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Could I Say Congratulations.... Or ... Should I Say Condolences.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Nonya, Mar 10, 2017.

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  1. Mar 10, 2017 #1
    Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    My long time friend's husband posted on his facebook page that his mummy had passed away. His fb friends ( I am a friend-of-friend) are all going-on heavy with the condolences.... quoting poetry and such.

    For more than a decade I have heard regular lament from my friend about how her MIL is making her life hell.... every day of her life. Now the MIL is dead. My friend must be doing a happy dance within herself, working hard to suppress her joy, if the few people in her collective-family household are feeling/faking misery for the few days when visitors come by to express their sadness and condolences.

    I had send her an email two days ago. All her emails, and my recent one are still there on google. They will be there for eternity. Her true feelings, and supporting emails from a friend. Damn !! Have I done something stupid ? What if wikileaks reveals all to someone who really liked that devil of a woman who had died ?

    The DIL says her MIL is the devil incarnate.... and says so on all the social media forums she is a member of, and in many emails to her dear school mates and friends. And then the devil dies, and everybody responds saying mostly.... different shades of condolences.

    Is speaking/or even implying ill things of the dead, a bad thing to do ?
    What is the safe thing to do in such cases ?
     
    Nonya, Mar 10, 2017
    Nonya, Mar 10, 2017
    #1
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  2. Mar 10, 2017 #2
    iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Safest thing is to say "I feel sorry for your husband's loss".
     
    iamsrihere, Mar 10, 2017
    iamsrihere, Mar 10, 2017
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  3. Mar 10, 2017 #3
    Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Ha ! Too late for me now ;-) I had asked her to come visit, so that we can have a blast of a celebration.
    Why shouldn't we have a celebration when horrible people check out ? -- is the kochen.
     
    Nonya, Mar 10, 2017
    Nonya, Mar 10, 2017
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  4. Mar 10, 2017 #4
    SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    SunPa, Mar 10, 2017
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  5. Mar 10, 2017 #5
    SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Because there is no one who is black or white. We all come in 50 shades of grey...
     
    SunPa, Mar 10, 2017
    SunPa, Mar 10, 2017
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  6. Mar 10, 2017 #6
    Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a good thing, ain't it ? When I check-out, there could be someone who'd celebrate the event. :smirk:
     
    Nonya, Mar 10, 2017
    Nonya, Mar 10, 2017
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  7. Mar 10, 2017 #7
    iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes,Celebration for some during our check-in and also for some during our check-out:wink:

    But you know what? There was an ILite whose MIL always troubled her. She suddenly expired. Our friend started feeling a void in life without her MIL's presence. So your friend may also start missing her after sometime. You never know:tongueout:
     
    iamsrihere, Mar 10, 2017
    iamsrihere, Mar 10, 2017
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  8. Mar 10, 2017 #8
    shifas

    shifas Bronze IL'ite

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    This is the best choice. Whatever may be the situation she his mother. And do you think that just because that lady is gone her DIL withh get freedom.
    In my case i had lived at my parents house because of problems created by inlaws. And i was in the edge of divorce. But still some people used to console me saying that your husbands parents will die soon they are old domt worry.. i used to think about that and i have never felt happiness thinking that. My husband is deeeeply attatched to them. I cant even imagine how he will live if even one of them is dead. And i have heard my MIL giving lectures to him how to handle me and my parents and everyone after they die. And i was really shocked at her attitude. I mean even if she is not there in this world then also she wants everything done in her way. And sadly her son just blindly obeys everything.
    If i am in your situation neither will i be happy nor sad. But yes everyones situation is different. For some if MIL s gone their life would change for the good.
     
    shifas, Mar 10, 2017
    shifas, Mar 10, 2017
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  9. Mar 10, 2017 #9
    greenchilli

    greenchilli Bronze IL'ite

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    One doesnt see who celebrates or cry after one die.Only the world sees that.
    But that one knows who will celebrate or cry after one dies.
    Although I want to say don't fake it,but this world is full of people who need to see some drama.
     
    greenchilli, Mar 10, 2017
    greenchilli, Mar 10, 2017
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  10. Mar 10, 2017 #10
    Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    I take it that you were at the edge, but then, you came back into your marriage, after the MIL died ? Or..did that happen before she died ?

    He can easily live after they are both dead. He will have to seek the affections of his wife, and see if he can get by with that kind of lower grade stuff. Happens to every addict in rehab'.
    Aaahhh.... I get it. It is best not to let anyone know what we really think.. eh ? :smilingimp:
     
    Nonya, Mar 10, 2017
    Nonya, Mar 10, 2017
    #10
    shifas and yellowmango like this.
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