Constantly On The Phone

If we are in a committed and explicitly monogamous relationship, living apart due to logistics, and have tentative plans to live together in the future, I will be very firm about the constant phone usage. Will tell him nicely 3-4 times to stop being on the phone always. Fifth time, I will tell him to knock it off. Beyond that, he will lose access to somethings from the bottom rungs of Maslow's pyramid thingie, like sex or the car charger for the phone.

If we are still checking each other out, and am not sure if he is the one, I will be a tiny bit more charming, beguiling and more likely to use feminine wiles to get him off the phone. These would be mixed with more crisp directives to get off the phone.

On a general note, it depends on how old the relationship is. If many years have gone by, there is often nothing left to be said, and people complete each others spoken and unsaid words and thoughts. At such stages of life, each peacefully on their phone can be quite a desirable state of affairs, even if its a long distance relationship.

 

I use my purse as the phone holder when we go out. Both of our phones have to go into my purse. We don’t look at it until later.
Sometimes things happen with baby sitter and pizza not getting delivered etc. I either have a trusted neighbor deal with all those calls or have my phone on the table with dnd and will only have the sitter on the bypass list. This strategy really works well for both of us!

 

DDream, the way you phrase your suggestions and analysis of a situation is so to the point. I often nod my head when reading and also recall your observations much later when I experience something similar. The "use I words" thingie, I had read it many times in advice columns, but actually didn't get it till I read your explanation in another post here.

The above paragraph has so many basic truths in it. The reminding is important. It will have to be told again and again like reminding a toddler. "Ask each time else he will think you will adjust with it." So so important. We women tend to think if I remind so many times I will sound like a nag and we keep quiet. But then they assume we will adjust and that we don't mind adjusting. In most relationships, the maintaining and upkeep falls to the woman. So, she has to do all that work: use I words, be tactful, watch the tone, remind consistently for something so basic as get off that darned phone when you are with another person with plans to spend time together. Even one time flaring up about the habit will set back progress by a few months. : )

I've seen this habit with couple of friends. One will attend to all work messages even the not urgent ones. Another will take calls from many relatives and friends, she will end each call within a minute, but she will take each call. Like five calls in our 90 minute walk. Then she turns to me with a "what were you saying?" or "where were we?" She will make a big show of telling the relative she is with me, and I am expected to feel gratitude that she is giving me priority.