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Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by problematic, Jan 14, 2010.

  1. problematic

    problematic New IL'ite

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    hello ladies,

    i need advice on this issue from you all...we are married for 2 years. my dh has this cousin, a married lady. from what he said, i understand that her father helped my dh's ffamily a lot. during the initial days of our marriage she used to call every weekend and whenever i answeer the phone or if my dh gives the phone for me to talk she'll hang up saying she got another call or some lame excuses. and she always used to take liberties with my dh. due to this lady we fought a lot of times and i even took poison and was admitted in the hospital. but my dh has never said anything about her, the kind of relationship he shares with her. i came to know all of it thro' my cosister. my dh says shes like his sister only but i don't know if even a own sister can take liberties with her bro once he is married. now the problem is she gave him bunny dolls with her company logo before our marriage. now my dh has hung it on his office wall. i bought him a sunblock creams which lies in the bathroom closet which my dh never uses. i aslo gifted him with a book (a self help book) and he never even read one letter from it. the excuse he says is he doesn't read self help books and he doesn't want to go by whta the book says. i understand but atleast for the sake of it, i ask why cant you read a single chapter? becoz of this whenever i go to his office my bp rises. who do you think is wrong? me or my dh? i feel like i am being ignored. i mean which husband hangs a cousin's gift proudly in his offie cube? pls advice me ladies...
     
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  2. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    re: Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !

    Lady, Please grow up !!!

    You are the one and only reason for all ur insecurities- "Problematic" --> perfect choice to name urself :p (ok jokes apart)

    What??? Getting married is not getting orphan, last time I checked. Why should he change just because he got married. Sibling relationship is whatever it is no matter what. Stop this mentality and please grow up for the sake of yourself and others. Think outside the box.

    Where do you want the sunblock creams to be - In his office showcase to be paraded that you bought him that?

    Just because you bought him something does not mean, he actually liked it. It is your gift. What the person does with it is non of your business right. Why are you forcing him in each and every possible way. May be he does not read self-help books, can't you accept it? Many people don't. Why should be do it for the sake of it, when he is clearly transparent in letting you know his feelings towards it. Do you want truth or the fakeness in what he do?
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2010
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    re: Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !

    If you want him to show off what gifts you have given... then you should give him something he can bring OUT of the house... like a watch, new shirt, etc. As Nandhu said.... how can he display sunblock in his office? As for self help book, considering you are the one who took poison, looks like YOU need help more than him. Next time you pick a gift, keep in mind what the recipient ACTUALLY wants, not what you want them to want.

    I think you need to stop bothering about his cousin. WHO CARES!!! Why are you letting this ruin your marriage? I think the problem is not found within your husband, but within YOUR mind. Don't create a drama where there is none. Your dh's cousin is an extended relative... that's it! You're the wife! So why are you feeling insecure about some outsider who calls every once in a while??

    From your post, it's sounding like you are jealous of a silly plush bunny rabbit with some company logo and a chatty relative. Are those two things soooooo bad that you didn't want to live anymore? Probably something is not right mentally for you to think that way.... I urge you to seek help (i.e. counseling, therapy, etc). Maybe when you become in the right frame of mind, you will see these incidents as the SMALL things they are, instead of the BIG things you are imagining.

    Yeah, relatives should give a new couple space... and nobody should come between the marriage bond... but even a phone call is disturbing you so much? From what I see, nobody is trying to come between you and dh... in fact you seem to be your own worst enemy!
     
  4. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    re: Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !

    Totally agree with nandu and asg.
    Seriously, if you cant stand your dh's relatives and want to have him all to yourself then you should have hijacked him settled in some island with just the 2 of you. He is talking to his cousin sister ONCE a week for godsake .... why is that bothering you so much.

    Please grow up, I wouldnt even categorize this under a mini problem. this is just a way of life.

    Sunblock cream and self help book ... ???????????
    come on.
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2010
  5. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    re: Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !

    Dear problematic,

    When we gift something we should try to get something that would be of interest to the one who receives it.

    If you havent done that, then how can you blame your DH for not liking it?

    Me and DH have our share of flop-gift ideas which end up in us having a good laugh.

    Couple of years back, I read a book by Shobha De - "Spouse". It was a friend's book and I loved it so much that I bought a new copy and gifted it to my DH ( obviously hoping that he would take time to read and understand the to-dos for a happy married life:thumbsup).

    Alas!! DH hates reading that kind of books.He did not even open it .
    Was I disappointed? Not really - I know him for so many years, and I have never seen him read books like that. So, I should have known.

    My DH once saw an acne remover kit on sale and bought that as a gift for me. So sweet of him!!!... Only problem, I dont have acne :hide:, so what am I going to do with it?? Anyway,he insisited that I keep it, just incase I get acne someday !!!I kept the kit somewhere in the bathroom cabinets and it stayed there till it expired after which I trashed it .:)

    So,dont be so sensitive about your DH not reading the book or using the sunblock cream. Next time, how about you get him a shirt instead?
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2010
  6. SR09

    SR09 Bronze IL'ite

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    re: Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !



    HA HA HA...just couldnt stop laughing....just because it perfectly reminds me of my case...once my DH bought me a real expensive saree...of course very beautiful....but the problem was.... there wasnt any occassion to tie that grand saree....so days passed and that saree was just sleeping in the cupboard....one day he got so annoyed that he said you are not interested in the gift I gave blah blah blah....not understanding how can I simply tie that saree for simple outing or just at home...it was so beautiful and grand!....
    However few months later we had a string of wedding inivitation (lucky from different group of friends/relatives) so I started to tie that saree only for all weddings/functions!:rotfl:rotfl.
     
  7. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    re: Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !

    Dear Problematic,
    About the bunny doll- I would say, your husband displays it in his office probably to help her business as it has their company logo. and since her parents have helped your husband's family a lot in the past.

    About your gifts- You have been married just 2 years. It takes a lot of time know your spouse's likes and dislikes. If you are not sure about what he is going to like, just keep it simple. If it's a special occasion do something special for him that he will like- cook his favourite food or buy flowers etc. If u really want to buy a gift, just keep your eyes and ears open a couple of months before the occasion to catch any hints of what he would like and what will make him happy. Your cousin has known him longer than you have, so she probably knows more about his preferences. But in due time, you will know more than her as you are closer to him now than she is.

    About your cousin's relationship to your husband- This seems to be the main problem. It must be really problematic to make you take such a drastic step.You also mention your co-sister saying something to you about their relationship.Their is something very fishy here. If their relationship is making you so uncomfortable your husband should keep a distance from her because his relationship to you is more important to him than to his cousin.
     
  8. adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    re: Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !

    Problematic,

    Looks like you need that self-help book and not him!

    Why are you making a mountain out of molehill??
    Live and let live....

    That woman is his like his sister....he says. So, why can't you trust him and mind your own business. Don't be over posessive. Apart from being a husband to you he is a brother, son, cousin, uncle to someone. Accept that fact and be a good wife and love him well.
    Don't let unnecessary doubts ruin your happy marital life.


    :thumbsup
    Adara
     
  9. Ajith

    Ajith Silver IL'ite

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    re: Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !

    Taking poison? Did you think about the fate of your husband if something happened to you? You are extremely possessive of your husband and jealous of his cousin. Sorry if I offended you. Only husbands know the pain of living with a possessive wife.
     
  10. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    re: Cousin closer than I am to my hubby !

    Oooooo.. is someone very hurt?

    But I agree, no matter who, it is pain to live with a person who will let you not breathe alone.
     

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