way thr wil b no fights and hazzles and u won't have any kind of mental worries
    read a lot of books, be it romantic or mystery, anythng.... but keep urself occupied.

    whn i read a lot..... now my hubby begs me to spend time with him..... but do not irritate him.
    close ur book and b with him... make him feel tht he is important!

    try new dishes..... try remembering if anythng ur husband says he loves
    thr is an old saying.... U GET INTO UR HUSBAND'S HEART THRU HIS STOMACH" :)

    ALL THE BEST dear...... u r gonna get him back blv me :)
     
  5. sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Yiva for sharing this incident. You have immense patience! :thumbsup I'm really surprised at your mil's reluctance for cook for her own sis...

    > U GET INTO UR HUSBAND'S HEART THRU HIS STOMACH
    Very true!

    N@!Sr, if u find it difficult to be patient, you can try being deaf!! Seriously, this is what i do when my hubby starts insulting!

    Sandhya

     
  6. suhaana

    suhaana Senior IL'ite

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    Kudos Shihi. :clapI really admire your intelligence and quick thinking :thumbsup. You certainly grabbed them when they definitely didn't see it coming...with all due respect to everybody in the forum and your suggestions for (Varloo and all) just keeping mum. I do agree that at certain times I do keep mum and let their stupid comments pass but when things had gone overboard...I took a firm stand and that shocked my mother in law, father in law as well as husband. Infact my hubby dear got the message loud and clear that as much as I can be his sweet Indian wife, I am a strong lady who will stand up for myself and not take bs. This was particularly shocking for them as I was the FIRST person in the family (extended one included) to take such a stand for myself. This message for further reconfirmed when my parent backed me up and subtly told my hubby that such things, specially baseless jibes against my parents, upbringing and family background were not appreciated. I don't know how my hubby handeled it with his parents but TRUST me girls its been a year and a half to that incident and my MIL hasn't repeated those dialouges even once.

    I strongly feel that the last thing that we as women should do we delve in self-pity (am I right Dr. Preeti?) It just saps us of self empowerment and trust me secretly ppl around us stop respecting us ( I don't say we shouldn't discuss our problems but there's a distinct difference b/w self - pity & discussing problems) and from time to time do stand up for yourself, firstly it does great stuff to your self confidence and secondly it sends out a clear message to the other person that dude....You better wake up to the fact that I'm a person too!! But most importantly use tact. Do yoga, pranayama, invest quality time in any spiritual activity that gives u peace & inner strength (4 me it was buddhism) and carve out some time to yourself.

    Slowly your hubby will also realise what kinda person u r and mould himself. After I started standing up for myself, my hubby's changed a lot and friends shall I share something with you. I have realised that my hubby KNOWS in his hearts of his hearts what his parents are like but accept karte hue problem hoti hai....I guess its with all men. Love ya all
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2009
  7. roxy

    roxy New IL'ite

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    ladies, i am inexperienced and i have a lot to learn from you guys, however as i have posted elsewhere that my tool with the cunning IL's is Pencil recorder; again dont use this recording imedietly after a fight, wait for the right moment and tactfully present it. my fiance was shocked but i told him i like to maintain voice diaries of my life. and it worked although he told me that is just the way my SIL behaves there is nothing wrong in it it is her nature and blah blah...somewhere he knows that i was mistreated.
     

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