People here know that I have a big family from my mother's side. My mother is not an easy person- not just my words. Given these 2 facts. My sister and I never had good relationships with our cousins. Mainly cause my mom didn't have a good relationship with her sisters and brother. My parnets- ego, attitude and whatever things that they decided to F up relationships. I and my sister aren't part of or even know about it. As children, my parent also followed the policy of keeping us in the dark of family politics. As adults, my sister and I are clueless about what the deal is.. coz any question that is asked to my mom we get an answer "Your grandparents told me to do so" or " I did what I thought was right back then". That's a bit of background At present- I don't really encourage my mother to talk or listen to her when she wants to gossip or tell me about her sister or cousins. Coz most of this gossip is my mother telling me repeatedly how she is the victim. Which I don't think she is and she just makes all situations into it. Anyhow--- I brush it off things my mother wants to tell. I really don't need to know these things. I strongly want to have a relationship with my cousins with no hidden layers or open secret but not open to "Me and my sister". I guess I need to accept its too late for this kind of relationship of the damage from my mother and father. Incident 1-I have already put my foot in my mouth with 1 cousin Lets call her A- asking her if she was pregnant after seeing a pic of hers posted by her father. Honestly, I realize that I shouldn't have asked her- IF she wanted to share with me she would let me know. But I was sooo excited and was carried away with so much of my own excitement and a bit upset she didn't tell me. It all turned out she wasn't pregnant at all and there I had the BIG SLAP on my face. Not only did I offend her. I felt like our relationship will never be the same again. Incident 2- Where my foot is STILL IN MY MOUTH- Cousins A's brother is getting engaged. Let's call him cousin B My mother mentioned to me that she has been invited and so did my other cousin. Let's call her Cousin C...Usually, children in our family don't get technically invited. If the parents are told it kinda means that the family is invited and moreover my sister and I are in a different country so... don't really know"THE RULES" Cousin C and I were talking about what attire she will wear. Being in a different country and not able to attend these ceremonies. I went ahead congratulated Cousin B. I told my sister also to do the same....but then she reminded me that there are so many open secrets and rules and she isn't sure we are yet to congratulate him on the engagement. I confirmed with my mom today morning IF was I supposed to congratulate him. She said I wasn't supposed to. I don't know what I should do now. Seriously why was my mom invited for the engagement which is in 2 weeks and not expect congratulations from me or my family? Or Am I the only one who is excluded from this news or ceremonies? Or should I change my perception of the relationship with Cousin A &B or the rest of my extended family? OR AM I OVER STEPPING the BOUNDARY? Seriously my day started with this new and I feel like Here I go again!