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Contact Vs Connect

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by sln, Sep 3, 2021.

  1. sln

    sln Platinum IL'ite

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    CONTACT VS CONNECT

    Recently it was reported that a senior couple committed suicide because their three sons did not visit them for eight years even though they were in touch with them on telephone. This unfortunate incident raises a question whether there was emotional connect in spite of the cotact. The beautiful film 102 not out brings out the issue powerfully. The son in his mid forties is in contact with the old man ,his father, in his seventies but does not visit him, giving some excuse or other, though he is breezily roaming around the world with his wife and his children. Prodded by his centurian father he writes to his son that he wants to transfer his property to him. This brings the son rushing home only to be torn to pieces by his father. This is clear case of contact but emotional disconnect.

    Hugging, an age old practice raised the level of oxytocin otherwise called the cuddle hormone which helps increase the level of calmness and overall happiness. This is particularly so when we hug our old parents which gives them a sense of security. Touching the feet of elders, holding their hand while climbing steps are all practices developed over generations to convey the sense of emotional connect. When a child cries you take the child and give a hug and the crying stops .What does it prove?

    Mary Adam in her seventies [I have mentioned this elsewhere]is standing in a que to buy stamps. When someone in the que suggests that she can get the stamps without waiting, from the vending machine, she replies “the machine will not ask me about my Arthritis”. This is a touching statement on the need for connect.

    My mom 87,passed away when I was 71.She used to observe madi[no body should touch her].I used to tease her and give her a hug. ”look at this fellow-he is breaking all the rules”. This was said with a pride in her voice. She justified my action by stating “ he is going to take care of all the ten of you” .I was the privileged one to hug my father as well as mother as a symbol of reassurance that my brothers and sisters were safe with me. This was my way of living connected with my parents.

    Modern life style and particularly social media have virtually given a silent burial to the practice of connect. Send a whatsup message on some one’s birthday and it is over. If you don’t have time send the picture of a bunch of flowers and that is it. These are days of forwarding messages and people have forgotten the art of writing. When somebody passes away ,you get a message RIP. It can mean-Rest In Peace or I will rip open all your misdeeds now that you have decided to quit. This is an obnoxious way of bidding farewell to a person on his final journey. In all these cases there is contact but is there a connect?

    Dale Carnegie beautifully explained ”when dealing with people you are not dealing with creatures of logic but with creatures of emotion” and I believe that emotions are captains of our lives.
     
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  2. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Contact Vs Connect - a beautiful snippet indeed.In these days of old age homes,we are helpless.There is absolutely no difference between a childless couple and parents of three children.Having accustomed to being alone, even senior citizens seem to love and live with what is described as 'own space".Corona has taught us what is silent procession to the grave unaccompanied by friends and relatives ,with only the driver of the ambulance as company.There is no use of discussing the topic 'dying with honour'.Once dead,even the PM, CEO or anyone becomes'it' and known as 'corpse.'Notwithstanding the presence of tens of relatives , sons and daughters one is all alone.Once we get used to this EKAANTH, we need not worry about loneliness or Akelaapan or Empty Nest Syndrome.Try to learn to live in the present world with or without emotions,whether there is contact or connect.Once 16 0r 17 many children leave for University, and therefrom their journey towards their settlement begins.There is no way to look back.
    My Amma used to say 'Paasam' is entirely different and it moves like running water flowing from higher plane to lower plane ,towards one's own children and never upwards. Any expectation otherwise from children is meaningless.This is what 'acceptance ' means as revealed by Krishna in Gita " karmanyeva Adhikaarasthe, maa Phaleshu kadhaachana"
    Why bother?Let us face 'loneliness ' considering it as 'solidarity'.

    Jayasala 42
     
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  3. maalti

    maalti Gold IL'ite

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    That was a good one, beautifully written. It is indeed true that in today's world, only contact is there and connect is not there.
     
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  4. sln

    sln Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you for the beautiful analysis of the state of affairs and expressing your anguish at the disconnect. I have a number of examples but let me restrict to one. A man in his mid fifties met his aged father after ten years and requested his presence at the girl seeing ceremony of his daughter[perhaps on pressure from the other side].The old man used choicest epithets to scold him and sent his son away. While leaving ,the son said "remember I only have to do your last rites". The old man replied that "in such an eventuality I would not know nor do I care" Seniors also don't mind the disconnect with lovely and comfortable retirement homes which have come up and promise every thing including dignified last rites. The problem is only in the case of financially dependent parents who have to bear the insults not only from their children but also the so called dear and near ones.
    SLN
     
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  5. sln

    sln Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks. When some one says I miss you, the connect is missing.
    SLN
     
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  6. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    There can be no two opinions on the importance of emotional touch shown by physical touch.
    But then there are some valid reasons for opting for contact vs connect.
    I would some it in a few words -you are as busy as your priorities.
     
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  7. Anisu

    Anisu Platinum IL'ite

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    Uncle, i agree with you on the contact vs connect. We as children had such good connect with our grandparents. Every memory we cherish even today. After marriage, when my husband's grandmother lived with us, i was able to connect with her immediately.
    I enjoy interacting with elders and hearing to the stories of their experiences. I have met some wonderful people and have been fortunate to support them.
    But , these days the grandparents do not want to spend time with children by sharing their life experience.. Instead of spending time with grandchildren, they would encourage them to get glued to the gadgets. Parents make all the efforts to keep them away from gadgets,on the other hand grandparents pamper them with gadgets.
    We children grew up listening to the stories from Ramayana, Mahabharatha, and their experiences in life. Now thats not the case.

    I am also seeing that many old people do not value the children who are near them and taking good care. Favoring one grandkid over the other, favouring one child over the other. Spending time talking to the kids overseas and not even acknowledging the kids who are taking care of their everyday needs, accompanying them to temples,taking them to their relatives place.

    I really wonder what makes them do this?
     
  8. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    We. An be physically close to people but have contact.

    We can be physically far from people but we can connect with people over technology.

    Your beautiful post is connecting people by getting us on similar wavelength.
     
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  9. sln

    sln Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for your understanding comments. One need not be physically present to have a connect.MY daughter at Mumbai ,a mother of quadruplets is unable to visit me, more so, during the covid period. Yet there is a beautiful connect and her elder sister with whom I am staying carries out her younger sisters instructions in handling me. Whenever I exert myself or indulge in some misadventure like bending and piacking up something from the floor she threatens me that she will report to her younger sister.I immediately obey, scared that she may leave her children with their father and rush to Bangalore to pull me up. In essence she is not here but yet I can feel her presence. I have tried my best to explain my understanding of emotional connect.
    SLN
     
  10. sln

    sln Platinum IL'ite

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    You have raised a very practical and thought provoking issue. The answer was given to me by a 75+ gentleman who said that he is more attached to his daughter and her children in US because they are far away and he is providing emotional support. Today's grandparents[including me at 84+ tend to feel that the material comforts enjoyed by the grand children do not warrant any emotional support. Grand parents have also developed their own interests.TV and whatsup can keep them busy for hours together. Please remember that financial dispaRity between generations is to some extent responsible for the emotional disconnect. Thanks for raising a pertinent point.
    SLN
     
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